"Was that a goat?!"

"[Trapped on a delayed plane with idiotic sports fans after a surreal day in Miami] I really feel like killing somebody."

"Matt Arnold: Uh, Jenny's mom opened the door, and I came running up to squirt her. And then, uh, Mrs. Herk jumped me.…"

"Eddie: Let's get the hell outta here, Snake. I think I hear one of them silent alarms."

"Snake: [to the Russians] If you assholes try to call the cops after we leave, the next bullet goes through your head."

"[Opening the movie] God said to Noah, "I am going to put an end to all people, for the Earth is filled with violence …"

"Snake: [to Puggy] Next time I see you again, you're dead."

"[v.o.] Arthur Herk: one of the few Floridians who was not confused when he voted for Pat Buchanan."

"I say we blame this whole evening on rap music and too much violence on television."

"[After his son has just called him a loser] Okay, now it's my turn. Up yours, you little shithead. Okay, your turn."