"[from trailer] Do I really gotta be the asshole who says we got in this thing and went back in time?"

"[about Blaine] Hey look, it's the douchebag from Karate Kid 3."

"[to Lou] I knew I hated you for a reason! I'm gonna tell everyone in prison I went back in time to kill my own father!"

"I wanna fuck something!"

"It's called male bonding, okay? Haven't you even seen Wild Hogs'?"

"God, relax. It's like you've haven't seen a little cum on your friend's face before."

"[pretending to speak Russian] D-d-do svidanya! Do svidanya! Martina Navratilova... "Smirnoff Ice"... Priviet! Na zdor…"

"Outta my way stool"

"Okay, lay down. We got a stupid baby to make."

"[trying to disclaim rumors of his impotence] Oh God! I'm gonna cum! Shia Lebeouf! I'm fucking Adam's sister! Dropping…"