"[to the bartender] The next thing I know, she's sitting right there next to me. Well, it's not right to go into details. I got nervous. I screwed up. I said the wrong thing. Where if I hadn't, I... I could be in bed right now with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you got a life. Instead, I'm here with you. No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug."

"[introducing Carol Connelly and Simon Bishop to each other] Carol, the waitress, Simon, the fag."

"[about Carol Connelly's promise to never sleep with him] "Never," she says. "Never," she says."

"[to Simon Bishop] Quit worrying. You'll be back on your knees in no time."

"[to Simon Bishop] Nelly, you're a disgrace to depression."

"[to Brian] I'll be quiet. Just let me stay here. No problem. Go get Carol. Get her here. I'm not a - a prick. You are. I'm not judging. I'm a great customer. This day has been a disaster. I'm not sure if I can handle this, too."

"[to patients in Dr. Green's waiting room] What if this is as good as it gets?"

"Worst sidewalk in New York. Look where they put it."

"[to Verdell, affectionately] Yes, I hate the doggy! Yes, I hate the doggy!"

"[to Verdell] I think it's a beautiful day for our walk today. Very nice. [Verdell is avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk, just like Melvin does. Melvin slows and observes the dog mirroring his behavior. Verdell carefully places his paws again to avoid a crack in the sidewalk.] What? Huh? [to Verdell] Hey! Hey! [He laughs out loud.] Look at that! Look at him! [He puts on plastic gloves.] I've gotta give you something. I gotta give you something real good, too. Now, I'm gonna show it to you. Come on, buddy. [He lifts Verdell to eye level.] Don't be like me, don't you be like me. You stay just the way you are 'cause you are a perfect man, and I'm gonna take you home and get you something to eat."

"[to Simon Bishop] Well, I work all the time. So never, NEVER interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire. Not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home, and one week later, there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body, and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're gonna faint - even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudge-packer that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States, and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?"

"[trying to write] "Love was..." [Simon Bishop knocks on his door] Son of a BITCH! Pansy-ass stool pusher!"

"[to Simon Bishop] As long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a rat-crap when or where you shove your show. Are we done being neighbors for now?"

"[to Verdell, as he throws him down the garbage chute] This is New York. If you make it here, you can make it anywhere."

"Leung Siu-Lung - The Beast"

"Chiu Chi Ling - Tailor"

"Dong Zhi Hua - Donut"

"Xing Yu - Coolie"

"Wah Yuen - Landlord"

"Qiu Yuen - Landlady"

"Chi Chung Lam - Bone"

"Stephen Chow - Sing"

"From Walking Disaster To Kung Fu Master."

"So Many Gangsters... So Little Time."

"A New Comedy Unlike Anything You Have Seen Before."

"This doesn't make any sense at all."

"It's just a title.(Referring to the name The Beast)"

"Don't get me wrong! I only want to kill you, or be killed by you."

"In the world of kung fu, speed defines the winner."

"You may know kung fu... but you're still a fairy."

"[To tailor] What's with the red underwear?"

"How come you became righteous? Have you anything to say? [Sing draws a stick of candy on the ground with his blood] I can't read it, it's not in Chinese!"

"[Shouting while puncturing football] No more soccer!"

"[To ice cream vendor] What're you looking at? Never seen an ice cream thief before? [Runs away without paying, laughing maniacally]"

"Kai Man Tin - Axe Gang Advisor"

"Kwok Kuen Chan - Brother Sum"

"Julie Andrews as Queen Clarisse Renaldi"

"Anne Hathaway as Mia Thermopolis"

"She needs the rock to rule."

"The throne is all hers... but there's a little hitch."

"It can take a lifetime to find true love; she's got 30 days!"

"You are cordially invited to the royal event of the season. R.S.V.P. This Summer"

"I decline. I refuse to be king. Ladies and gentleman, it is Princess Mia, who should rule. She is bright and she is caring, but more importantly she has a vision. One that will take Genovia forward and if the Parliament were astute, they would name her queen. Listen to her, she'll take us into the 21st century. Besides, just think how lovely she'll look on our postage stamp."

"[to Mia] I think it's time I bowed out gracefully, don't you?"

"It wouldn't be nothing. Genovia would be in good hands, and, she would be happy."

"Maybe, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she ran the country."

"I'm a girl who loves black and is wearing pink."

"I'd like to tell her what she can do with her eggs."

"[to Rhonda, biting her freshly manicured nail] I'm a very appealing person."

"I'll cover for you. Go, Rapunzel, go!"