"I've been dropped into the Kalahari desert, carrying nothing but a toothbrush and a packet of Sherbet Lemons, and I still found my way to Bulawayo before Ramadan."

"You might have taken me, but you'll never take England. Not as long as I have breath in my body or a bullet in my gun. [English pulls the trigger, but poo splurts out instead of a bullet]"

"[Addressing the Archbishop of Canterbury, who he believes to be an impostor] Do you or do you not have tattooed on your bottom the words, "Jesus is coming – look busy"?"

"The word 'mistake' sir is not one that appears in my dictionary."

"[After climbing into a castle via the sewage system] Oh, pull yourself together, it's only a little bit of poo!"

"A good agent doesn't need gadgets. The only gadgets I've ever needed are a sharp eye, a finely tuned ear and a slightly bigger brain than is strictly necessary."

"(first lines) Ah, the Heckler and Koch G-36. Quite deadly in the right hands."

"Oliver Ford Davies as the Archbishop of Canterbury"

"[during a zombie breakout at the Police Station] I'm leaving town, I suggest you do the same."

"[first lines] My name is Alice. I worked for the Umbrella Corporation, the largest and most powerful commercial entity in the world. I was head of security at a secret high tech facility called The Hive, a giant underground laboratory developing experimental viral weaponry. But there was an incident, a virus escaped and everybody died. Trouble was... they didn’t stay dead. The T-virus reanimated their bodies. But I survived. Myself and one other, an environmentalist named Matt, when we emerged we were seized by Umbrella scientists. Matt and I were separated. We thought we had survived the horror, but we were wrong."

"[to bitten Olivera] Today is your lucky day."

"I'm not on the menu."

"You're all going to die."

"The infection is spreading faster than anyone could have anticipated."

"The evil continues..."

"Our lives are in their hands."

"My name is Alice and I remember everything."

"I'm good, but I'm not that good."

"Yuri Loginova: Bite this!! [Throws a grenade killing a group of zombies]"

"Carlos Olivera after killing an Umbrella Guard behind Alice: You missed one."

"Nicholai Ginovaef after killing a Zombie Dog: Stay."

"Major Cain: You're not mutation, you're evolution!"

"[Nemesis encounters Alice for the first time] Major Cain: [to Umbrella staffs] Gentlemen, this is the moment we've been waiting for. The nemesis program is now fully activated."

"Angela Ashford: They said I would never get better, just worse."

"Carlos Olivera: We're assets, Nicholai. Expendible assets... and we've just been expended."

"Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S..."

"Major Cain: Finish Him!"

"Dr. Isaacs: Project Alice Activated."

"[Cain asks L.J. who he thinks is a helicopter pilot why they haven't taken off yet] Because I usually drive a Cadilac! [punches out Cain and smiles]"

"[L.J. learns that Carlos has been bitten] You should've told me you were bit motherfucker, I'm hangin' witchu and shit!"

"[L.J stands alone after Nemesis kill the S.T.A.R.S. members, Nemesis stop shooting and looks at him] Respect!."

"[runs in after Alice pointing a gun at Carlos] Don't shoot, don't shoot! He's cool. He made a deal with Dr.Doom same as you."

"[When a S.T.A.R.S. officer hands him a shotgun] Motherfucker, please. [opens his jacket to reveal his two golden Desert Eagles] My shit is custom."

"[L.J runs into the S.T.A.R.S. members' hideout and find a dozen guns pointing at him] Shit! Maybe I was safer outside."

"[As the S.T.A.R.S squad prepares to take down Nemesis] You motherfuckers are crazy! Look at that big motherfucker, got a rocket launcher!"

"[seeing a zombie on road while driving] GTA, Motherfucker! [L.J. drives on, the zombie is sent flying by the car and hit the roof with a thud] Yeah! 10 points."

"[L.J is handcuffed on a chair next to another zombiefied woman in the police station, the woman tries to struggle out of her handcuffs to get L.J] Somebody get this ugly bitch off me!"

"[meeting Alice for the first time] Who the fuck are you?"

"You believe everything you hear on TV?"

"Peter Serafinowicz — Pete"

"Jessica Stevenson — Yvonne"

"Bill Nighy — Phillip"

"Penelope Wilton — Barbara"

"Lucy Davis — Dianne"

"Dylan Moran — David"

"Nick Frost — Ed"

"Kate Ashfield — Liz"

"Simon Pegg — Shaun"

"It's just one of those days when you're feeling a little...dead."

"In a time of crisis, a hero must arise... from his sofa."