"[typing, about Chris] Although I haven't seen him in more than ten years I know I'll miss him forever. I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anybody?"

"[voiceover] As time went on we saw less and less of Teddy and Vern until eventually they became just two more faces in the halls. That happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant."

"Dustin Hoffman — Benjamin Braddock"

"Eddra Gale — Woman on bus"

"Alice Ghostley — Mrs. Singleman"

"Marion Lorne — Miss DeWitte"

"Norman Fell — Mr. McCleery"

"Brian Avery — Carl Smith"

"Walter Brooke — Mr. McGuire"

"Buck Henry — Room clerk"

"Elizabeth Wilson — Mrs. Braddock"

"Murray Hamilton — Mr. Robinson"

"William Daniels — Mr. Braddock"

"Katharine Ross — Elaine Robinson"

"Anne Bancroft — Mrs. Robinson"

"All right, now listen to this. I don't know whether I can prosecute, but I think I can. I think I can get you behind bars if you ever look at my daughter again. Now, I've seen Elaine, and I've made damn sure you can't get to her. Stay away from me, Ben! I don't want to mince words with you. As far as Elaine is concerned, you're to get her out of your filthy mind right now! Is that perfectly clear to you? And that's all, Ben. You'll pardon me if I don't shake hands with you. I think you are filth. I think you are scum. You are a degenerate!"

"I wish I was that age again because Ben...you'll never be young again...Ben, can I say something to you?...uh, how long have we known each other now? How long have you and I known each other? How long have your dad and I been partners?...I watched you grow up, Ben...In many ways, I feel as though you were my own son...So I hope you won't mind my giving you a friendly piece of advice...I think you ought to be taking it a little easier right now than you seem to be...Sow a few wild oats, take things as they come, have a good time with the girls and so forth...You have yourself a few flings this summer. I'll bet you're, you're quite a ladies man...You look to me like the kind of guy who has to fight 'em off. [To Mrs. Robinson, who enters] Now doesn't he look to you like the kind of guy who has to fight 'em off?"

"I've had this feeling ever since I graduated. This kind of compulsion that I have to be rude all the time...It's like I was playing some kind of game, but the rules don't make any sense to me. They're being made up by all the wrong people. I mean no one makes them up. They seem to make themselves up."

"Christopher McDonald — Shooter McGavin"

"Ben Stiller (uncredited) — Hal L."

"Verne Lundquist — Himself"

"Dennis Dugan — Doug"

"He doesn't play golf... he destroys it."

"Lee Trevino — Himself"

"Joe Flaherty — Donald"

"Richard Kiel — Mr. Larson"

"Bob Barker — Himself"

"Allen Covert — Otto"

"Carl Weathers — Derick "Chubbs" Peterson"

"Adam Sandler — Happy Gilmore"

"Frances Bay — Grandma"

"Julie Bowen — Virginia Venit"

"Cupcake: Now I know what you're thinking. "What could be stranger than a big fatass floatin' cupcake?" Heh. How about one that spits tobacco?"

"Russ Tamblyn — Chocki"

"Ann Magnuson — Calli"

"Jim Cummings — Cupcake (voice)"

"Edward Flotard — Limo Driver"

"Bob Elliott — William Mayweather"

"David H. Sterry — Lance"

"Alex Nevil — Thomas"

"I.M. Hobson — Headmaster Timmons"

"Melora Walters — Trina"

"Brion James — Big Teddy"

"David Letterman — Old salt in fishing village"

"Brian Doyle-Murray — Skunk"

"Ricki Lake — Figurehead"

"James Gammon — Paps"

"Ritch Brinkley — Captain Greybar"

"Chris Elliott — Nathanial Mayweather"

"He's sailing high on the high seas, without a rudder, a compass, or a clue."