"Guy: Oh, good, another one! Let's see how she does with this. Wait for it! Wait for it! Go! No! Stop! Stop! Go! No, no, no! Stop! Wait... go, go, go! Go! No! Stop! Stop!"

"Prisoner: This spot's taken!"

"Prisoner #2: Get off! Find your own hiding spot!"

"Knight: Wow, this thing is heavy. We need something strong to move it."

"Knight #2: Like my head."

"Knight: Yeah, like your head. Oh, you are so stupid! No wonder you're guarding the sewers!"

"Guy: Almost out..."

"Prisoner: I'm not sure this is the right direction. It keeps getting darker!"

"Prisoner #2: Might as well search for loot while we're down here."

"Prisoner #3: Now, why would they be loot in the sewers? There's just rats down here!"

"Prisoner #2: Everyone knows rats guard treasure! Gold, gems, bullion, doubloons! Kick one of those crates open, would ya?"

"Prisoner #3: A monster! Run!"

"Guy: You're not getting out of this pit that easily, miss!"

"Artie: Ugh. This is my kingdom?"

"Shrek: Yeah, well, it looked better before I left."

"Artie: Sounds like something's going on the middle of town. You go that way, I'll go this way."

"Shrek: Well, isn't he getting bossy?"

"Peasant Actor: Imposter! I'm the one playing the ogre in the play tonight! Union rules!"

"Knight: Sir Gordon! Come down and help us with this ogre!"

"Sir Gordon: Um, I can't! Guarding the parapet, sir. In case of, uh... gargoyle attack. Sir."

"Knight: Gargoyles? There ain't no such thing as gargoyles!"

"Sir Gordon: Very dangerous, gargoyles is! Always good to have someone on lookout. Good luck, though!"

"Peasant Actor: You won't steal my limelight! I'm the star!"

"Knight: Ogre! Halt!"

"Peasant: You idiot! That's an actor, not an ogre. And he has come to with me now! The show's starting in five minutes!"

"Knight: Looks like an ogre to me, and Charming said we isn't to let any ogres pass."

"Peasant: It's an actor! Look, he's wearing a big rubber mask. Oh no. That's not a mask, is it?"

"Shrek: Uh, no."

"Peasant: Aaaaaagh!"

"Peasant Actor: Someone arrest this phony! That's my cue!"

"Peasant: What's he doing? Uh... oh no!"

"(Fiona arrives)"

"Shrek: Fiona!"

"Fiona: Shrek! I heard they sent Captain Hook after you!"

"Shrek: Yeah, well, he's singing a different tune now. Where's Charming?"

"(Prince Charming arrives)"

"Prince Charming: Actually it can't start without you, Shrek."

"Donkey: Some people think it's alright. Really short, like 10-15 minutes late all the time."

"Donkey: Shrek, Shrek, did we miss the beginning?"

"Shrek: No."

"Donkey: No, I can't miss the beginning of the show."

"Shrek: Donkey."

"Puss: What are you talking about? I look good in this. These boots are Italian leather. They accentuate my -- ENOUGH! I am here to kill the ogre. Prepare... to die. And now, señor, prepare to feel my blade's cold, sweet kiss. Cough, cough...COUGH COUGH COUGH..."

"Shrek: Uh...Are we supposed to pat him, or what?"

"Donkey: Nah, he's a goner. Let's just watch."

"Puss: GAK!! YURK!!"