"Okay, everybody, shut up! I'd like you to meet my new girl, whose name is... Jersey! Jersey, is an ex kindergarten teacher, and a former nun, who just escaped from the convent, and is tired of being the only virgin in New York City! Would anyone like to buy her a drink?"

"Hey, do I come to your office and honk?"

"No, it's not okay. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. You're not going back to work for Pete. I don't care what it takes. I don't care how many bars you have to stand on. You are not coming home. I'm not letting you back in the house. Forget it."

"Violet, I saw how hard it was on your mom when she didn't make it, but if she was here she'd tell me to shut up, wish you luck and give you a big hug. I'm not going to give you a big hug and I'm not going to wish you luck, but I am going to shut up, sit here with my coffee and pretend to be mad. Is that okay?"

"I'm not lost. Somebody just moved my street."

"Julia Roberts - Anna Scott"

"Alec Baldwin - Jeff King"

"Hugh Bonneville - Bernie"

"Emma Chambers - Honey"

"Mischa Barton - 12-year-old Actress"

"Gina McKee - Bella"

"Tim McInnerny - Max"

"James Dreyfus - Martin"

"Rhys Ifans - Spike"

"Richard McCabe - Tony"

"Hugh Grant - William Thacker"

"Joan Cusack - Constance Dobler"

"Philip Baker Hall - IRS Boss"

"Eric Stoltz - Vahlere"

"Jeremy Piven - Mark"

"Bebe Neuwirth - Mrs. Evans"

"Polly Platt - Mrs. Flood"

"Lili Taylor - Corey Flood"

"John Mahoney - Jim Court"

"Ione Skye - Diane Court"

"John Cusack - Lloyd Dobler"

"A Lloyd meets girl story"

"To know Lloyd Dobler is to love him. Diane Court is about to know Lloyd Dobler."

"She's got every thing going for her. He's going for her with every thing he's got."

"What I really want to do with my life - what I want to do for a living - is I want to be with your daughter. I'm good at it."

"[leaving a message for Diane] Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I'm been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later."

"She broke up with me. What do I do? Can she come back? How can I get her back? I can't - I can't get her to talk to me. It's all so fucked up. I feel like crying. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen."

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

"I am looking for a "dare to be great" situation."

"[after being pulled over] Maybe I can sedyyyyyuce my way out of a ticket...oh shit, it is a white man! OK, Juwanna, you can still pull this off."

"[while being interviewed] In my country, penis okay; My mother have penis, and my sister."

"The only reason why I stayed with your lyin', cheatin' ass is because you were rich and famous."

"Do you see that banner up there? It says the "Charlotte Banshees", not the "Charlotte Juwannas"!"

"[after seeing Jamal in the team mascot's costume] A third career.....Where do u find the time?"

"Norman Fell — Mr. McCleery"

"Brian Avery — Carl Smith"

"Walter Brooke — Mr. McGuire"

"Buck Henry — Room clerk"

"Elizabeth Wilson — Mrs. Braddock"

"Murray Hamilton — Mr. Robinson"

"William Daniels — Mr. Braddock"

"Katharine Ross — Elaine Robinson"

"Anne Bancroft — Mrs. Robinson"

"Dustin Hoffman — Benjamin Braddock"