First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Slack-jawed simpletons of Britain, this is your leader…"
"People of Britain, this is your Emperor…"
"You miserable gits, this is your Prime Minister…"
"People of Britain, who hate me…"
"People of Britain, this is your Supreme Overlord…"
"People of Britain, this is your Prime Minister, twitchy face, embarrassing plum suit, today..."
"People of Britain, oh how I hate to be beside the seaside grimace, hate Gordon Brown hand gesture, looking over his shoulder underpants…"
"People of Britain, starey eyes, sweaty palms, receding hairline, yesterday I announced…"
"Al-Kapowwow"
"As a result, the North Korean leader Kim Jong-il announcified that he would be resumerating their nucular program."
"[After a long speech] I hope I have made myself queer."
"Yassir Crackerjack and the Polyunsaturated people."
"Abu Musab al-Safari and the Iraqi detergents are vanished."
"My fellow cabinet members, Donald Rumsfeld and Basmati Rice…"
"Former President, Bill Clitoris…"
"The Iraqi people can look forward to a future free of intimidation and violins."
"Today the Iraqi people will be voting — whether they are Sonnies or Chers."
"You must remember that Al-Qaeda therapists despise the American way of life, and everything you and I hold to be queer…"
"[Referring to the end of the Iraq War] I give my word to the Iraqi people that American construction firms have arrived on the ground and will commence reincarnation immediately…"
"My fellow crustaceans..."
"My fellow Merkins…"
"My fellow Algorithms…"
"My fellow Abi Titmuses…"
"My fellow Bulgarians…"
"My fellow ostriches…"
"My fellow sea-beavers…"
"My fellow umbrellastands…"
"My fellow pelicans…"
"My fellow watermelons…"
"My fellow amoeboids…"
"My fellow Ugly Bettys..."
"My fellow animaniacs…"
"In my vast (or at least half-vast) experience with..."
"I had everything a kid could want: two square meals a day, a basket to sleep in, and an imaginary dog."
"The overhead projector has done more to destroy learning than any other thing I can think of."
"If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there."
"Live long and prosper bitches! - Sign-off for 2008"
"I didn't ruin the show! - Daily Sign-off"
"Ba-bye! - Past Sign-off"
"Shut up! I'm sexy! - Past statement often replayed"
"Don't you know who I am? - Daily Sign-off"
"I'm Bill Allred, Painter of Light. - Former Sign-off"
"What're you looking at!? - Sign-off for 2008"
"Mrs. Bill (Bill's wife): You're the one who's going to have to explain to our son what 'banging a stripper' means."
"Nola Allred (Bill's mother): "What's the matter? You got a turd caught crosswise?""
"Shannon the Bartender (Geek Show Guest): "'snarf' You shall not pass. 'snarf'""
"Grant Neilsen (of KSL): So....anyway....yeah. But anyway."
"Bill Frost: Whatever hole needs plugged; that's me."
"Bill Frost: It's beyond Bravo gay."
"Girl Intern: It takes the right ingredients to make a good boner."