"[voiceover] Amazing how grimly we hold on to our misery, the energy we burn fueling our anger. Amazing how one moment, we can be snarling like a beast, then a few moments later, forgetting what or why. Not hours of this, or days, or months, or years of this...but decades. Lifetimes completely used up, given over to the pettiest rancor and hatred. Finally, there is nothing here for death to take away."

"They're gonna bust your arse."

"— Inspector Frank Butterman"

"Timothy Dalton — Simon Skinner"

"— PC Danny Butterman"

"— Sergeant Nicholas Angel"

"Bring the noise."

"They're bad boys. They're die hards. They're lethal weapons. They're the Fuzz."

"Big Cops. Small Town. Moderate Violence."

"Tom Weaver: [while aiming a blunderbuss at Nicholas] You know what you are? A BLOODY BUSYBODY!"

"Sgt. Turner #2: I dunno, nobody tells me nothin'."

"PC Doris Thatcher: [after knocking Tina unconscious with a 'Slippery When Wet' sign] Nothing like a bit o' girl-on-girl."

"Sgt. Turner: Oh, Sgt. Angel, someone from London called for you. [Angel turns to face him, he is literally covered in firearms all over his black suit, he has a tooth pick in his mouth] I'll tell 'em you'll ring em back."

"Michael Armstrong AKA Lurch: Yarp."

"DC Andy Wainwright: [after a bottle of bolognaise explodes in his face] It's alright, Andy! It's just bolognaise!"

"Sgt. Turner: [after Angel has arrested three underage drinkers] You really want to, process all this lot? My pen's runnin' out."

"DS Andy Wainwright: Murder, murder, murder. Change the fucking record!"

"DC Andy Cartwright: You wanna be a big cop in a small town? Fuck off up the model village!"

"Sgt. Tony Fisher: [after Sgt. Angel lays out a plan of action] Very good. What he said."

"Sgt. Tony Fisher: [upon being presented with an obvious murder scene] Hang about, hang about... you're saying this wasn't an accident?"

"Reverend Phillip Shooter: Fuck off, grasshopper! [after being shot]Jesus Christ!"

"Joyce Cooper: I hope you had a pleasant trip—fascist!"

"Met. Sergeant narrating: Police Constable Nicholas Angel: born, schooled in London. Graduated Canterbury University in 1993 with a double first in Politics and Sociology. Attended Hendon College of Police Training and displayed great attitude in field exercises, notably Urban Pacification and Riot Control. Academically excelled in theoretical coursework and final year examinations. Received the Baton of Honour, graduated with distinction into the Metropolitan Police Service and quickly established an effectiveness and popularity within the community. Proceeded to improve skill base with courses in advanced driving and advanced cycling. Became heavily involved in a number of extra-vocational activities and to this day holds the Met record for the hundred metre dash. In 2001, he began active duty with the renowned SO19 Armed Response Unit and received a Bravery Award for efforts in the resolution of Operation Crackdown. In the last twelve months, he has received nine special commendations, achieved highest arrest record for any officer in the Met and sustained three injuries in the line of duty, most recently in December when wounded by a man dressed as Father Christmas."

"[after tripping and impaling his chin on the spire of a model church] Ooooow...Thith...really...hurtth.... I'm...going...to need thome...icee... creeeeeam...."

"GET! [punch] OUT! [punch] OF MY! [punch] VILLAGE! [punch], [while fighting Angel]."

"[taking a ginger-haired boy hostage] Stay back! Or the ginger-nut gets it! [the child bites Skinner's hand and runs away] Ow! You little FUCKER!"

"My, my. Here come the Fuzz."

"Absolute tosh, wasn't it? It's annoying that the understudies are actually professional actors. Greg over there was an extra in Straw Dogs and Sheri portrayed a cadaver in Prime Suspect."

"I'm sure if we bashed your head in, all sorts of secrets would come tumbling out..."

"I'm a slasher, and I must be stopped!"

"[After Nicholas corrects Danny's use of "policeman" to "police officer"] What made you wanna be a policeman-officer?"

""Do you want anything from the shop?" [repeated by Danny and Nicholas]"

"[cue to hit the sirens and rev the engine] Bring the noise!"

"You're off the fuckin' chain!"

"Is it true that there is a place in a man's head that, if you shoot it, it will blow up?"

"[while Nicholas is chasing a shoplifter through the supermarket, Danny is reading the taglines of the cheap action films in the half-price bin] Supercop. Meet the cop that can't be stopped."

"[discussing why a person would wear a hat to cover his face] He's fuck-ugly."

"[seeing the vast collection of guns] By the power of Greyskull!"

"Have you ever fired your gun up in the air and gone "ahhrgh"?"

"[after a farmer called Peter Ian Staker has phoned up about a lost swan] P.I. Staker... Right. Pisstaker! Come on!"

"[after walking into Sandford with a ton of weapons and ammo on him] Morning."

"[distracting Michael with a chunky monkey] Hey biggun'. Playtime's over."

"[after stopping Danny's swan call] That's just going to scare it."

"Sergeant Butterman, the little hand says it's time to rock and roll."

"[echoing line from Shaun Of The Dead] What's the matter, Danny? Never taken a shortcut before?"

"[after the village doctor is shot in the foot] You're a doctor. Deal with it!"

"(whilst chasing Frank Butterman) PUNCH-THAT-SHIT!"

"[after watching Point Break] I won't argue that it wasn't a no-holds-barred adrenaline-fuelled thrill-ride, but there's no way that you could perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork."

"[seeing Danny's film collection] By the power of Greyskull..."