"I am a very bad scientist. I will do anything to make a human being feel better, even if it's unscientific."

"“Maturity,” Bokonon tells us, “is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to …"

"Pay no attention when I laugh .. I'm a notorious pervert in that respect."

"Nothing in this book is true. "Live by the foma* that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy." — The Books of …"

"We Bokononists believe that humanity is organized into teams, teams that do God's Will without ever discovering what …"

"All of the true things that I am about to tell you are shameless lies."

"Anyone unable to understand how a useful religion can be founded on lies will not understand this book either. So be it."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I stand before you now because I never stopped dawdling like an eight-year-old on a spring morn…"

"[It] was about the end of the world in the year 2000 ... It told how mad scientists made a terrific bomb that wiped o…"

"I agree with one Bokononist idea. I agree that all religions, including Bokononism, are nothing but lies."