"[dictating his report In view of my failure — correction, comparative failure — I feel that I have no alternative but to offer you, sir, my resignation, in the sincere hope that you will not accept it. Full stop."

"Henry Edwards — Mr. Purdy"

"Moore Marriott — Joseph Higgins"

"Megs Jenkins — Nurse Woods"

"Judy Campbell — Sister Marion Bates"

"Leo Genn — Mr. Eden"

"Alastair Sim — Inspector Cockrill"

"Rosamund John — Nurse Esther Sanson"

"Trevor Howard — Dr. Barney Barnes"

"Frank Ling — rescue worker"

"I like operations. They give you a sense of outlook, don't they?"

"[Watching a belly dancer] Doesn't the blood rush to your stomach?"

"Ew, I'm all sticky! You're all red."

"My skin's soaked right through to the skin!"

"Now see what you've done with your filthy Eastern ways!"

"[Watching a man standing on his head] Doesn't the blood rush to your head, sir?"

"Scientist! You've failed Scientist!"

"Jeweller, you've failed!"

"Doesn't the Eastern flavour come rather expensive?"

"[After seeing a smoking curling stone] Hey, it's a thingy! A fiendish thingy!"

"[on the phone] Hello, this is the famous Ringo."

"(regarding a broken ladder) All the rungs have been neatly sawed in the middle!"

"They have to paint me red before they chop me. It's a different religion than ours...I think."

"Get sacrificed! I don't subscribe to your religion!"

"[At the man standing on his head] Is it nasty this ring?"

"Tim Pigott-Smith as Pegasus"

"Kevin McNally as Tony Blair"

"Steve Nicolson as Dieter Klein"

"Douglas McFerran as Carlos Vendetta"

"Greg Wise as Agent One"

"Ben Miller as Bough"

"Natalie Imbruglia as Lorna Campbell"

"John Malkovich as Pascal Sauvage"

"Rowan Atkinson as Johnny English"

"When it comes to secret agents, there's the smooth, there's the sophisticated... and there's Johnny English."

"He's the kind of secret agent the Secret Service keeps secret."

"The star of Mr. Bean is now Her Majesty's most trusted agent."

"Prepare for British Intelligence."

"He knows no fear. He knows no danger. He knows nothing."

"[furious because his coronation has been interrupted by English, pulls a gun on crowd] Shut up! All this stupid little country has to do is stand in line and do what it's told for one miserable day! But can it do that? My fragrant French Ass it can!"

"Clearly, the aptly-named English is a fool."

"[speaking to Lorna] Are you familiar with the shaman throat warblers of the Guatemalan Delta?"

"[speaking to Bough] Have you heard of the chanting of the Bedouin monks of the Almaghreb mountains?"

"[after accidentally being crowned king; points to Sauvage after a pause] Arrest that man... and lock him away! [the crowd cheers as four guards take Sauvage away]"

"Good morning, gentlemen! MI7 at your service."