Garfield and Friends

""For a while, [Binky] even hosted the wrestling matches. The wrestlers complained he was loud, they couldn't study their scripts." ~Garfield [from Binky Gets Cancelled, Again!]"

""You know what the sad part is? This is the sixth time Jon's taken me camping, and it's still the most fun I've ever had." ~Garfield [from The Bear Facts]"

""...Look what you've found. Do you know what this is, Odie? No, it's not a ball. It's the Klopman Diamond. A priceless gem, as well as a pointless running gag on a popular Saturday morning cartoon series." ~Garfield"

"TV announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Odie and Friends! Garfield: Odie and Friends? ...We are very close to the end of civilization as we know it. Floyd: What a disgusting, insulting, unfair TV show. Bet it's a hit, though. [from Attention Getting Garfield]"

"Garfield: Where's the ball, Odie? Stupid creatures love to fetch a ball. Jon: (angrily walks up with the ball) You're annoying us, Garfield. Garfield: Like I said."

"Judge: "Order in the court." Binky: I'll have a ham on rye. Hold the mayo! (laughs) Garfield: That's the real Binky. Judge: Arrest that phony! Stinky Davis: Hey, you can't do this to me! I'll get you for this, cat! Garfield: The real Binky could never resist a very old joke. [from Binky Goes Bad]"

""In the history of mankind, no two people have ever been able to agree on the toppings for pizza." ~Garfield [from Binky Gets Cancelled, Again!]"

""This will scare the pants off those three or my name isn't June Arburkle!" ~Jon"

""You! You're not Sylvia! You're one of the Kung-Fu Creatures on the Rampage!... Two!" ~Man in the movie Kung-Fu Creatures on the Rampage II [from Video Airlines]"

""If this guy's a lawman, then I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle." ~Garfield [from Speed Trap]"

""A beautiful woman is interested in Jon and you're asking what's wrong? How long have you been on this show?" ~Garfield, to Odie"

""I'll see your horse, and raise you... a grand piano... and the mayor of Davenport, Iowa!" ~Garfield during a game of poker [from The Lasagna Zone]"

""Kids! Check your TV listings. Make sure this isn't the last episode!" ~Garfield"

"Floyd: Just remember this moment, Garfield, 'cause there'll eventually come the day you'll beg me to do this show. But you know what? I won't be available. I'll be working for, uh, Disney or somebody. Garfield: Who's he kidding? Disney's up to here with mice on their contract. [from The Floyd Story]"

""Good morning. Sometimes, on the show, we like to teach you something a little educational. No, no! Don't change the channel! It's not that educational!" ~Garfield"

""Let me think how to solve this. Maybe I can call the Ghostbusters! Nah... that show was cancelled." ~Garfield [from Ghost of a Chance]"

"Jon: Garfield, come back here with that! I said you could have a light snack. Garfield: This is a light snack! A big snack includes soup. [from Beddy Buy]"

""This is much better than sending him to Abu Dhabi, and it saves on stamps." ~Garfield, after locking Nermal in a jail cell [from Well-Fed Feline]"

"Jon: We'll go to that new multiplex in town. They have 37 screens. Garfield: All of which will be showing Kung-Fu Creatures on the Rampage 2. [from Video Airlines]"

""Odie, that is not a watch. That is a head of cabbage. There is a difference." ~Garfield [from Dirty Business]"

"Jon: I'll put a stop to this or my name is mud! Garfield: "Mud" should be back any minute now. Jon: (returns, covered with mud on his face) Hello, my name is Mud. Garfield: We were expecting you. [ from Dirty Business]"

"Jon: Garfield look at you! You need to get in shape! Garfield: Round is a shape."

"Garfield: [to viewers] From time to time on this show, we like to bring you something a little educational. [a hand holding a remote control appears, startling Garfield] No, no! Don't change channels! It's not that educational."

"Binky: HEEEEEEEEYYYY, CAT!!! Aren't ya thrilled to see me?! Garfield: No. :Binky: I'm the handyman, who's gonna fix up your house!! Garfield: Note the worried look on the cat's face. [from Binky Gets Cancelled]"

"Garfield (to Odie) Rule number 1 in being a sidekick. Never dress better than the hero. [from The Caped Avenger]"

"Jon: It is a great honor to be in your presence, Your Highness. Sultan: Oh, you don't have to call me Your Highness. Now, you can call me Ali. Or you can call me Wally. Or you can call me Ben. Or you can call me Benny. Or you can call me Ali Ben. Or you can call me Ali Ben, Jr. Or you can call me Junior. Or you can call me Ali, Jr. Or you can call me Sonny. Or you can call me Ali Benny, Jr. Or you can call me Junie. Or you can call Johnny. Or you can call me Benjie. Or you can call me Benjie, Jr. Or you can call me Ray. Or you can call me Jay. Or you can call me Ray Jay. Or you can call me R.J.J. [from Ally Katta and the 40 Thieves]"

"Jon: That's not a hot dog! That's a hot dog truck! I hope you feel like a complete idiot! [from the quickie Hot Dog Truck]"

"Ralph: I got you this time, dog. :Garfield: Ahem! (points to himself) Me, cat. (points to Ralph) You, dog catcher. :Mr. Mendelberg(Ralph's boss): Ralph, put that cat down. You are the most incompetent dog catcher on the whole squad. :Ralph: But... but Mr. Mendelberg. :Mr. Mendelberg: One more mistake and you're fired! [from the episode Identity Crisis]"

"Garfield: [He and Jon step into Dr. Garbonzo Bean's lab to find hundreds of robotic duplicates of Odie.] It's an odie fest! [suddenly gets licked by two Robodies in succession] Just what I needed: a team slurp. [from Robodie]"

"Penelope: [In a jungle fantasy] Here is the famous professor of jungle sciences, deep in the forest, wondering where she should camp for the night. [a pride of lions jump out from the bushes] Here she is, considering a good motel in St. Louis. [from The Guy of Her Dreams]"

"Wade: It's National Don't Mention Meat Or Someone Will Hit You With a Banana Cream Pie Day! If you mention a kind of meat, someone will hit you with a banana cream pie! Roy: What? You mean I'll get hit with a banana cream pie if I mention, oh say, prime rib? (a pie hits him) That's a lot of baloney! (another pie hits him) Who do I complain to? I have a real beef! (a third pie hits him) Y'know what?! There's just too much at stake! (a fourth pie hits him) I said stake. S-T-A-K-E. Not steak, S-T-E-A-K. (a fifth pie hits him) (After Roy has quit the show) Wade: Roy's quit for good? Oh, now we are in a stew! (Hit with a pie) Orson: Wade, that's what you get for being so frank. (Hit with a pie) [from Big Bad Buddy Bird]"

"Orson: ...Maybe you'll look like me. Sheldon: Are you trying to scare me? [from Shell Shocked Sheldon]"

"Booker: Roy, why are you playing the wake-up call now? It's nine-thirty! Roy: I'm on daylight savings' time. [from Return of Power Pig]"

""Hello, I'm Big Bad Buddy Bird. I never agree with the group. I set a bad example for impressionable children everywhere." ~Roy [from Big Bad Buddy Bird]"

"Booker: Let's turn [the princess in the changed Cinderella story] into a cowgirl. Sheldon: No, a spacesuit. She's an astronaut. Booker: Even better, let's make her a race car driver and she's got an evil twin. Orson: No, she's a princess and there's only one of her! [from Bedtime Story Blues]"

""You will lose all your feathers during a total eclipse on Arbor day while listening to The Marine Corps Band playing "Home on the range" and watching a badminton match between two guys named Ichabod." ~Roy's fortune cookie [from Fortune Kooky]"

"Wade: Roy, your favorite show is on! Roy: Garfield and Friends?! [from Badtime Story]"

""And so Chicken Licken, Cocky Locky, Ducky Wucky, Piggy Wiggy, Sheepy Creepy, Lamby Wamby, Puppy Wuppy, Goosey Poosey, Horsey Worsey, Weasel Geasel, Turkey Lurkey, Hawky Tawky, Foxy Woxy, Eggy Leggy, Wooly Bully, Catty Fatty, Beaver Cleaver, Wormy Squirmy, Hoggy Woggy, Rooster Shooster, Fishy Wishy, Apey Wapey, Toady Woady, Mallard Ballard, Hippo Zippo, Mousey Wousey, and Chicky Wicky all went to see the king." ~Wade, reading Chicken Licken [from Badtime Story]"

"Roy: Read to the chicks? I can do that. Wade: As can I! I wanna read to them. Roy: I'm going to read to them. Wade: No, I'm going to read to them. Roy: Au contraire, ducko. Wade: I don't care if you can speak Spanish, I'm still gonna read to them! [from Badtime Story]"

""[The CD is] stuck! That's what I get for buying a stereo from a horse." ~Roy [from Wanted: Wade]"

"Roy: At this rate, I'll be done [putting the grain back in the silo] in time for Christmas. Sheldon: What year? Roy: That I'm not sure of. [from Unidentified Flying Orson]"

"Wade: Everyone thinks I'm a coward, and I resent it. Orson: Wade, you are a coward. Wade: That's why I resent it. [from Shy Fly Guy]"

"Orson: Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Roy: No more than usual."

""You are bullies! You are nasty swines, you are. I would say that you are not fit to eat with pigs, except for the fact that you are pigs." ~Wade, confronting Orson's brothers [from Show Stoppers]"

"Orson: Now I'd like to do a little dance for you. Roy: Don't! My earthquake insurance isn't paid up. Orson: I am not fat! I have the body of a supreme athlete! Roy: Well, give it back! You're getting it all stretched out of shape. Orson: Roy, aren't you supposed to be selling tickets at the door? Roy: What? And miss my chance to heckle you, Pignose? Orson: well in that case, I won't dance."[The entire audience applauds] [from Show Stoppers]"

"Booker: What do you get when you cross a lasagna-loving cat with a bunch of zany farm animals? Sheldon: You get picked up for another season. [from Show Stoppers]"

""Man, I wish I had a line in this episode." ~Bo [from Cock-a-Doodle Dandy]"

"Roy: Orson! The chickens is missing! Orson: Shouldn't that be the chickens are missing? You see, chickens is plural, so of course you need a plural verb-- Roy: Oh, great! The weasel has the chickens, and you're teaching grammar! [from The Bunny Rabbits Is Coming!]"

""What do you mean this is the only show you could get me on? Isn't Hanna-Barbera casting? What about cable? I heard they're doing a funny version of Ren and Stimpy." ~Roy, talking on phone to Bernie [from The Incredibly Stupid Swamp Monster]"

"Orson: (reading Rumpelstiltskin) After the king let the son out, the little man offered the son a deal. Rumpelstiltskin (Roy): You can keep your VCR if you can guess my name. Miller's son (Wade): Guess your name? Ha! That oughta be a cinch! Is it Fred? Rumpelstiltskin: No. Miller's son: Sam? Rumpelstiltskin: No. Miller's son: Elliot? Rumpelstiltskin: Nope! Miller's son: Jason? Rumpelstiltskin: No way. Orson: The son just kept on guessing far into the night... Miller's son: Irving? Floyd? Ichabod? Michael? Sidney? John? Paul? George? Ringo? Larry? Moe? Curly? Shemp? Howie? Frank? Rumpelstiltskin: Nope. Orson: ...but without success. Miller's son: Arbuthnot? Trallfaz? Sting? Prince? Engelburt? Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry, you only get one more guess. Pizzaman (Bo): Hey, like, hi there, Rumpelstiltskin. Qué pasa? Miller's son: I know it! I know your name! Your name is... Roy: (grabs the book from Orson) But before the duck-son could say the name, a hurricane came up! Orson: A hurricane!? Roy: Yes, a hurricane. And it blew the duck away, so he couldn't take his VCR back. Wade: Uno momento! Orson: Guys! Wade: Then a spaceship came by! And it rescued the handsome duck and flew him back to reclaim his VCR. Orson: Guys, stop this! Roy: But the rooster was determined to get it back with the aid of his trained dinosaurs! Orson: Trained dinosaurs? Where did the trained dinosaurs come from? Roy: Same place all those ninjas came from. Wade: But then the Third Marine Division landed with their Anti-Trained Dinosaur Squadron. Roy: But the Mole People were too smart for the Marines! Orson: Guys! [from The Name Game]"