"Woman! Do your job and swaddle this baby!"

"My childhood was like The Shawshank Redemption, except I didn't have some old, warm, black man to share my story with!"

"You really can't spell 'families' without lies. Try it."

"Boys, I don't want to speak ill of your mother on Christmas, but she's nothing but a common street whore."

"His father, her mother, his mother and her father all in one day."

"Pour eux les fêtes sont un vrai cauchemar. (For them the holidays are a real nightmare.)"

"Vince Vaughn - Bradford "Brad" McVie"

"Reese Witherspoon - Kate"

"Robert Duvall - Howard McVie"

"[as Joseph in the Nativity play] My wife is pregnant and it's not my baby, but yet I'm cool with it, because God's th…"