"Duke: You think being a crow is a big motherf***ing ball? All you cats the same, man! You don't know where it is, and you don't have somebody to tell you where it is. You have to be where it is to find out what's happening!"

"Pig Cop #1: [in a Synagogue] You're not supposed to dance, Ralph, 'cause you're not Jewish!"

"Newscaster: We interrupt the Israel-Arab war for this special announcement! The President, after conferring with Israel Prime Minister Golda Meir, has agreed to send more arms to Israel - based on the return of New York city and Los Angeles to the United States."

"Ralph: [in a Synagogue; referring to the Rabbis] They all got long hair. They all got long clothes. Must be a hippie church!"

"Pig Cop #1: Now, you have the deeper voice so on three, you yell "Open the f***ing door". Now, say the word "f***ing" because you got—that makes you sound tough."

"Aardvark: I'm a failure as a pot smoker."

"Aardvark: Ever mated with an aardvark? It's a rare opportunity, you know. We're scarce."

"Crow: [effeminate] I ain't no jive-ass black nigga, honey. Who do you think I am, Geraldine?"

"Winston #1: Why does a great actor like James Earl Jones always have to play black men?"

"Narrator: Hey, yeah - the 1960s? Happy times, Heavy times."

"I've been up and down the four corners of this big old world. I've seen it all and I've done it all. I've fought many a good man, and I've laid many a good woman and if there's one thing I've learned it's.. it's... it's you get over here and you get down there like that an then you blondie... [Fritz starts dragging all three girls to the bed and jump and the and removed their clothes and Fritz removed the bandages Having sexual pleasure with the girls]"

"The love you give is equal to the love you get."

"[yelling at various cops as they chase after him] WE SHALL OVERCOME!"

"[Arriving back at his dorm room, where his roomates ignore him] Hello men... everybody all busy studyin' for the goddamn exams and all? Hey Fuzz, how'd it go with that Dee Dee chick, huh? She's got some bod' you have to admit, heh... ol' Charlene isn't bad either though right?... like, wow. Heinz! You swine, ol' buddy pig, ya groove behind Alvina and get some kicks tonight, huh? [laughs][Scene fades into black]. Bastards... you'd think the goddamn exams were the be-all and, end-all of existence... the cosmic life-force or somethin'. Y'd think they were the frickin' fugitives. Can't even get in a few decent words to a guy... bastards... What a bore they just sit there and take bennies an' stay up all night with their face stuck in a bunch of books an' their thumb up their ass. Oh Yes, yes I remember when the time when it was all very inspiring and enlightening... all this history and literature and sociology sh*t... You think learning is a really big thing an' you become this big f***in' intellectual and sit around tryin' ta out-intellectual all the other big f***in' intellectuals... you spend years and years with your nose buried in these goddamn tomes. While the world is passin' you by... and all the stuff to see and all th' kicks an' girls are all out there... an' ME, a writer an' a poet who should be havin' adventures an' experiencing all the diversities and paradoxes and ironies of life! And passin' over all the roads of the world! An' diggin' all the cities and towns and rives... and the oceans... and making all of them chicks... [Imagines naked woman] As a writer and poet it is my duty to get out there and dig the world... to swing with the whole friggin' scene while there's still time! [Grabs paper] My farting around days are over baby! From this day on I shall live every day as if it was my last! Yeah! Yeah! I must do it! No more the dreary boring classes, the dismal lectures, the sitting around bullsh*tting with pretentious fat-ass hippies, no more the books, the spoutings of a bunch of old farts who think they know the whole goddamn score! [Gathers all the papers into a big pile] Ha Ha! Heh Heh. Heh.[Breathes fire] Oh my God! What have I done? Oh...man. [We see the roof of Fritz's dorm on fire] I've set all my notes and books and stuff on fire an' uh, now I can't study for my exams...An' I'll flunk out an' my folks'll be pissed off as hell... I-I'll get a blanket... the blanket's on fire. Man we'd better call the fire department."

"Mother of God, I'm a f***ing fugitive!"

"Hey, hey, hey, Look at this big f***ing gun! [shoots the toilet] I killed the john! I killed the john!"

"My soul is tormented! I've been up and down the four corners of this big old world! I've seen it all! I've done it all! I've fought many a good man, and laid many a good woman! I've had riches and fame and adventure...I've tasted life to the fullest, and still my soul cries out, yes, cries out in this hungry, tortured, wrecked quest: 'More!'"

"Anthony Anderson as Burger Shack Employee"

"We came up with White Castle because it has a history of being a place where intoxicated people go at the end of the night. But then we did see it as a sort of metaphor. It’s about the burgers, but it’s more than just the burgers."

"Shaun Majumder as Saikat Patel"

"Neil Patrick Harris as himself"

"Malin Akerman as Liane"

"Christopher Meloni as Freakshow"

"Boyd Banks as E.R. Patient"

"Ryan Reynolds as Male Nurse"

"Bobby Lee as Kenneth Park"

"Siu Ta as Cindy Kim"

"Paula Garcés as Maria"

"Dan Bochart as Extreme Sports Punk #1"

"Steve Braun as Cole"

"Kal Penn as Kumar Patel"

"Fred Willard as Dr. Willoughby"

"Rob Tinkler as J.D."

"Ethan Embry as Billy Carver"

"John Cho as Harold Lee"

"Palumbo: [upon being arrested for brutality and racism] I'm not a [bleep] racist, all right? You mother [bleep]. Those black mother [bleep] won't get away with this, a'right?! So, [bleep] falls to all y'all! Okay?! So you can suck my [bleep]!"

"Anchor: Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, have just arrested a gang of hooligans who are suspected of terrorizing numerous strip malls and convenience stores. Officer Thurmond Brucks found their abandoned car, which contained a large bag of marijuana. And in other news, the Muckleburg police department are still looking for a fugitive who escaped from the police station last night with a companion believed to be his accomplice. Police have released sketches of the two fugitives which they believe to be extremely accurate."

"Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?"

"[about to ride cheetah] This is either a really smart move or by far the stupidest thing that we have ever tried."

"[to Maria in elevator, after seeing luggage at her feet] Sure got a lotta baggage."

"[last line before the credits] Hey, Roldy, you do realize what's legal in Amsterdam, don't you?"

"[to Harold, about Cindy] So she's kinda fucking cute. Let her touch your penis."