"Kayla: Maybe you should care a little bit less about work and a little bit more about the girl you're dating because last time I checked work doesn't reassure you that liking a finger up your ass doesn't make you gay."

"Friendship is a four-letter word."

"Some friends come with a happy ending."

"Taxi Driver: Welcome to New York! Go and fuck a dick!"

"I really have to stop buying into this bullshit Hollywood cliche of true love. [sees posters for "The Ugly Truth" on a wall] Shut up, Katherine Heigl, you stupid, little liar!"

"[repeated line] Still not gay?"

"A work ethic. I love it! That is why this country is still number one. Well, behind Germany and France and Belgium and Japan and China. Thank God for Bangladesh!"

"Justin Timberlake – Dylan Harper"

"I'm emotionally unavailable."

"Are you trying to dig your way to China?"

"I have the perfect body for Photoshop. This [face] gets more angular, these [legs] get longer and this [nose] gets way more Christian."

"Mila Kunis – Jamie Rellis"

"Everybody, this is Dylan. He's from L.A. [Everybody boos him] He's the reason I can afford all this beer! [Everybody cheers him]"

"Patricia Clarkson – Lorna, Jamie's mother"

"Jenna Elfman – Annie, Dylan's sister"

"Bryan Greenberg – Parker"

"Wayne Federman - Chip Dave"

"Sebastian Maniscalco - Stand-Up Comic"

"Linda Porter - Old Lady"

"Gillian Vigman - Becky"

"Ian Roberts - Driver at College Campus"

"A hilarious high-stakes jackpot!"

"Jessie Ennis - Rachel"

"Randall Park - Buckler"

"Jessica St. Clair - Reba"

"Andrea Savage - Laura"

"Andy Buckley - Craig"

"Kyle Kinane - Kevin Garvey"

"Lennon Parham - Martha"

"Cedric Yarbrough - Reggie Henderson"

"Steve Zissis - Carl Shackler"

"Michaela Watkins - Raina Theodrakis"

"Rory Scovel - Joe Mayweather"

"Ryan Simpkins - Alex Johansen"

"Nick Kroll - Bob Schaeffer"

"Allison Tolman - Dawn Mayweather"

"Alexandra Daddario - Corsica"

"Jeremy Renner - Tommy Papouli"

"Rob Huebel - Police Officer Chandler"

"Sam Richardson - Marty"

"Are you guys familiar with the cliché, "It's a cliché because it's true? Well, that cliché about clichés being true has never been more true than right now with the cliché, the house always wins.""

"Will Ferrell - Scott Johansen"

"Eat her fucking face off, Martha!"

"Amy Poehler - Kate Johansen"