Comedy Films

"Leonardo Nam — Roy"

"Tyra Ferrell — Desmond's mother"

"Chris Evans — Kyle"

"The S.A.T. is hard to take. It's even harder to steal."

"Bryan Greenberg — Matty"

"Desmond Rhodes. All-city. But his grades are shitty."

"I'm the ghost, man. I hear things, and I see things. But no one hears or sees me."

"Erika Christensen — Anna"

"Desmond's mother: You're a smart boy, Roy. But there's a lot of dumb dribbling out of your mouth right now."

"Scarlett Johansson — Francesca"

"David Landau - Jennings"

"Groucho Marx - Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff"

"Harpo Marx - Pinky"

"[impromptu radio announcement during the football match] Last week at this same hour I told you that Mrs. Moskowitz was expecting a blessed event. Well, last night Mrs. Moskowitz had twins. O-kay Mr Moskowitz! [blows siren whistle]"

"Serge Fedoroff - Nostrodamus"

"[singing] I don't know what they have to say. It makes no difference anyway. Whatever it is, I'm against it."

"[to Baravelli and Pinky, who have abandoned the football match in favor of playing cards] Do you realize what happens if we lose? It means shame! Disgrace! Humiliation! And besides, you're crazy if you don't play the ace!"

"[to Baravelli] You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it."

"Jean-Claude Dreyfus - Marquis Du Hickey"

"Martin Pepper - Martin"

"Yvan Chiffre - Tax Collector #1"

"[about Connie] I'm the plumber. I'm just hanging around in case something goes wrong with her pipes. [To the audience] That's the first time I've used that joke in 20 years."

"Dan Schwarz - Tax Collector #2"

"Robbi Chong - Princess III"

"Rae Dawn Chong - The Gypsy"

"Kay Dotrice - The Midwife"

"Rikki Marin - Princess II"

"Edie McClurg - The Queen"

"Zeppo Marx - Frank Wagstaff"

"Shelby Chong - Princess I"

"Jennie C. Kos - The Pregnant Mother"

"Thelma Todd - Connie Bailey"

"Don't be a stupid Fuckaire."

"Believe me, if you weren't a woman, I'd kiss you for that."

"Cheech Marin - Louis Corsican"

"Tommy Chong - Lucian Corsican"

"Fuckaire, the only thing I want to say is: you've kept me in a dungeon, and you've beaten me, and you've tortured me, and you even kissed me. And, I want these people to know that the only thing you've really done is make me really, really hungry."

"You ever had a taco? I guess they don't have tacos in France. I remember one time this restaurant I used to work... err... I mean, own. They had a contest to see who could eat the most. I ate 143, and I was still hungry, but they had to close the restaurant."

"Chico Marx - Baravelli"

"Last week at this same hour I told you Mrs. Moskowitz was expecting a blessed event. Well, last night Mrs.Moskowitz had twins. O-KAY! MISTER MOSKOWITZ!! [blows a "crazy whistle"]"

"Roy Dotrice - The Evil Fuckaire/Ye Old Jailer"

"Tommy Chong - Chong "Man""

"Hans Man in 't Veld - Promoter"

"Carol van Herwijnen - Hotel Manager"

"Cheech Marin - Cheech"

"[as Blind Melon Chitlin] I wanna sing a little tune I wrote one day while I was beatin' my old lady. It's called "GOING DOWNTOWN GONNA SEE MY GAL"."

"You can always smell the excitement in the air."

"Shireen Strooker - Assistant Manager"

"They'll have you ROLLING in your seats!"

"[singing, as a Jamaican dope dealer in TV movie] Dope! Do-o-o-o-pe! How come nobody don't want to buy no dope? Dope, I say dope I say do-o-o-o-o-pe. Who wants to buy dope?"