Criminal Comedy Films

"Toni Collette as Kristin"

"Alessandro Bressanello as Don Giuseppe Balbano"

"We made Gruyère cheese out of that coffin - with a lot of holes!"

"[Referring to laptop image] When was the last time you saw a thigh gap like that?"

"You terrified them. Last night was a true work of art. You have rage. Kirsten, wild, passionate, deep rage. I like it."

"This means war."

"Tommy Rodger as Domenick"

"You can do a lot of good with the power you have. It's not about losing yourself. It's about - becoming yourself."

"I just hope this is what you want. [Puts her arms around Kristin] Never let the man dictate - who you are or what you can do."

"Monica Bellucci as Bianca"

"Tim Daish as Paul"

"[To Kristin] You look like a librarian in a library, not a porno."

"Joanna Kelly as Jill"

"Maree Cheatham as Elderly Woman"

"Martin Spanjers as Seth"

"Lisa Brenner as Juliet"

"Lee Weaver as Barney"

"David Ellison as Romeo"

"Don McManus as Dennis Rivers"

"Gee, if you're not Stephanie Sinclair, and I'm not Stephanie Sinclair, and this is Stephanie Sinclair's apartment, then what the fuck are we all doing here?"

"Benjamin Brown as Aaron"

"Matthew Modine as Mr. Jack"

"Callum Blue as Sweet Stephen Miller"

"Liza Weil as Norma"

"Adam Baldwin as Tommy the Cop"

"Paul Adelstein as Philly"

"Zach Galifianakis as Bucky"

"Nicole Dalton as Jessica"

"Leslie Odom Jr. as Lionel Toussaint"

"Kate Hudson – Birdie Jay"

"Dave Bautista – Duke Cody"

"Kathryn Hahn – Claire Debella"

"Edward Norton – Miles Bron"

"Jessica Henwick – Peg"

"Janelle Monáe – Helen and Andi Brand"

"[about the Mona Lisa] You know Da Vinci invented a technique for brushstrokes that leave no lines? That's how you can look straight at her, and her expression changes every time. Her smile's there, then it disappears. Is she happy, is she sad, is it something else? This simple thing that you thought you were looking at, it suddenly takes on layers and depth so complex, gives you vertigo."

"Okay, look, I know you guys think I'm a hippie, but can we just take a second and fully in-breathe-iate [sic] this moment together?"

"Andi used to tell me the truth. Nobody does that now. It's all just fake smiles and agendas and people wanting what they think they're owed. Hating you when you don't give it to them because that's what you're there for."

"If I ever meet Jared Leto, I am gonna whup his kombucha-brewin' ass."

"Madelyn Cline – Whiskey"

"You would lie for a lie, but you won't lie for the truth."

"Oh, shitballs!"

"Noah Segan – Derol"

"[echoing Blanc] Shitballs."

"Well, I keep returning in my mind to the glass onion. Something that seems densely layered, mysterious and inscrutable. But in fact, the centre is in plain sight. And that is why this case has confounded me like no other. Why, every complex layer peeled back has revealed another layer, and another layer, and come to naught. And that was the problem right there. You see, I expected complexity. I expected intelligence. I expected a puzzle, a game. But that's not what any of this is. It hides not behind complexity, but behind mind-numbing, obvious clarity. Truth is, it doesn't hide at all. I was staring right at it."

"Mr. Bron, I've learned through bitter experience that an anonymous invitation is not to be trifled with."

"My God, it's full of stars!"

"What is reality?!"

"I like the glass onion, as a metaphor. An object that seems densely layered, but in reality, the centre is in plain sight. Your relationship with these people may seem complex, but looking at what you've done this weekend, it's crystal clear. You've taken seven people, each of whom has a real life reason to wish you harm, gathered them together on a remote island, and placed the idea of your murder in their heads. It's like putting a loaded gun on the table, and turning off the lights."

"Dallas Roberts – Devon Debella"