"Radio Announcer: [first lines] After a hotly contested race Americans go to the polls today for what promises to be a very close election. The Republican incumbent Andrew Carrington is hoping to hold on to the Oval Office, taking on Democratic challenger..."

"One ordinary guy is giving the candidates a reason to run."

"All the world's great civilizations have followed the same path. From bondage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy back to bondage. If we are to be the exception to history, then we must break the cycle, for those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

"Kevin Costner - Ernest "Bud" Johnson"

"Bud, if you blow this, I'm leaving."

"Chip Esten - Lewis"

"America needs someone who's bigger than their speeches."

"[reading a letter] "If this is one of the richest countries in the world, why is it so many of us can barely afford living here?""

"Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn"

"Vince Offer as Peeping Tom"

"Ari Shaffir as The Amazing Racist"

"Adrien Brody as Flirty Harry"

"Maybe [Paul] Haggis is right. He understands better than anyone how, no matter how dissimilar we might seem, whether we’re Oscar winners or disgraced infomercial pitchmen, we’re all connected, be it through our disillusionment with Scientology, a working relationship with Adrien Brody, or a desire to comment on racism in horribly overwrought movies."

"Rob Schneider as J. D./Psychologist"

"Jessie Usher as Jamal"

"Michelle Rodriguez as Harriet"

"[T]he Porno Review is explicitly posited as a “podcast,” apparently because Offer heard those were a thing nowadays—like apps and Lindsay Lohan—never mind that one of the defining qualities of podcasts is that they are an audio medium."

"“Flirty Harry” is stupid, but it’s fundamentally harmless. The same cannot be said of “Blackass,” which, as its title suggests, is like Jackass, only racist. So instead of Johnny Knoxville and his gleefully homoerotic gang of testicle-abuse enthusiasts, we’re treated to a dispiriting assortment of stereotypes of black men as welfare-collecting, violent, hyper-sexual, irresponsible thugs."

"inAPPropriate Comedy seems to be joylessly working its way through an outsized checklist of racist stereotypes. Jews are stingy Christ-killers. Asians are terrible drivers who are good at math and have small penises. Black people are violent and poor, hyper-sexual, and wildly irresponsible. Gay men are obsessed with sex and screamingly effeminate. Recycling those tropes isn’t edgy and transgressive, it’s lazy. And boring. Worst of all, it’s not funny. No, unfunny doesn’t cut it. inAPPropriate Comedy isn’t just unfunny. It’s fucking painful."

"I imagine Brody frantically trying to reassure his agent, “Now, I know my stock has fallen a little since the Oscar, but I’ve got really good working relationships with both Wes Anderson and the Sham-Wow guy who beat up the hooker.”"

"inAPPropriate Comedy has a reputation for being a less-classy, less-prestigious version of Movie 43. Movie 43, in turn, has a reputation for being the worst of the worst. So the notion of a movie widely considered much worse than a movie generally considered unwatchable emits a distinct train-wreck fascination. With movies like inAPPropriate Comedy, the question isn’t, “Is it good?” It’s, “How bad can it possibly be?”"

"Brody could be forgiven for phoning in his performance as Flirty Harry, yet he completely commits to the role. There’s a palpable, tragic joy to his performance; you can almost see the wheels in his head turning as he thinks up ways to make his lines filthier. The performance, while brief, permanently changed the way I see Brody. When I first saw him in Steven Soderbergh’s King Of The Hill, I thought, “Who is that guy, and why isn’t he a huge star?” Watching Brody in inAPPropriate Comedy, I thought, “What the hell is wrong with this guy, that he would want to be involved in a project like this? What strange, damaged part of his brain was attracted to the role of Flirty Harry?”"

"Funny excuses just about anything. Unfunny excuses nothing."

"This is starting to resemble gay porn."

"I think my dick just gasped."

"Just when the recent misbegotten sketch comedy film Movie 43 had blessedly receded from memory, along comes InAPPropriate Comedy, another piece of cinematic sludge. While its predecessor at least provided the dubious pleasure of watching many of Hollywood’s biggest stars utterly humiliate themselves, this low-rent production features but one Oscar winner, Adrien Brody, here thoroughly slumming it along with Rob Schneider, Michelle Rodriguez and Lindsay Lohan."

"Easy now, I know you’re ready to blow. Let me just… push your stool in reeeal slow…"

"I told you before, I am not gonna wait around for a bunch of other dicks. Not when I have an opening to take those guys from the rear."

"Yeah. I don’t think you understand. Those boys were packing heat. I mean, as soon as I came, those assholes opened up. Yeah, opened up and started spraying everywhere."

"This painfully unfunny assemblage of would-be comedy sketches manages to make Movie 43 look good in retrospect."

"So I went in. Yeah, I went in deep, balls to the wall, but I unloaded into both of those assholes. And it felt good."