"[last lines] My story starts at sea... a perilous voyage to an unknown land... a shipwreck... The wild waters roar and heave... The brave vessel is dashed all to pieces, and all the helpless souls within her drowned... all save one... a lady... whose soul is greater than the ocean... and her spirit stronger than the sea's embrace... Not for her a watery end, but a new life beginning on a stranger shore. It will be a love story... for she will be my heroine for all time. And her name will be... Viola."

"You see? The comsumptives plot against me. "Will Shakespeare has a play, let us go and cough through it.""

"Love denied blights the soul we owe to God."

"Master Kent, as I foretold, Lord Wessex has lost his wife to the theater. Go, make your farewell, and send her out."

"[to Lord Wessex] Have her then, but you're a lordly fool. She's been plucked since I saw her last, and not by you... it takes a woman to know it."

"I know something of a woman in a man's profession. Yes, by God, I do know about that."

"Write me well."

"[To summon the invisible swordsman] Farley Farley Farley Farley Farley, Hufaaaaarrr!"

"Randy Newman - Singing Bush (voice)"

"Kai Wulff - German"

"Fred Asparagus - Bartender"

"Philip Gordon - Rodrigo"

"Patrice Martinez - Carmen"

"Humberto Ortiz - Pablo"

"Tony Plana - Jefe"

"Alfonso Arau - El Guapo"

"Martin Short - Ned Nederlander"

"Chevy Chase - Dusty Bottoms"

"Steve Martin - Lucky Day"

"Harry Flugelman: (ranting at the Amigos) It'll be a cold day in hell when Harry Flugelman lets an actor tell him what to do!"

"Dirty Mexican: And then they called us scum sucking pigs...US!"

"Pablo: Can I have your watch when you are dead?"

"Jefe: [to El Guapo] Could it be that once again you are angry for something else, and you are taking it out on me?"

"El Guapo only kills men. [horse neighs, Three Amigos shuffle nervously] He does not kill crying women! [Three Amigos let out a sigh of relief]"

"[Describing his plans for dealing with the Amigos] Tomorrow I will take fifty men with me, find these three gringos, open their stomachs, grab their intestines, and squeeze the shit out of them!"

"I know each one of you, like I know my own smell!"

"Do you have anything besides Mexican food?"

"One time, Dorothy Gish was visiting me on the set of "Little Neddy, Grab Your Gun". And she came up to me and she looked me in the face and - I'd never met her, I'd just known her on films, you know, Dorothy Gish, Lillian's sister - and she looked me in the eyes and she said, "Young man, you have got it." And. Ah! Dorothy Gish. It's a true story."

"In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be the actual El Guapo!"

"Well you slime eating dogs, you scum-sucking pigs, you sons of a motherless goat!"

"You were supposed to fire up! We both fired UP! It's like living with a six-year-old."

"Oh GREAT!!! REAL bullets!!!"

"Uh, this is real... Yes: They. are going. to KILL us!"

"Mount up! ... It means get on your horses."

"We didn't need dialogue. We had faces!"

"Nancy Olson - Betty Schaefer"

"Erich von Stroheim - Max von Mayerling"

"William Holden - Joe Gillis"

"Gloria Swanson - Norma Desmond"

"I just want to tell you all how happy I am to be back in the studio, making a picture again! You don't know how much I've missed all of you. And I promise you I'll never desert you again because after Salome we'll make another picture and another picture. You see, this is my life! It always will be! There's nothing else! Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark!… All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."

"Without me, there wouldn't be any Paramount studio."

"The stars are ageless, aren't they?"

"They took the idols and smashed them, the Fairbankses, the Gilberts, the Valentinos! And who've we got now? Some nobodies!"

"There once was a time in this business when I had the eyes of the whole world! But that wasn't good enough for them, oh no! They had to have the ears of the whole world too. So they opened their big mouths and out came talk. Talk! TALK!"