"Oh, we were like glory's gate, my darling. We were like that bloody shark of yours. We swam with the, um, uh — Oh, goddamn it. I had it on the plane. What was I gonna say? Ah, well."

"Bloody hell. God save that poor little stooge."

"Well, I was a little embarrassed at first. Obviously people are gonna think I'm a showboat and a little bit of a prick. But then I realized... that's me. I said those things. I did those things. I can live with that."

"Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me."

"Who the shit is Kingsley Zissou?"

"Where are you coming from, jack off? Shit."

"Is that one of mine? I think one of my research turtles survived."

"We've never made great husbands, have we? Of course, I have a good excuse. I'm part gay."

"They made soup out of my research turtles."

"[while playing poker with pirates] Steven. Are you rescuing me? [Steve shrugs awkwardly] Fold. [Alistair is shot by one of the pirates]"

"This is an adventure."

"We complete the adventure, but another member of our crew has been lost. This one was my son. Also our equity partner. We start the voyage home in our wounded vessel."

"[referring to the shark that ate his friend, Esteban] I wonder if it remembers me."

"This is the first time Eleanor's ever cried in front of me as long as I've known her. Except for once when she got her arm caught in the deck winch."

"Give me that camera. I'm gonna smash it over your head. Cut!"

"I'm sorry I never acknowledged your existence all those years. It won't happen again. I mean it. You are my son to me. Almost more so."

"I'm about to blow my stack. I turn my back, and the bullshit begins. Ned, you're a scumbag. And, Jane, you're a goddamn liar."

"Wolodarsky, go get the keys to that fishing boat, and throw them in the water. No, wait. They might have another set. Just blow it up."

"We'll give them the reality this time. A washed-up old man with no friends, no distribution deal, wife on the rocks, people laughin' at him, feelin' sorry for himself."

"What a shame. They had a bartender here, Kino, made the best rum cannonball I've ever tasted."

"Oh, shit! Swamp leeches. Everybody, check for swamp leeches, and pull them off... Nobody else got hit? I'm the only one? What's the deal?"

"It's probably the last adventure I've got in me. I was hopin' to go out in a flash of blazes, but I'll probably just end up goin' home."

"I mean, I know I want him to think of me like a father. But the fact that there's an outside chance that he could really be my actual... biological son... is very difficult for me."

"The first thing that goes through a captain's head when he hears there's low morale goin' around is: "What'd I do? Is it all my fault? "Well, he's probably right. Most of us have been together a long time. There are others that were here before that. Do you all not like me anymore? I mean, what am I supposed to do? I don't know. Look, if you're not against me... don't cross this line. If yes, do. I love you all."

"Go downstairs and throw a tarp over anything that says "Operation Henessey" on it."

"Those fucking amateurs. You left your dog, you idiots!"

"The Arctic Night-lights. Yeah. "As if the natural world's been turned upside down." Lord Mandrake. Vikram, get some cutaways of this miracle. Klaus, Ogata, put out the deck fires before we sink."

"I've never seen a bond company stooge stick his neck out like that."