"We’re not making a parody and I don’t even know if it is a satire but one thing is that the mandate from day one that we make the rules of the Sharknado we make it what they are and whatever we want them to do they do."

"Ian Ziering — Fin Shepard"

"Mark Cuban — President Marcus Robbins"

"Jack Griffo — Billy"

"Tara Reid — April Shepard"

"It takes 15 minutes for your armed forces to reach the White House. We took it in thirteen."

"There is a saying in Korea; seeing something a hundred times is not as good as living it once."

"News Reporter: Not since the British burned down the White House in the War of 1812 has an enemy force occupied the center of American power."

"[last lines] We've lost good friends, family. All good people. Heroes, every one of them. Our thoughts and prayers go out to their families. And they will be remembered, nor will we forget those who served out of the spotlight, to whom we owe our highest gratitude. Our foe did not come only to destroy our things or our people, they came to desecrate a way of life. To foul our beliefs, to trample our freedom. And in this, not only did they fail, they gave us the greatest gift: a chance at our rebirth. We will rise, renewed, stronger and united. This is our time. Our chance to get back to the best of who we are. To lead by example with the honor, dignity and integrity that built this country, and which will build it once again. May God bless you. And may God bless these United States of America."

"I want to reassure the American people, and everyone in the world, that despite today's events, our government remains 100% functional. We know that the President is alive. To our friends, we are grateful for your loyalty and support. As a nation, we're never stronger than when tested. We will remain united and strong. God bless you all. And God bless the United States of America."

"Lynn Jacobs: Banning is ex-Special Forces, Ranger battalion. He will move mountains or die trying! I know him!"

"Phil Austin - Charlie Rodriguez, Vice President of the United States"

"Keong Sim - Lee Tae-Woo, Prime Minister of South Korea"

"Tory Kittles - Agent Jones"

"Dylan McDermott - Dave Forbes"

"Melissa Leo - Ruth McMillan, Secretary of Defense"

"Radha Mitchell - Leah Banning"

"Finley Jacobsen - Connor Asher, son of Benjamin and Margaret Asher"

"Cole Hauser - Agent Roma"

"Ashley Judd - Margaret Asher, First Lady of the United States"

"Sean O'Bryan - Ray Monroe, Deputy Director of the National Security Agency"

"We are never stronger than when we are tested."

"Classified? Really? Well right now I believe I have the proverbial need to fuckin' know."

"Lance Broadway - Agent O'Neil"

"Aaron Eckhart - Benjamin Asher, President of the United States"

"Morgan Freeman - Allan Trumbull, Speaker of the House"

"Rick Yune - Kang Yeonsak"

"Gerard Butler - Mike Banning"

"Angela Bassett - Lynne Jacobs, Director of the Secret Service"

"When our flag falls our nation will rise."

"Look, the car is temporarily out of order and it'll be ready in a minute, I swear."

"No, dear, I'm not a chicken; I'm an emu."

"I'm not yelling, I'm just speaking distinctly!"

"Kenneth Mars - Lou Fox"

"James Staley - Vice President Merck"

"Jean Smart - Ella"

"Maria O'Brien - Donna"

"Ed Begley, Jr. - Hassler"

"Gail Strickland - Ambassador St John"

"Andre Gregory - Nawaf Al Kabeer"

"Cliff DeYoung - Hilley"

"Joel Brooks - Ben"

"Keith Szarabajka - Crowe"

"There's something funny going on in Washington. Goldie's about to become a diplomat."

"He was cursing in at least four languages."

"Goldie Hawn - Sunny Davis"

"You wanna know something? That before I started to work for the government, I'd never read the Constitution? I didn't even begin to know how things worked—I didn't. I didn't read the newspaper, except to look at my horoscope, and I never read the Declaration of Independence; but I know they had—the ones we're talking about, the "experts"—they all read it. They just forgot what it's about—that it's about "We the People." And that's me; I'm "We the People", and you're "We the People", and all of us, we're all "We the People", right? So when they sell me that ten-cent diamond, or down the river, or-or to some guy who wears a lot of medals, that means they're selling all of us, all of "We the People." And when they—I mean, when you guys—when you spend another pile of money, and when you give away or sell all those guns and tanks and planes, and every time you invite another foreign big-shot to the White House and hug and kiss 'em and give them presents, it has a direct effect on "We the People"'s lives!"

"Okay. Okay, now, who can we get to go talk to the girl and impress her? Come on, let's think, there must be someone—someone who's reasonably good-natured, has a reasonably high TVQ, and absolutely nothing important to do."