"Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen."

"Kevin Pollak - Frank Swan"

"Iman - Cynthia"

"Patrick Stewart - Mr. Perdue"

"Sam McMurray - Morris Frost"

"Susan Forristal - Ariel"

"Sarah Jessica Parker - SanDeE"

"Marilu Henner - Trudi"

"Richard E. Grant - Roland Mackey"

"Victoria Tennant - Sara McDowel"

"Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher"

"Maitre D: You think with a financial statement like this you can have the duck?"

"Forget for this moment the smog and the cars and the restaurant and the skating and remember only this. A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true."

"[calling the restaurant] Hello, L'Idiot? Yes, I'd like to make reservations for two for Friday. Saturday? Sunday? Ah good. Eight-thirty. Five-thirty or ten-thirty? Um, five-thirty. Visa... I'm a weatherman... yes, I'm on TV! Renting... I just sold a condo... yes, in this "soft market"... well, I don't see how that's any of your... the low fifties."

"I've been thinking about myself and I think I can become the kind of person that's worth you staying for. First of all, I'm a man who can cry. Now it's true, it's usually when I've hurt myself, but it's a start."

"I could never be a woman, 'cause I'd just stay home and play with my breasts all day."

"Sitting there at that moment I thought of something else Shakespeare said. He said, "Hey... life is pretty stupid; with lots of hubbub to keep you busy, but really not amounting to much." Of course I'm paraphrasing: "Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.""

"Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?"

"[Admiring a painting] I like the relationships. I mean, each character has his own story. The puppy is a bit too much, but you have to over look things like that in these kinds of paintings. The way he's holding her... it's almost... filthy. I mean, he's about to kiss her and she's pulling away. The way the leg's sort of smashed up against her... Phew... Look how he's painted the blouse sort of translucent. You can just make out her breasts underneath and it's sort of touching him about here. It's really... pretty torrid, don't you think? Then of course you have the onlookers peeking at them from behind the doorway like they're all shocked. They wish. Yeah, I must admit, when I see a painting like this, I get emotionally... erect. [[the painting is revealed to be of a red rectangle]"

"Let us just say I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time."

"Marion Cotillard - Fanny Chenal"

"Giannina Facio - Maitre D'"

"Daniel Mays - Bert, the doorman"

"Kenneth Cranham - Sir Nigel"

"Archie Panjabi - Gemma"

"Richard Coyle - Amis"

"Rafe Spall - Kenny"

"Tom Hollander - Charlie Willis"

"Freddie Highmore - Young Max Skinner"

"Isabelle Candelier - Ludivine Duflot"

"Didier Bourdon - Francis Duflot"

"Abbie Cornish - Christie Roberts"

"MacDonalds is in Avignon, fish and chips in Marseille. Allez."

"Kenny, I want the 10 year yield, I want the figures for the Andserson account and I want you to get your scrawny little backside out of my chair. Thank you."

"I'll give you a tip Bert. Never pat a burning dog."

"Real men don't play bridge."

"'Fraid so - be in touch."

"The only thing right about your intelligence is that its all wrong. But you were always at the back of the Conga line."

"Admit it, Love, this is because I wouldn't shag you at the Christmas Party, isn't it?"

"Oh Henry, Bloody Hell."

"Boss, why do you keep calling me 'ALF?' Because, as you're an aggressive little f*ck. As your boss and genetic superior, I can call you anything I want."

"Pardon my lips. They find joy in the most unusual places."

"Well done. Proves the adage that wisdom can be found in the most unlikely places."