"(upon seeing a slinky dress) Now, I ask you, Duarto, who's supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It's a conspiracy, I know it is! I've had enough. I'm leading a protest. I'm not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!"

"Fill 'em up!"

"No, Sean Connery is Monique's boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he's still a stud!"

"You think that because I'm a movie star I don't have feelings. Well you're wrong. I'm an actress. I've got all of them!"

"Chris: Guess what, dad? I'm a lesbian. A big one."

"Dr. Morris Packman: If I give you one more face lift, you're going to be able to blink your lips!"

"Gunilla: (sees Shelley and Morty entering her building) Social climbers on the rise."

"What's the matter, Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?"

"Edward Herrmann - Rex Rexroth"

"Cedric the Entertainer - Gus Petch"

"Geoffrey Rush - Donovan Donaly"

"Catherine Zeta-Jones - Marylin Hamilton Rexroth Doyle Massey"

"George Clooney - Miles Massey"

"A romantic comedy with bite."

"Engage the enemy."

"[Pointing to Rex Rexroth] I introduced her to that silly man."

"I am a baron you silly man!"

"Has any one got some bones?"

"You should have seen this coming you Australian piece of shit!"

"I'm going to talk to you about the law. We serve the law. We honor the law. And sometimes, we obey the law. But this is not one of those times."

"Explain this away, darling!"

"Kiersten Warren - Claire O'Mara"

"Why kill the only woman you've ever loved when she's the richer party."

"[Wheezy Joe has just accidentally shot himself] Told him it was no go..."

"Who needs a home when you have a colostomy bag"

"You didnt tell me they had a hard-on for anus africanus!"

"[repeated line] I'm gonna nail your ass!"

"You want tact, call a tactician. You want an ass nailed, you call Gus Petch."

"I've invested five good years in my marriage to Rex and I've nailed his ass fair and square. Now I'm going to have it stuffed, mounted, and have my lady friends come over and throw darts at it."

"Let the record show that the Baron has identified Rex Rexroth as the silly man!"

"Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham."

"Sorry. I'm not omniscient."

"You fascinate me."

"Irwin Keyes - Wheezy Joe"

"Colin Linden - Father Scot"

"Isabell O'Connor - Judge Marva Munson"

"Jack Kyle - Ollie"