"Professor Stromwell: A legal education means you will learn to speak in a new language. You will be taught to achieve insight into the world around you. And to sharply question what you know."

"Professor Stromwell: If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you're not the girl I thought you were."

"Aaron Mitchell: I was first in my class at Princeton, I have an I.Q. of a hundred and eighty-seven, and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his Brief History of Time…from my fourth grade paper."

"Elle's father: Law school is for people who are boring, and ugly, and…serious. And you, Button, are none of those things."

"[to her ex-husband] I'm takin' the dog, Dumbass!"

"Could I have been anymore goddamn spastic?"

"Do you think she just woke up one morning and said, 'I think I'll go to law school today'?"

"You know, being a blonde is actually a pretty powerful thing. You hold more cards than you think you do. And I, for one, would like to see you take that power and channel it toward the greater good, you know?"

"[Speaking at the class graduation as valedictorian in Harvard.] On my very first day at Harvard, a very wise professor quoted Aristotle, "The law is reason free from passion"; Well, no offence to Aristotle, but in my three years at Harvard, I have come to find passion is the key ingredient to the study and practice of law, and of life. It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world. Remembering that first impressions are not always correct, you must always have faith in people, and most importantly you must always have faith in yourself. Congratulations, Class of 2004... [excited] We did it!"

"[to Warner] I've been waiting for a long time for you to say that. But if I'm going to be a partner in a law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead."

"I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be!"

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands. They just don't!"

"The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known."

"Bend... and snap!"

"All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs."

"He's engaged! She's got the six-carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger."

"So just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner, across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's better than some stinky old Vanderbilt."

"And two weeks ago, I killed Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, when I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed!"

"What is this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see. Don't be that guy."

"Womynist: You participated in a phallus naming?"

"B.D.: Well, what I figure they did was they cut out a picture of your head and pasted it on another, different picture. I've done a little collage work myself."

"Raji: Play Metallica and they will come."

"Old Woman: Excuse me. Can you blow me where the Pampers is?"

"Womynist: He's coming over here. Sisters, form a wall!"

"Afrocentrist: And the walls are painted white. And the chalk is white. And even the copy machine paper is white. This, my friend, is a white devil's conspiracy."

"You passed out cigarettes for a smoke-a-thon on Earth Day. You installed speed bumps on the handicapped ramps and, most recently, you dumped 100 pounds of meat on a peaceful vegan protest!"

"I think that Bisexual Asian Studies should have its own building. The question is who goes? The math department or the hockey team? ... I think Hockey, call me about it."

"Pins and needles!"

""A Bridge Too Far." Caine and Hackman in the same movie. This is my thesis man! This is my closing argument! I CAN STOP WATCHING TV!"

"Shower scene...."

"Whoa! Reality check here! Earth to tall bitch! What is your fault? This is!"

"I scheme and plan for months and it gets screwed up because you can't control the students! Never send a woman to do a man's job!"

"Pride of the Port Chester sports program, Tom: Hippie Olympics. Doesn't matter who wins 'cause they're all losers. You know, it's sad, really. This school used to be a bastion of rich, white elitism. And now... now they let homosexuals on the football team. Whining minorities run the student government. And you can't even coerce a woman into having sex with you without being brought up on charges."

"Just one binger to brighten up your day"

"Have a bong hit!"

"We're getting housed here, guys. I say we bring in Blotter."