"Oh, yes! Finally, a roommate who goes shopping. Chicken cutlet, spaghetti with garlic bread, oh my God, the wings to go with the breast. I don't know what you are but I'm gonna fucking eat you, too."

"Yeah, it was my roommates, they're crazy. They tied me up. I was like one of those little calfs at the rodeo, all helpless, and you know, right when I was about to call the police, I came...and that felt nice."

"There was this fire...and I was trying to save it from this baby..."

"Don't slit your wrists, Kane. I'm here."

"Yeah, I know...west west, yo."

"I didn't wanna disturb you. You were balls deep in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth."

"[to J.P. after exiting Samantha's office] You're fuckin' weird, man."

"Don't judge me, monkey!"

"Dude, you do know that lions eat deer, right?"

"You can't get stoned and be an accountant, you make too many mistakes, you lose people millions of dollars, you get fired."

"At least I have a bush!"

"Dude, your bed's a car."

"My grandma drank all my pot."

"Hey JP, that's a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in the Matrix?"

"Jonny...? Who the fuck is Jonny?"

"Oh! Oh! Oh my God! I'm sorry, I can't stop cumming, I'm sorry! Oh-ho-ho, it feels so good!"

"[to children sitting at wedding reception table] So, you can't kill the demon at the end of level six? Do you have the magic arrows? Easy, here's what you do. Hide behind the boulder. When the demon comes out of the cave, shoot him three times with the magic arrows. Then his head will start to spin. Once that happens, you jump up on the boulder, you do a flying downward thrust with the sword of doom, and that's it - level six is done."

"All we need is a voluntary, free-spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction. Everybody just gotta keep fuckin' everybody 'til they're all the same color."

"Raymond Burr - Judge D.C. Simonton"

"William Shatner - Murdock"

"Chuck Connors - The Sarge"

"Peter Graves - Captain Clarence Oveur"

"Chad Everett - Simon Kurtz"

"Lloyd Bridges - Steven McCroskey"

"Julie Hagerty - Elaine Dickinson"

"Robert Hays - Ted Striker"

"Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the departure lounge!"

"For the ride of your life... All you need for Christmas are your two front seats!"

"[to Elaine] We're not in the past or the present anymore, Elaine. This... is the FUTURE."

"By the close of the twentieth century, construction of colonies on the lunar surface had begun and with this colonization came a new era in space travel. As our story opens, Mayflower 1, the first passenger shuttle to the moon, prepares for its maiden voyage--a voyage filled with hope, yet destined for disaster. Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, Princess Amoura lay back in her bed as the handsome young knight entered the room. The princess slipped off her robe, revealing her silky white thighs. The knight embraced her roughly, and began to caress her soft, round…"

"let me hear that dirty word Socialism."

"Have a drink, Murphy. Live your life."

"Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment"