Garfield and Friends

""We've got to stop that chicken from writing on my logo every week." [from Episodes 36 and 37]"

""Y'know, we're really running out of those silly lines I do at the start of each show." [from Episode 37 in syndicated airings only]"

""Garfield and Friends is taped in front of an animated studio audience." [from Episodes 38 and 39]"

""And a special hello to all you wonderful Nielsen families out there." [from Episode 41]"

""And pay attention; there'll be a test at the end." [from Episodes 42, 59]"

""Garfield and FRIENDS? Who are these friends, and why haven't they brought food?" [From Episode 42 in syndicated airings only]"

""Change channels and you'll never see your dog again." [from Episode 44]"

""Today's show is brought to you by the letter K and the number 9." [from Episode 45]"

""It doesn't start until the fat lady screams." [from Episodes 47 and 55]"

""My lips never move. Wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist?" [from Episodes 49. 65]"

""I'd like to buy a vowel, please." [from Episode 50]"

""In a moment, I'll wave my finger and the music will stop." [from Episode 51]"

""I'll be back right after they sell you stuff." [from Episode 52]"

""Enough of this entertainment jazz; let's have some commercials." [from Episode 53]"

""If any rating services call, we're spelled G-A-R-F-I-E-L-D." [From Episode 54 in syndicated airings only]"

""And today, we're having a half-off sale on Odie, 'cause he's half off." [from Episode 55 in syndicated airings only; the original and DVD versions have none due to an error]"

""We interrupt this program to bring you commercials. Wow." [from episode 55 on remastered Boomerang prints and the 9Story Season 3 DVD only]"

""Here are some commercials and then, more of me." [from Episode 56]"

""Garfield and Friends will be right back; at least I'll be." [from Episode 57]"

""The Buddy Bears are on the show today, folks, so keep that channel-changer handy." [from Episode 58]"

""Just think of me as like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Pussycat." [from Episode 60]"

""This show is the only possible reason for getting up this early." [from Episode 62]"

""Thank you. You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the cartoon show." [from Episode 64]"

""I'm sick of those singers. Can we get some, like, Elvis impersonators for next week?" [from Episode 66]"

""Welcome to my world. Did you bring food?" [from Episode 67]"

""Hey, I'll return the favor. When you get your own cartoon show, I'll watch." [from Episode 68]"

""Serving cartoon watchers the world over since 1988." [from Episode 70]"

""This show is the most fun you can have without marinara sauce." [from Episode 71]"

""When they invented television, this is pretty much what they had in mind." [from Episode 72]"

""I haven't had so much fun since Nermal fell in the mud!" [from Episode 73]"

""The following is made possible by a grant from the Lasagna Manufacturers of America." [from Episode 74]"

""Hey, don't get jealous just because I have a theme song and you don't." [from Episode 74 in syndicated airings only]"

""Today's show is dedicated to loyal and courageous pizza delivery persons everywhere." [from Episode 75]"

""Keep your tickets handy. We'll be raffling off in Turkey at the end of the show." [from Episode 75 in syndicated airings only]"

""If you can find a better show on television, watch it!" [from Episode 76]"

""If this show were any more entertaining, we'd be on pay-per-view." [from Episode 77]"

""If you like this show, tell a friend. If you don't like it, my name is Heathcliff." [from Episode 78]"

"Binky: HEEEEEEEEYYYY, CAT!!! I'm Binky the Clown! Is this the home of Mrs. Edna Fogarty? Garfield: ...No.Binky: I'm here to wish her a happy 97th birthday! Garfield: If he does, Edna won't make 98.Binky: "Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Whoop-de-doo, whoop-de-doo. May your day be pleasant, open up your present - just for you, just for you!" [from Peace and Quiet]"

""Hold still, little spider, while I squash you with the window. Hey, I know it's kinda cruel, but it's part of my job." - Garfield [from the quickie "Spider"]"

"Jon: Well guys, how would you like to experience something real scary? Garfield: Hmmm, Jon's gonna sing. Jon: Something so spooky you'll never get over it. Garfield: Hmmm, he's gonna sing and dance."

"Jon: Don't you realize how wrong it was to try and mail Nermal to Abu Dhabi? Garfield: You're right. Egypt's further."

"Garfield: Are there any questions? Audience member: Uh, yeah! Is wrestling fixed? Garfield: Excuse me. I should have asked, "Are there any intelligent questions? [from All About Odie]"

""People who sing like that should be drug out into the street and shot. Or worse, made to listen to a tape of themselves." ~Garfield [from Garfield's Moving Experience]"

""Garfield's been a very bad dog lately. I'm gonna teach him a lesson she'll never forget." ~Jon [from Mistakes Will Happen]"

"Garfield: [to Odie] Can you imagine Pete trying to scare us? Odie: [actually speaking] I don't know, I'm kinda scared. [from Mistakes Will Happen]"

"Jon: Garfield! How did you get here? Garfield: Knowing you, it was probably economy coach."

""What luck. Jon finally gets a decent quantity of food in the house and it had to be yogurt." ~Garfield [from Twice Told Tale]"

""You should never say, 'Things can't possibly get any worse.' Things'll always find a way." ~Garfield"

"Garfield's "Abu Dhabi" song to Nermal: Abu Dhabi, it's far away Abu Dhabi, that's where you'll stay Abu Dhabi, the place to be For any kitten who's annoying me, yeah! Abu Dhabi, it's off the track Abu Dhabi, now don't come back Abu Dhabi, it's quite a thrill For any kitten who can make me ill! Now some take a train, and some take a plane But I am sending you Not on a boat, or even by goat But in a box marked "Postage Due" Abu Dhabi, you're what they lack Abu Dhabi, now you're all packed Abu Dhabi, a far commute For any kitten who is too darn cute!"

""That's the mad scientist's assistant, Igor. Mad scientists' assistants are always named Igor. It's, like, a law." ~Garfield"