"Consult your doctor before using this product. Side effects may include oily discharge, hives, loss of appetite, low blood pressure. If you have diabetes or a history of kidney trouble, you're dead, asshole!"

"You don't understand my plight."

"[Describing her passion for wine] I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing; how the sun was shining; if it rained. I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve, like if I opened a bottle of wine today it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day, because a bottle of wine is actually alive. And it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks, like your '61. And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline."

"To open a bottle of 61 cheval blanc is enough reason to open a bottle of 61 cheval blanc."

"I feel like a thumbprint on the skyscraper of life."

"[Describing his passion for Pinot Noir] It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet.""

"It tastes like the back of a fucking L.A. school bus. Now they probably didn't de-stem, hoping for some semblance of concentration, crushed it up with leaves and mice, and then wound up with this rancid tar and turpentine bullshit."

"If anyone orders Merlot I am leaving. I am not drinking fucking Merlot!"

"Emily Rutherfurd - Cindy Hasboro"

"Shane Lyons - Charlie Bill"

"Ted Manson - Sad Joe"

"Tim Devitt - Mitch Baylor"

"Alice Marie Crowe - Aunt Lena"

"Dan Biggers - Uncle Roy"

"Paula Deen - Aunt Dora"

"Jim Fitzpatrick - Rusty"

"Jed Rees - Chuck Hasboro"

"Gailard Sartain - Charles Dean"

"Loudon Wainwright III - Uncle Dale"

"Paul Schneider - Jesse Baylor"

"Jessica Biel - Ellen Kishmore"

"Judy Greer - Heather Baylor"

"Bruce McGill - Bill Banyon"

"Alec Baldwin - Phil DeVoss"

"Susan Sarandon - Hollie Baylor"

"Kirsten Dunst - Claire Colburn"

"Orlando Bloom - Drew Baylor"

"Jessie Baylor: I teach my kids about the things that really matter. I will teach them about Abraham Lincoln and Ronnie Van Zandt, because they are equally important in my house."

"Hollie Baylor: We were complete opposites and it worked. And something happened between us that was not part of the plan... we were in love."

"You know, there is nothing greater than deciding in your life that things maybe really are black and white! And this guy Ben, who clearly takes you for granted, who serially takes advantage of you, is bad! And what I'm saying is good! See what I mean? You shouldn't be the substitute for anybody. This guy should be right here, right now, doing this. [kisses Claire]"

"Because we have a moment here, let me tell you that I have recently become a secret connoisseur of 'last looks'. You know the way people look at you when they believe it's for the last time? I've started collecting these looks. There's one right now."

"No true fiasco ever began as a quest for mere adequacy. A motto of the British Special Air Force is: 'Those who risk, win.' A single green vine shoot is able to grow through cement. The Pacific Northwestern salmon beats itself bloody on it's quest to travel hundreds of miles upstream against the current, with a single purpose, sex of course, but also... life."

"As somebody once said, there's a difference between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is simply the non-present of success. Any fool can accomplish failure. But a fiasco, a fiasco is a disaster of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others, that makes other people feel more... alive. Because it didn't happen to them."

"You have five minutes to wallow in the delicious misery. Enjoy it, embrace it, discard ...and proceed."

"I'm completely cool with anything you want to say or not say."

"I'm wearing these clothes. I mean... Have you ever had unlucky clothes? This dress that you like? Good things have not happened to me in this dress. But I saw it tonight and I said: "I'm gonna give you one more chance." And I refuse to be let down by this dress again."

"Life cannot be so cruel that we don't deserve to be together... to eat."

"And so we all became helpers, which I so can't help. I can't help helping."