"Illinois Nazi Party Leader: White men! White women! The swastika is calling you! The sacred and ancient symbol of your race since the beginning of time! The Jew is using the black as muscle against you! And you are left there, helpless. Well? What are you gonna do about it, whitey? Just sit there? Of course not! You are going to join with us! The members of the American Socialist White People's Party. An organization of decent law-abiding white folk, just like you."

"Excuse me. Thank you all for coming. I'm Donald Sinclair, I own this hotel. We don't have much time. There's a meteor the size of North Carolina heading straight for Earth. The impact is going to kill every thing and everyone on this planet. I built a bunker in the basement to this casino strong enough to withstand the blast. There's room enough for eight people. I have chosen the seven of you, plus me. When this is over, it'll be up to us to repopulate and re-civilize the planet. [Everyone looks shocked for about five seconds, before Sinclair begins laughing hysterically] I'm sorry. I couldn't resist!"

"Enrico Pollini"

"The Pear Family: Randy, Bev (wife), Jason (son) & Kimberly (daughter)"

"Vera Baker and Her biological daughter Merrill Jennings"

"The Cody Brothers: Duane & Blaine"

"Owen Templeton"

"Nick Schaffer and His love interest Tracy Faucet"

"Dean Cain as Shawn Kent"

"Paul Rodriguez as Gus the Cabbie"

"Silas Weir Mitchell as Lloyd the Locksmith"

"Wayne Knight as Zack Mallozzi"

"Dave Thomas as Harold Grisham"

"Rowan Atkinson as Enrico Pollini"

"Jillian Marie Hubert as Kimberly Pear"

"Brody Smith as Jason Pear"

"Kathy Najimy as Beverly 'Bev' Pear"

"Jon Lovitz as Randall 'Randy' Pear"

"Lanai Chapman as Merrill Baker Jennings"

"Whoopi Goldberg as Vera Baker"

"Vince Vieluf as Blaine Cody"

"Seth Green as Duane Cody"

"Cuba Gooding Jr. as Owen Templeton"

"Amy Smart as Tracy Faucet"

"Breckin Meyer as Nick Schaffer"

"John Cleese as Donald P. Sinclair"

"Join the Race August 2001"

"Make a Dash, for the Cash"

"563 miles. 9 people. $2 million. 1001 problems!"

"Hey look! A drifter! Let's kill him!"

"I make a joke to help you forget how screwed you are."

"Is a race! I am winning, I am winning! [slows down and falls asleep standing up in the middle of the hotel lobby]"

"It's a race! It's a race! I hope I win!"

"I am getting goose pimples."

"[Introducing himself] I am Enrico Polinni. Now I know what you are thinking, Enrico is a girl's name. No pun intended."

"[Entering room] Am I too late? Look I won a coin! A gold coin! [looks around] Uh, isn't this wonderful? Look at this room. What a beautiful room! Have you seen this room?"

"And, they're off!"

"Theoretically, you have been racing for about 40 seconds now, and so far, Mr. Schaefer is winning, because he's nearest to the door!"

"[to Owen] I can do anything I want Nick. I'm eccentric! [growls like a tiger] Go!"

"Now, as you all know, the odds of winning the state lottery or a jackpot at one of our casinos are astronomical, I mean, millions-to-one; the average sensible person doesn't even bother. However, today you have the chance of playing a game where the odds of winning are one-in-six. One...in...six. That's one throw...[Tosses a dice onto the table] of the dice."

"You haven't missed much, we're just cutting to the chase [Chuckles] "Cutting to the chase" [Laughs hysterically, then sees everyone else is silent] Eh, you'll all laugh later."

"You drink these up, then we're gonna return the Nazi-mobile. And then we'll get the van fixed and we'll go back to Vegas and see David Copperfield! Yay!"

"I do NOT want to work at Home Depot!"

"Are you insane?! This is Hitler's car! [the bikers continue to attack the car and force it off the road, causing it to crash into a Veterans' gathering. Randy's philtrum collides with the wheel and smears itself with its paint, making it look like Randy has Hitler's mustache, much to the shock of the veterans]"

"[to the biker]Hi! [his tongue slips]I really like you dike- bike. [he tries to laugh it off, but the biker whistles behind her, and several other bikers appear, ready to attack]"

"They're always pissed, honey. They're Nazis, it's like it's their job."

"We should've bought a squirrel."

"[to Owen] I knew I recognized you, you're the referee, the bonehead!"