"You wanna talk about The Scarlet Letter, Ms. Tafferty? All right. Well, the A they're both wearing - I think it stands for "asshole." Wanna know why? Because they fell in love and love is for stupid assholes. And this book is just about a bunch of assholes who fell in love, like assholes, then had to die, like assholes. I'm sorry about all the "assholes.""

"Jonah Bobo - Robbie Weaver"

"I'm going to help you find your manhood. Do you have any idea where you might have lost it?"

"I'm wildly unhappy, and I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working."

"I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one... you never give up."

"I'm so mad at you. I'm really mad at you for what you did. But I'm mad at myself too. Because I should not have jumped out of that car - I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soul mates."

"I have loved her even when I hated her... only married couples'll understand that one..."

"The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise."

"[to Jacob] Will you take off your shirt... fuck! Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped!"

"Richard Steven Horvitz - Hardware Store Assistant"

"Is this some kind of a skit? Because I'm lost."

"Josh Groban - Richard"

"I like a lot of semen, always have."

"Do you poke smot?"

"Rosalie Ward - Alex"

"Michael Rivera - Eddie"

"Robert Curtis Brown - Peter"

"Blanchard Ryan - Annalise"

"Alexandra Wentworth - Diane"

"James Patrick Stuart - Dr. Moss"

"Rita Wilson -Trisha"

"Peter Mackenzie - Dr. Alan"

"Zoe Kazan - Gabby Adler"

"Caitlin Fitzgerald - Lauren Adler"

"Hunter Parrish - Luke Adler"

"Alec Baldwin - Jake Adler"

"Luke Bell - Agness Adler"