"My dear Aknot, what about those two little planes you borrowed? [sees Aknot's human face] Aknot, is that you? What an ugly face. It doesn't suit you. Take it off. [Aknot's face transforms into a Mangalore's] Much better. Never be ashamed of who you are. You're warriors, be proud. So what if the Federal Government scattered your people into the wind? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Your time for revenge is at hand. Voila! The ZF-1. [activates a ZF-1 and holds it] It's light; handle's adjustable for easy carrying; good for righties and lefties; breaks down into four parts; undetectable by X-ray; ideal for quick discreet interventions. A word on firepower. Titanium recharger; 3000-round clip with bursts of 3 to 300. And with the replay button, another Zorg invention, it's even easier. [lights reveal a mannequin in police gear] One shot... [shoots mannequin]...and replay sends every following shot to the same location. [turns around, shooting in the direction of the Mangalores; bullets curve their trajectory and hit the mannequin instead] And to finish the job, all the Zorg oldies-but-goldies. [fires every weapon at the mannequin as he mentions them] Rocket launcher... arrow launcher, with exploding or poisonous gas heads, very practical... our famous net launcher... the always-efficient flamethrower, my favorite... [winks to the Mangalores] and for the grand finale, the all-new 'Ice-cube System'! [fires a cloud of liquid nitrogen which freezes the remains of the mannequin. Mangalores applaud politely by carnage and were very impressed]"

"Fred Willard - Ron Albertson"

"Bob Balaban - Lloyd Miller"

"Eugene Levy - Dr. Allan Pearl"

"David Cross - UFO Expert"

"Parker Posey - Libby Mae Brown"

"Catherine O'Hara - Sheila Albertson"

"Don Lake - Phil Burgess - Blaine Historian"

"Larry Miller - Glenn Welsch - Mayor"

"Scott Williamson - Tucker Livingston - Councilman"

"Michael Hitchcock - Steve Stark - Councilman"

"Deborah Theaker - Gwen Fabin-Blunt - Councilwoman"

"Christopher Guest - Corky St. Clair"

"A New Comedy from the lead guitarist of 'Spinal Tap'"

"There's A Good Reason Some Talent Remains Undiscovered."

"Steve Stark, Councilman: He can act and he can sing and he can dance. There's only one other person in the world who can do all that, and that's Barbra Streisand."

"Mayor Glenn Welsch: There's a saying in Missouri, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes."

"Mrs. Pearl: We don't associate with the creative types. We have a Scrabble club. We associate with people with babies."

"Ron Albertson: If there's an empty space, just fill it with a line, that's what I like to do. Even if it's from another show."

"UFO Expert: I've been coming to this circle for about five years, and measuring it. The diameter and the circumference are constantly changing, but the radius stays the same. Which brings me to the number 5. There are five letters in the word Blaine. Now, if you mix up the letters in the word Blaine, mix 'em around, eventually, you'll come up with Nebali. Nebali. The name of a planet in a galaxy way, way, way... way far away. And another thing. Once you go into that circle, the weather never changes. It is always 67 degrees with a 40% chance of rain."

"Dr. Allan Pearl: People say, You must have been the class clown. And I say, No, I wasn't. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him."

"My aunt brought out her atlas that I look at a lot—this big, blue book, 'n' opened up to New York, 'n' it's an island, is really what it is. It's this island full of people of different colors 'n' different ideas, 'n' I can't—it sounds like a lot of fun to me. Y'know we don't see much of that in Blaine. I'd like t' maybe meet some guys—some Italian guys, 'r y'know—watch TV, 'n' stuff."

"I been workin' here at the DQ for about, um, eight months...seven? I dunno, something like that. It's fun. Y'just do the cones, make sundaes, make Blizzards, 'n' put stuff on 'em, 'n'... See a lot of people come in; a lot of people come to the DQ—burgers, ice cream. Anything, y'know? Cokes. Just drive in and get a Coke, 'f yer thirsty."

"What the city council did was really... give me a challenge, and it's a challenge that I am going to accept. It's like in the olden days, in the days of France, when men would slap each other with their gloves say, y'know..."D'Artagnan!"... y'know, "how dare you talk to me like that, you!," and smack 'em."

"I think that the elements, as Dr. Watson said to Sherlock, "are coming together, sir." I was shopping for my wife, Bonnie (I buy most of her clothes). And Mrs. Pearl was in the same shop, and it just was an accident. Y'know, we started talking... about pantyhose. She was saying—w-whatever, that's not the point of the story, but what the point is was that through this accidental meeting—it's like, y'know, it's like a Hitchcock movie, where, you know, you're thrown into a rubber bag and put in the trunk of a car. You find people; you find them. Something... It—is it karma? Maybe. But we found him; that's the important thing—and I got Bonnie a wonderful pantsuit."

"Me, you know, right out of the navy, you know, fresh off a destroyer, with a dance belt and a tube of chapstick, basically, you know, not really much to call my own, and then basically being slammed down for ten or so years off off off off Broadway, and then, enough is enough, OK, I get the joke."

"So what I'm understanding here - correct me, if I'm wrong - is that you're not givin' me any money. So now I'm left basically with nothin'. I'm left with zero, in which, in which, what can I do with zero, you know? What can I - I can't do anythin with it! I need to, this is my life here we're talking about! We're not just talkin' about, you know, somethin' else. We're talking about my life, you know? And it's forcing me to do somethin' I don't wanna do. To leave. To, to go out and just leave and go home and say, make a clean cut here and say: 'No way, Corky, you're not puttin' up with these people!' And I'll tell you why I can't put up with you people - because you're bastard people! That's what you are! You're just bastard people! And I'm goin' home and I'm gonna, I'm gonna bite my pillow, is what I'm gonna do!"