"When they look back in the annals of history, people are gonna be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl."

"GODDAMN IT, VAKIDIS, LEARN FUCKIN' ENGLISH!"

"I'm so excited, I can't even...feel my arms!"

"EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!"

"(to Monix) I wish you were still a washing machine!"

"SUCK MY COCK, I'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY!"

"Heaven wants us to win this game! I'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!"

"EVERYBODY PANIC! IT'S JUST LIKE THE TITANIC, BUT IT'S FULL OF BEARS!"

"If you see a possum, try to kill it. It's not a pet."

"SOMEBODY HIT SOMEBODY!"

"Get the funk outta my face. Get. The. Funk. Outta My Face."

"You...motherfucking cocksuckers!"

"Cornelius Banks: Ohhhh, I did get shot!"

"Dick Pepperfield: Jackie's teammates doing just an awful job of stabilizing his spine as they carry him off the court."

"Alan the Commissioner: No, no, Jackie, don't bite yourself!"

"Dick Pepperfield: Here comes the Alley...and there goes the Oop!"

"Clarence Coffee Black: Who the fuck is Bambi?"

"The Greatest Fro on Earth."

"Putting the funk into the dunk."

"Will Ferrell – Jackie Moon"

"André Benjamin – Clarence Withers / Coffee Black / Downtown "Funky Stuff" Malone"

"Woody Harrelson – Ed Monix"

"Andrew Daly - Dick Pepperfield"

"Will Arnett - Lou Redwood"

"Matt Walsh – Father Pat"

"Andy Richter – Bobby Dee"

"Jay Phillips – Scootsie Double Day"

"Josh Braaten – Twiggy Munson"

"Peter Cornell – Vakidis"

"DeRay Davis – Bee Bee Ellis"

"David Koechner – Alan Ault"

"Maura Tierney – Lynn"

"Rob Corddry – Kyle"

"Jackie Earle Haley - Dukes"

"Jason Sudeikis - Danny"

"Tim Meadows - Cornelius Banks"

"Kristen Wiig - Bear Trainer Girl"

"Ed Helms - Turtleneck reporter"

"Brian Huskey - White Pants reporter"

"Collette Wolfe - Melinda"

"Ian Roberts - Spurs Coach"

"Phil Hendrie - Nets Coach"

"Pat Kilbane - Petrelli"

"Patti LaBelle - Jackie's Mom"

"Ellia English - Ms. Quincy"

"Artis Gilmore - Restaurant customer #1"

"George Gervin - Restaurant customer #2"

"A. Delon Ellis Jr. - Miles Pennfield II"