"[Upon observing the cheerleaders and football players] Man, there is some talent here. You get those girls together with those assbags right there and shoot 'em humping at, like, a football game or at a prom, that video would sell - Fuck, I'm good! How do I get these ideas? It's like a gift, you know? It's like I can't control it."

"You wanna be president? Lemme tell you the first rule of politics; Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze. You know what that means? It means you don't steal my girl unless you're ready to accept the consequences."

"[When some high school girls like the idea that Kelly has weed] Hey, you know who's got the killer bud? [hits Klitz] This fucker right here. [Kelly gives Klitz a Ziplock bag filled with Marijuana and suddenly the girls are interested in him]"

"I just gotta fuck something."

"God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!"

"Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! FUCK HER FOR ME! FOR ME!"

"Hi, I'm all wet. Can I come in?"

"Just go with it."

"[repeated line] What's the craziest thing you've done lately?"

"Matthew Kidman. I will always remember... The three legs of the tripod. My business partner. My student advisor. The next Einstein. Eli's calling card. Klitz's big debut. My own scholarship to Georgetown. And of course, I'll never forget the girl next door. As for me, I'm just going with it."

"Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically [mumbling] being a fucking boy scout. But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your future, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about."

"[after Kelly gives him ectasy] Oh my God, am I gonna die?!?"

"[while giving Danielle a crumpled paper] I just want you to know that I know who you really are, and you're better than this. [Danielle uncrumples the paper and it is the drawing she made of the girl with lipstick at the table with Matthew]"

"Stephanie March - Julie (Associate #1)"

"Benton Jennings - Maitre'D"

"Michelle Monaghan - Gwen"

"Rachael Huntley - Suzy Coleman"

"Chris Weitz - Martin Coleman"

"Keith David - Father"

"Adam Brody - Benjamin "The Tank" Danz"

"Kerry Washington - Jasmine"

"Vince Vaughn - Eddie"

"Angelina Jolie - Jane Smith"

"Brad Pitt - John Smith"

"Eddie: I live with my mom because I choose to. She's the only woman I've ever trusted."

"Jane Smith: Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet."

"Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You don't talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details a bit but the punch line is you die."

"We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being."

"I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning."

"Robert Klein — Phillip"

"Thomas Lennon — Thayer"

"Adam Goldberg - Tony"