I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

"Barry Cryer: "The Sport: Elvis Seen In Pudding Lane""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Mirror: Thames Water Chief Justifies Bonus At Last""

"Barry Cryer: "The Lancet: Plague Cure A Success""

"Stephen Fry: "Insurance Weekly: Oh Bugger""

"Graeme Garden: "The People: Phew! What A Scorcher!""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Financial Times: Capital Goes Up""

"Graeme Garden: "And on page 8 of the Guardian, yesterday's headline "Paula, to be reconstructed by Christopher Wren", should have read "St Pauls, to be reconstructed by Christ knows when"""

"Stephen Fry: "The Guardian: London's Burning - Police Suspect Arse""

"Barry Cryer: "Yorkshire Evening Post: Leeds Man Singed""

"Stephen Fry: "The Scotsman: Tee hee hee""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Daily Telegraph: French Farmer's Protest Reaches London""

"Graeme Garden: "Daily Telegraph: Police chief says 'He was a accident waiting to happen'""

"Barry Cryer: "The Guardian: In yesterday's report, Delilah's statement should have read 'I love cutting men's locks off'...not 'socks'""

"Graeme Garden: "The Guardian: Yesterday's feature headed 'Delias Hints on Kippers' should have read 'Delilahs Hints on Clippers'""

"Willie Rushton: "New Musical Express: Oh, Oh, Oh, Delilah!""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Times: Samson Obituary, 2 Columns, Page 8""

"Graeme Garden: "Tailor & Cutter: Sketchleys opens new branch in Rome""

"Graeme Garden: "Daily Star: Yon Cassius has a Lean & Hungry Look...is it Bulimia?""

"Barry Cryer: "Rome Standard: Omnia Caesar in Tres Partes Divisa Est""

"Willie Rushton: "Daily Telegraph: New Caesar, New Danger""

"Barry Cryer: "The Guardian: Yesterday's headline should have read 'Caesar Slayed' not 'Caesar Salad'""

"Graeme Garden: "Lancashire Evening Post: Mark Antony Comes to Bury""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Sunday Sport: Brutus Ate Two Hamsters!""

"Willie Rushton: "Daily Mirror: Julius Caesar is Ides Victim""

"Barry Cryer: "The Sun: Brutus Splashed it All Over""

"Graeme Garden: "London Evening Standard: Tube Strike Off""

"Graeme Garden: "Woman's Own: Delia's recipe for Duncan Doughnuts""

"Willie Rushton: "Glasgow Herald: Pioneering test-tube baby kills King""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Scotsman: Och! Eye of Newt!""

"Graeme Garden: "The Sun: Phew! What a Scotsman!""

"Willie Rushton: "The Guardian: Borehamwood seen approaching Dungeness""

"Barry Cryer: "Gay News: Macbeth Outed - Admits laying on MacDuff""

"Graeme Garden: "The Telegraph: Danish Bloodbath - No Britons Hurt""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Sun tells the Prince: Just Be!""

"Graeme Garden: "The Guardian: Yesterday's headline 'Laughter at Elsinore' should have read 'Slaughter at Erinsbrough'""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Daily Express: Reprint of Ophelia's Panorama interview in full, where she says a surfeit of lampreys was just a cry for help""

"Graeme Garden: "The Stage: Touring players unexpectedly available for panto""

"Willie Rushton: "The Times: Blair says whittling-down of royal family a success""

"Barry Cryer: "Dog Breeder's Gazette: Great Dane puts self down!""

"Graeme Garden: "News of the World: Spot The Apple and Win A Skoda""

"Willie Rushton: "Irish Times: Genesis Good For You""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Times: Nothing Happened Yesterday""

"Graeme Garden: "Daily Mail: Snake Problem At Theme Park - Last Two Visitors Forced To Leave""

"Barry Cryer: "Daily Star: "I'm Over The Moon", Says God""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Lancet: BMA Warn Rib Transplants Can Cause Lumps On Chest""

"Graeme Garden: "The Telegraph: Universe Manufacturer Goes Out Of Business After 6 Days""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: Spiritualist's Weekly: Now There'll Be Fireworks!""

"Graeme Garden: "Exchange & Mart: Will Swap 8 Barrels Of Gunpowder For 1 Asbestos Suit""

"Willie Rushton: "The Sun: Freddie Starr Ate My Banger""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "The Star: Guy Fawkes It Up""