"Women have roles. After you learn that, you'll stop objectifying them."

"I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! [...] Oh my god... they were right. I'm a hom…"

"I need you to teach me how to be a lesbian. What they wear, what they eat, where they live"

"I thought it was just an act, but you really are sweet as fucking pie, aren't you?"

"You are who you are. The only trick is not getting caught."

"Would you tie her to your bed and zap her to death? Or are you running low on batteries?"

"Foreplay is for sissies! Real men go in, unload and pull out!"

"I have told you over and over again! No more sipping! Chug it, like a man! Go on, chug!"

"[to Megan]: Get out of bed! You hormonal hussy! I can't believe you did this!"

"I'm not perverted! I get good grades! I go to church! I'm a cheerleader! I'm not like all of you!"