"[giving speech about the painting] Well, hello, I'm Dr. Bean, apparently. And my job is to sit and look at paintings. So, what have I learned that I can say about this painting? Well, firstly, it's quite big, which is excellent. Because if it was really small, you know, microscopic, then hardly anyone would be able to see it, which would be a tremendous shame. Secondly... And I'm getting quite near the end of this analysis of this painting. Secondly... Why was it worth this man, here, spending 50 million of your American dollars on this portrait? And the answer is... Well, this picture is worth such a lot of money, because... it's a picture of Whistler's mother. And as I've learned, by staying with my best friend, David Langley, and his family, families are very important. And even though Mr. Whistler was perfectly aware that his mother was a hideous old bat, who looked like she had a cactus lodged up her backside, he stuck with her... and even took the time to paint this amazing picture of her. It's not just a painting. It's a picture of a mad old cow who he thought the world of, and that's marvelous. Well, that's what I think anyway."

"Austin Butler as Jake Pearson"

"Ashley Tisdale as Bethany Pearson"

"[to the giant-sized Skip with a potato gun] Hey! Down here, you prehistoric space scum!"

"They are home, but they are not alone."

"They came from upstairs."

"Not so fast. I have a plan. Work with me here. Did Nana give anyone Mentos?"

"A potato gun? That's your big idea?"

"We gotta call 911."

"Well, whatever it is, we can't let 'em get to it. Everyone, gear up. We move on my command."

"The Aliens vs. The Pearsons."

"[to Tom] We're in the middle of a battle, and you wanna play science fair? No way. We're going back in now... before our parents end up as alien zombies."

"Carter Jenkins as Tom Pearson"

"I've given my life to art and from here on in, the only art I will get anywhere near are the pictures I draw on the pavement hoping passersby will throw nickels in my hat. I guess the long on the short of it: I wish I'd never been born."

"Let's go save the planet."

"[about Mr. Bean getting arrested twice] Tell him his is a butt I would dearly love to kick. And next time I will."

"I don't know the difference between Picasso and a car crash."

"In the city of dreams...a nightmare has been unleashed."

"Once in a generation, a motion picture comes along that touches both our hearts and our souls. This is not one of them."

"Satara Silver as Cosmetics Sales Clerk"

"Eric Stonestreet as Big Chuck"

"Ellie Kemper as Flo"

"Génesis Rodríguez as Marisol"

"Amanda Peet as Trish Patterson"

"T.I. as Julian"

"Morris Chestnut as Detective Reilly"

"Jon Favreau as Harold Cornish"

"John Cho as Daniel Casey"

"Melissa McCarthy as Diana / Dawn Budgie"

"Jonathan Banks as Paolo Gordon"

"Ben Falcone as Tommy"

"Robert Patrick as Skiptracer"

"Katharine Isabelle as Marla"

"Friends don't steal friends' identities, do they?"

"You looking for these? You're not gonna find them, stupid. See ya, Sandy!"