"Huffman: As long as I live, I'll never forget the look on that alien's face... squeal, Crypto 136, squeal like a pig! And he did, dammit! [he is vaporized]"

"Mayor: Now that you are all here, I'd like to say, err... please stay in your homes."

"Farmer: It's a good day to die, you little bastard!"

"Farmer: You know, sometimes I think about some poor damn bastard who has to wake up at 4 in the morning to do menial work for no pay, and... oh, wait a minute... THAT'S ME! Aw, shoot!"

"Cowboy: I guess there's nothin' wrong with animals peaceably organisin'. After all, it IS an animal farm..."

"Santa Modesta Female: If my kitchen is not the cleanest and shiniest in this whole town, I'll crush anyone who disagrees... with my dainty manicured fist."

"Santa Modesta Male: It's like we travelled to a future where TV was in color, and they made a program of our happy days in Santa Modesta."

"Soldier: Keep on the lookout for any significant occurrences, no matter how insignificant they may seem."

"Sleepy Ernst: Soon I'll prove the human mind can be controlled by televised propaganda and then I'll start my own cable news network, haha! Where the heck are those Majestic Agents? America ain't gonna brainwash itself!"

"Capitol City Male: That Rock Hudson... what a dreamboat... DID I JUST THINK THAT?! Ummm... uh lumberjacks... uh football... Ah, that's better."

"Air Force Commander: I AM THE GOD OF THUNDER!"

"Soldier: Olive this, khaki that. What the hell's wrong with fuchsia?"

"Soldier: Don't ask, don't tell. Works for me."

"Soldier: "March here, march there!" March it yourself, jerk-off!"

"Rural Male: I wonder what's for dinner tonight. Oh, yeah, steak. I WANT A SALAD! Is that so wrong?!"

"Robo-Prez is getting away! It looks like he's heading for the Coolidge Memorial! Or is that the Rutherford B. Hayes Monument? Oh, I should have kept a hold on that tourist map."

"ROBO-PREZ! ROBO-PREZ! He's heading for the white building! No, the "other" white building! You know, the one with the statue of the tall ugly guy with the beard, he's, like, Amish or something!"

"Oh, how cute! Robo-Prez is all hurt, and he's picking up his brain-stem and heading home! Poor little Robo-Prez, everybody's so mean to him! FOLLOW HIM TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND CRUSH HIM LIKE A TIN CAN IN A TRASH COMPACTOR!"

"We cannot allow Sleepy Ernst to turn humanity into his own supply of science guinea pigs! They should be OUR guinea pigs!"

"Look out, it's an ambush! Circle the wagons! Throw me a shotgun! Get the womenfolk inside! Oh, I really must stop watching human television. Doh, screw it. DESTROY THEM ALL!"

"Crypto, the humans are trying to stop the movie! KILL THE BASTARDS! Have they no respect for art?"

"We can subjugate the humans to the reign of the Furon Empire! AHAHAHAHAHA- [coughs]"

"It's time to capture one of those Men in... Really-Dark-Brown, and give him a good probing. What do you say... up for a little fun?"

"Hmmm... passengers and compounds appear to made of carbon components. They must have gotten the soylent-green leather interior. Pricey option."

"They've sent in their cyborgs! Can Steve Austin be far behind?"

"I detect military units approaching from the south with my... Military Unit Detector-O-Tron! Oh, just take my word for it!"

"We can peer into the minds of lower lifeforms via the cortex scan. Rip the illiterate thoughts from their pathetic little brains!"

"[after Crypto scans a cow] "Moo"? Primitive, yet profound. Scan another one!"

"What we need to do is find the dumbest, most malleable human in the area. Admittedly, the competition will be fierce. You'll just have to scan them all!"

"[in reference to the zombie cows] They must have gathered them for study. Can't imagine what they hope to learn."

"In the name of Joe McCarthy and everything that's holy!"

"The truth is right here, biotch!"

"Aww, dammit, this fire's gonna ruin my suit!"

"Come back, so I can slap you on a dissection table!"

"Polly wanna goddamn cracker?!"

"[if shot at with anal probe] Ahh! You freak, leave my butt alone!"

"I know what you're thinking, ladies. And yes, I'm available."

"What am I thinking? I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

"Boy do I look good-- Scratch that, I look REAL good!"

"Man, I feel good. How good? Mmm, SO good!"

"I could take that guy. And that guy. And her."

"Wonder what I'd look like in some other colour? I hear brown is the new black!"

"What if the other guys notice? Oh, who cares? Lace feels so comfortable under this suit!"

"I have to report to Hoover again. Please, GOD, let him be wearing pants this time!"

"Why does Silhouette give me these jobs? I wonder if it's because I hit on her at the Majestic Christmas Party?... Wait! No one's even supposed to know Silhouette's a chick! Scratch that thought!"

"(Checking the situation) Keep it together, it will be okay up there."

"(Searching for Crypto) It's only matter of time."

"(Searching for Crypto) After this is all over, you wanna get a drink or something?"

"(Fighting against Crypto) Don't move stop right there."

"(Fighting against Crypto) Don't make me call Hoover."