"Eugene: (In the Imagination Station, experiencing the birth of Jesus.) But how could you believe for so long without proof? Without evidence to support your theory?"

"Jimmy: (Recounting a fight with his sister.) I'd tell you the rest, Dad, but this is a family show."

"Donna: The budget?! It's always the budget! We haven't been able to do anything since we got that stupid budget!"

"Eugene: (Describing a device that will shock anyone attempting to open the cash register sans permission.) I used to do this to my parents when they were dieting. It kept them away from the refridgerator."

"Whit: (As Richard brandishes a gun at Dr. Blackgaard, the man who set him up to go to prison two years ago.) Don't you understand that when you go out for revenge you have to dig two graves? One for the person you're after and one for yourself! Richard, there's no such thing as revenge, not really. It never replaces what you lost. It never restores. It doesn't even satisfy. You're out of the detention center now. You've got you're whole life ahead of you! Now please, give me the gun!"

"Digger: (In the midst of the Triumphal Entry.) Come on, Mr. Whittaker. You've been taking lessons from Disneyland."

"Digger: (He has just been placed in a virtual simulation of biblical Jerusalem.) This looks like a scene from Ben-Hur."

"Digger: (Explaining his jeans to a character.) They're Levi's. Levi Strauss."

"Whit: Jamison Shoemaker. He was an Indiana farmer."

"Whit: You'll get more protection out of deodorant spray than you will out of that silly good luck charm."

"Connie: I've been really confused, and I thought that by going to California everything would become clearer for me. And that's exactly what happened. I've got it all figured out and I know what I want to do. I want to pray with you."

"Digger: They killed him, Mr. Whittaker! He didn't do anything to them and they killed him!"

"Jimmy Barclay: The crowd is going wild!"

"Parley Baer as Hezekiah"

"Jeremy: (Bemoaning the fact that he has to eat oatmeal for breakfast.) Why do I have to eat this stuff, anyway? I don't see you guys ever eat any!"

"Connie: (Describing Whit to a friend in a letter.) Oh, and he's really into religion, too. Now, I know what you're thinking, but before you jump to any conclusions, he doesn't shave his head or hang around airports or anything like that."

"Whit: (Jana is confronting her dad for spanking his grandson Monty.) That boy needed some kind of punishment, and it's pretty clear that whatever you've been doing hasn't been working too well!"

"Tom: Say, Whit, got any special plans for tonight?"

"Tom: Now, that's what I call a Christmas tree!"

"Whit: And you know what else? I can prove to you logically that I'm not even here."

"Whit: I just don't understand what all this is about."

"Lisa: (Describing a perdicament in which she cannot think of a Christmas present for a friend.) You see, everything we can afford he won't like, and everything he won't like we can't afford."

"Philo: (Explaining why he isn't worried about a practical joker on the loose in Odyssey pranking him.) I have a rabbit's foot."

"Officer Harley: (Guessing at the moral to Whit's humorous adaptation of "The Gifts of the Magi".) If you want to buy a gift for your friend, you've . . . uh . . . you've gotta sell Lisa's hair!"

"Gabriel Encarncacion as Lawrence Hodges"

"Tom: The only luck that rabbit's foot has brought anybody is bad luck for the rabbit that lost it."

"John Bird - Martin McCabe"

"Stephen Fry - Charles Prentiss"

"Season III"

"Season I: The Early Years"

"Season IV: The Podfather"

"Here, have a gorilla. (to Neddy)"

"You silly, twisted boy, you. (to Neddy)"

"You can't get the wood, you know."

"Haaallooooo"

"I'm the famous Eccles."

"Shut up Eccles!"

"We'll all be murdered in our beds!"

"You rotten swine, you!"

"Waits for audience applause, not a sausage. (Applause) Ooh! Sausinges!"