"[addressing his penguin army] My dear penguins, we stand on a great threshold! It's okay to be scared; many of you won't be coming back. Thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish all God's children! First, second, third and fourth-born! Why be biased?! Male and female! Hell, the sexes are equal, with their erogenous zones BLOWN SKY-HIGH!!! FORWAAAARD MARCH!!! THE LIBERATION OF GOTHAM HAS BEGUN!!!!! [the penguins start deploying]"

"You gotta admit, I've played this stinkin' city like a harp from Hell!"

"[after Catwoman rejects him] Ya lousy minx! I oughta have you spayed! You sent out all the signals! And I don't think I like you anymore! [catches her neck in his helicopter umbrella and sends her flying] Goodbye, my unintended. Go to Heaven."

"Hey, why should I trust some cat-broad, anyway? Maybe you're just a screwed-up sorority chick who's gettin' back at her daddy for not buying her that pony when she turned sweet sixteen!"

"[to a crowd of voters] I may have saved the mayor's baby, but I refuse to save a mayor who stood by, helpless as a baby, while Gotham City was ravaged by a disease that turned eagle scouts into crazed clowns and happy homemakers into catwomen!"

"[about his parents] I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two."

"[to Shreck] I wasn't born in the sewer, you know. I come from... [indicates to a broken skylight, then turns to Max] Like you! And like you, I want some respect! A recognition of my basic humanity! But most of all...I wanna find out who I am. By finding my parents, learning my human name. Simple stuff that the good people of Gotham take for granted!"

"[to Shreck] Odd as it may seem, Max, you and I have something in common: we're both perceived as monsters. But somehow, you're a well-respected monster, and I am, to date, not!"

"[to Max Shreck, after kidnapping him] Hi. I believe the word you're looking for is "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Actually, this is all just a bad dream. You're at home in bed, heavily sedated, resting comfortably...dying from the carcinogens you personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony, or poetic justice? You tell me."

"Batman? Batman? Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in where a man dressed up as a bat gets all of my press?! This town needs an enema!"

"Edwin Craig - Antoine Rotelli"

"William Hootkins - Lt. Max Eckhardt"

"Lee Wallace - The Mayor"

"[reads newspaper] "Winged freak terrorizes". Wait till they get a load of ME!"

"Tracey Walter - Bob the Goon"

"Jerry Hall - Alicia Hunt"

"Jack Palance - Carl Grissom"

"Michael Gough - Alfred Pennyworth"

"Billy Dee Williams - Harvey Dent"

"Pat Hingle - Commissioner James Gordon"

"Robert Wuhl - Alexander Knox"

"Kim Basinger - Vicki Vale"

"Jack Nicholson - The Joker/Jack Napier"

"Michael Keaton - Batman/Bruce Wayne"

"Justice is always Darkest before the Dawn."

"Only one will claim the night."

"I really wanted desperately to obviously do Two-Face… I wanted to see what I could do with it. It would have been different from Tommy Lee's. I've got my own kind of madness."

"I'll always stand by the first Batman. Even for its imperfections, people will never know how hard that movie was to do. A lot of that still holds up."

"We're standing there at one point, I'm in my bat suit, Jack is in Joker get-up and I just looked at him and said, 'We're grown men, right?'tq5 125325"

"There was no guarantee that any of this was going to play correctly when it was all said and done. There had never been a movie like it before. There was a lot of risk, too, with Jack looking the way he did and me stepping out in this new way. The pressure was on everybody. You could feel it."

"[addressing Gothamites] And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? He's at home, washin' his tights! [he and the crowds laugh; looks up into the sky and sees the Batwing] Winged bat flies through the night and finds me ready. [to Bob the Goon] Bob, Mask. [to crowd in the street as the other goons prepare their own gas masks and he brings out a radio transmitter] And now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said, If you've gotta go, go with a smile!"

"[in TV ad] New and improved Joker products! With the new secret ingredient - Smylex! Now, let's go over to our blind taste test. Uh-oh. He don't look happy. He's been using Brand X! [extends X sound as a hiss] But with new and improved Joker brand...I get a grin, again and again! That luscious tan! Those ruby lips! And hair color so natural, only your undertaker knows for sure! I know what you're saying: 'Where can I get these fine new items?' Well, that's the gag. Chances are, you've bought 'em already! So remember, put on a happy face!"

"We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not-bickering."

"(creepy, ominous dude at tryouts) "I...am BALLERINA MAN!" ~Ballerina Man"

""WAFFLE MAAAAN! Yeah, I'm the Waffler! Golden Crispy! Bad guys are history! YEEEAAAH!" ~The Waffler"

""His name's Mr. Furious, and his power comes from his boundless rage." ~ Monica"

""You can't hurt me, Baby Bowler. 'Cause I'm protected by the god of hair care." ~ Tony P"

""Jeffrey, are you on the marijuana?" ~ Blue Raja's mother"

"[Bestowing precious cutlery to her son, having discovered his true identity] "These belonged to your great-great grandmother. I was saving them for your wedding day, but from the looks of it, that day... it's probably a long way off." ~ Blue Raja's mother"

""Dig this, Shovel Man!" ~ Tony C"

""Just... be... Roy. Okay?" ~ Monica"

""Flip the switch, lady. Don't stare at me, lift your left arm and flip it, you moron! You're a MORON! You're a MORON!" ~ Captain Amazing"

""This contraption is, in fact, a weapon of mass destruction. Casanova plans to turn it against the city at midnight." ~ Captain Amazing"

""Kill ya later — super-losers!" ~ Tony P"