"[on Dr. Verringer to party guests as Verrigner stands before him] You know, this son of a bitch - let me tell you one thing about this bastard. He is the epitome of what's wrong - with this world - he really is actually, 'cause he pretends to cure people. Can you cure people?"

"Nothing says goodbye like a bullet."

"[to Joanne] Look at that face. Is that a face for a magazine cover? The profile. You're beautiful, and I love you. I sleep with a lot of women; I make love to you. The single most important person in my life, next to my family. Is that right, Pepe? Huh? [smashes a coke bottle on her face] Get her out of here! [to Marlowe] Now, that's someone I love! And you I don't even like! You got an assignment, cheapie: find my money!"

"I have two friends in the world. One is a cat. The other is a murderer."

"Elliott Gould - Philip Marlowe"

"Arthur Lowe - Tucker"

"William Mervyn - Sir Charles"

"Coral Browne - Lady Claire Gurney"

"Alastair Sim - Bishop Lampton"

"Michael Bryant - Dr. Herder"

"Yes, he's a nutcase. Most of these titled fleabags are. Rich nobs and priveleged arseholes can afford to be bonkers. They're living in a dreamworld, aren't they, sir? Life's made too easy for 'em. They don't have to earn a livin', so they do just what they want to."

"Upper-class excrement! You wanna do me dirt, just because I know too much. I know that one percent of the population owns half the property in this country. And that vomiting one percent wants kosher killing, hung up so the blue blood drains out slow and easy. So, comrades, come rally and the last fight let us face. The international army unites the human race. [singing] I'm only a strolling vagabond So good night, pretty maiden, good night."

"Harry Andrews - Ralph Gurney, the 13th Earl of Gurney"

"Peter O'Toole - Jack Gurney, the 14th Earl of Gurney"

"Sometimes God turns His back on His people and breaks wind. And the stench clouds the globe!"

"My noble lords, the strong must manipulate the weak! That's the first law of the universe. The hard survive, the soft quickly turn to corruption. This is a call to greatness! Approach this day out to battle against your enemies. Let not your hearts faint, fear not and do not tremble, neither be ye terrified because of them. For the Lord your God is He that goeth with you - to fight for you against your enemies to save you. And mine eyes shall not spare, neither will I have pity. I will recompense them according to their ways and their abominations that are in the midst of them. And they shall know that I am the lord that smiteth!"

"[after electro-shock therapy] Deformed, unfinished, sent before my time into this breeding world. I'm cured of fantasy obsessions, paranoid delusions. I master words. 'I' - straighten up there. 'AM' - close up with 'I' - you horrible little word. 'GOD.' I AM GOD. Not the god of love, but God Almighty. I massacred the Amalekites and the Seven Nations of Canaan. I hacked Agag to pieces and blasted the barren fig tree, for the day of vengeance is in my heart! You lunar jackass, she betrayed you. Guilty, guilty, guilty. The punishment is death. I've finally been processed. They made me adjust to modern times. This is 1888, isn't it? I'm Jack, Cunning Jack, Quiet Jack. Jack whose sword never sleeps. Hats off, I'm Jack. Not the good shepherd, not the prince of peace. I'm red Jack, spring-heeled Jack, Jack from Hell. Trade name: Jack the Ripper! [He produces a knife, flicks it open, and slashes at a bag of flour] Mary, Annie, Elizabeth, Catherine, Alice, Mary Kelly. [singing] 'Six little whores, glad to be alive. One sidles up to Jack, and then there are five.'"

"Come, doctor, you said he needed a harsh dose of reality. Well, you can't get a harder dose of the stuff than marriage."

"Carolyn Seymour - Grace Shelley"

"James Villiers - Dinsdale"

"Behaviour which would be considered insanity in a tradesman is looked upon as mild eccentricity in a lord."

"For what I am about to receive, may I make myself truly thankful."

"I was only trying to do what's expected me. I recall it's a sign of normalcy in our circle to slaughter anything that moves."

"If only I knew then who I was now."

"Georges Adet - Old Nehamkin"

"Sol Frieder - Voskovec"

"Alfred Lutter - Young Boris Grushenko"

"Lloyd Battista – Don Francisco"

"Tony Jay - Vladimir Maximovitch"

"Howard Vernon - General Leveque"

"Frank Adu – Drill sergeant"

"Aubrey Morris - Soldier 4"

"Jessica Harper - Natasha"

"Féodor Atkine - Mikhail Grushenko"

"Yves Barsacq - Rimsky"

"Brian Coburn - Dmitri"

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness — I hope you're getting this down."

"I never want to marry. I just want to get divorced."

"Wheat. I'm dead. They're talking about wheat. The question is have I learned anything about life. Only that - only that human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if - if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that He's evil. I think that - that the worst you can say about Him is that basically, He's an underachiever. After all, there are worse things in life than death. I mean, if you've - if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you - you know exactly what I'm talking about. The - The key here, I think, is to - to not think of death as an end, but - but think of it more as a very effective way of - of cutting down on your expenses. Regarding love, huh, you know, uh, what can you say. I-It - It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand, if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Well, that's about it for me, folks. Goodbye."

"Woody Allen - Boris Grushenko"