"I'm angry. I'm very angry, Ralph. You know, you can ball my wife if she wants you to. You can lounge around here on her sofa, in her ex-husband's dead-tech, post-modernistic bullshit house if you want to. But you do not get to watch MY FUCKING TELEVISION SET!"

"You ever wonder about these militia groups? Survivalist-type kooks on the right wing side? They say they're defending the country from U.N. troops. These guys are yelling so loud, my theory is that this is a conspiracy, pal — they ARE the U.N. troops, and they're in place. The infrastructure's ready, it's a fait accompli. When the time comes, they'll just take over and we'll all be toast."

"Cylk Cozart - Agent Lowry"

"Patrick Stewart - Dr. Jonas"

"Julia Roberts - Alice Sutton"

"Mel Gibson - Jerry Fletcher"

"Jerry Fletcher sees conspiracies everywhere. One has turned out to be true."

"If the intelligence world was a family, we'd be the uncle no one ever talks about."

"Jerry, you continually surprise me. Alice… I always seem to come between you and the men in your life."

"This will put my words in your mouth. [while drugging Jerry]"

"In one hour, I want to know what she eats, where she sleeps, the name of her kindergarten teacher, everything."

"I know I must share some of the blame for this. I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"Have you ever been in a place from which hope is gone? Where the only thing left... is patience?"

"We've been looking for you for a long time, Jerry."

"You know what they put in the water, don't you? Fluoride. Yeah, fluoride — on the pretext that it strengthens your teeth! That's ridiculous. You know what that stuff does to you? It weakens your will, destroys your capacity for free and creative thought, and makes you a slave to the state!"

"I believe you. He made great coffee."

"I'm turning into a Jerry."

"Is that supposed to protect you from aliens or something?"

"Do you know what it's like, Mister Willion, to think you know what happened, but to never be sure?"

"That guy is a restraining order waiting to happen. It's like he has a problem with the world."

"It's on the tip of my brain."

"Alice? I... I'm sorry you're dead."

"A good conspiracy is unprovable. I mean, if you can prove it, it means they screwed up somewhere along the line."

"You're after a man with no nose, not me! Not me!"

"They, they start when you're young, you know, in school. They Baden-Powell all the boys and-and they Betty Crocker all the girls!"

"I'm only paranoid because they want me dead."

"Why is this thing safe for me and not for my keys?"

"Black helicopters, right? You've heard about them, black helicopters? Yeah, they're on, they're on whisper mode, so you can't hear 'em till they've already gone! You know?"

"Is that one of those new hundreds? You know, where they changed the picture of Ben Franklin? Look at him, yeah. He looks like the love child of-of, uh, Fred Mertz and Rosie O'Donnell! Yeah, that's him, yeah. Get rid of it as soon as you can, lady. Look at it up in the light. You see that metal strip? That's a tracking device!"

"Hey, don't get me wrong, Sister, I'm sure your heart's in the right place, okay? But somebody's gotta lift the scab, the festering scab, that is the Vatican. (to a nun riding in his cab)"

"George Bush knew what he was doing when he said, "New World Order". Remember those three little words, "New World Order"? Well, he was a thirty-third degree Mason, you know, and as ex-head of the C.I.A., he knew saying that would send conspiratologists everywhere spinning, spinning their wheels. And then, then, th-they destroy their own credibility!"

"I am an American citizen, and I demand to see Alice Sutton."

"Websites, newsletters, uh, self-published manifestos... they think we're kooks!"

"Oswald. Yeah, Oswald, that's what I said, Oswald. I mean, he said, "I'm just a patsy." And that means he didn't do it, right?"

"Ivana Miličević - Ruby's Sales Clerk"

"Larry King - Himself (uncredited)"

"Brian Markinson - Attorney Brian Blake (uncredited)"

"Philip Baker Hall - Attorney Mark Silverberg (uncredited)"

"Jason Robards - Congressman Phil Hammersley (uncredited)"

"Tom Sizemore - Boss Paulie Pintero (uncredited)"

"Seth Green - Selby (uncredited)"

"Dan Butler - NSA Director Admiral Shaffer"

"Bodhi Elfman - Van"

"[talking to wife on the way back from work] You're the only woman for me. You and Janet Jackson."

"Loren Dean - Loren Hicks"

"Laura Cayouette - Christa Hawkins"

"Anna Gunn - Emily Reynolds"

"Jack Black - Fiedler"

"Stuart Wilson - Congressman Sam Albert"