"[to Cindy] Oh! You-- You demolished me New Year's Eve. But see-- I realize you did me a favor. You brought me back to reality. All I ever wanted to do was get close to you. And then, when I finally got there, it wasn't me anymore."

"[Talking to Cindy outside her house] I need to talk to you. Every time I call, you're either taking a bath, washing your hair or you're out of the country. That was a good one, by the way."

"[to his dad, about his brother] Here is the prime example. You're raising a doll-chopping homicidal maniac, and what do you do every time you see him? You give him money. Great!"

"You ignored the Ronald Miller geek for seventeen years, now you want to ride the Ronnie Miller express!"

"[to Cindy] You can do anything you want, anything you put your heart and mind into!"

"Engage the enemy."

"Kiersten Warren - Claire O'Mara"

"Colin Linden - Father Scot"

"Irwin Keyes - Wheezy Joe"

"Isabell O'Connor - Judge Marva Munson"

"Jack Kyle - Ollie"

"Wendle Josepher - Miles' Receptionist"

"Stacey Travis - Bonnie Donaly"

"Tom Aldredge - Herb Myerson"

"Jonathan Hadary - Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy"

"Julia Duffy - Sarah Batista O'Flanagan Sorkin"

"Billy Bob Thornton - Howard D. Doyle"

"Richard Jenkins - Freddy Bender"

"Paul Adelstein - Wrigley"

"Edward Herrmann - Rex Rexroth"

"Cedric the Entertainer - Gus Petch"

"Geoffrey Rush - Donovan Donaly"

"Catherine Zeta-Jones - Marylin Hamilton Rexroth Doyle Massey"

"George Clooney - Miles Massey"

"A romantic comedy with bite."

"[Pointing to Rex Rexroth] I introduced her to that silly man."

"I am a baron you silly man!"

"Has any one got some bones?"

"You should have seen this coming you Australian piece of shit!"

"I'm going to talk to you about the law. We serve the law. We honor the law. And sometimes, we obey the law. But this is not one of those times."

"Explain this away, darling!"

"Why kill the only woman you've ever loved when she's the richer party."

"[Wheezy Joe has just accidentally shot himself] Told him it was no go..."

"Who needs a home when you have a colostomy bag"

"You didnt tell me they had a hard-on for anus africanus!"

"[repeated line] I'm gonna nail your ass!"

"You want tact, call a tactician. You want an ass nailed, you call Gus Petch."

"I've invested five good years in my marriage to Rex and I've nailed his ass fair and square. Now I'm going to have it stuffed, mounted, and have my lady friends come over and throw darts at it."

"Let the record show that the Baron has identified Rex Rexroth as the silly man!"

"Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham."

"Sorry. I'm not omniscient."

"You fascinate me."

"Hugh Vaughan - Thomas Twp Too"

"Tudor Vaughan - Thomas Twp"

"Harry Kretchmer - The Grandson"

"Ieuan Rhys - Sgt Thomas"

"Robert Pugh - Williams the Petroleum"

"Kenneth Griffith - Rev. Robert Jones"

"Ian Hart - Johnny "Shellshocked" Jones"

"Ian McNeice - George Garrad"