"[After mutating into a Spider-esque abomination] No! You can't! My work! FLIES! I need, flies! Everything will be lost. the code. I have to remember the code. Bring me flies. No! No! I must save the ship. My work!"

"I am like the Wizard of Oz, am I not? Running things from behind a curtain. Only this wizard IS NOT A FAKE!"

"Warwick Davis as The Leprechaun"

"[Upon seeing Kowalski's remains after Leprechaun came out of his crotch] Damn. 'Gonna take more than penicillin to fix that shit."

"Pamela Mant as Mrs. O'Grady"

"[Revealing her breasts] Look upon them and know that you are forever doomed."

"The King is dead. Long live the Queen."

"John Sanderford as J.D."

"Brent Jasmer as Books"

"Jessica Collins as Tina"

"For two thousand years you filthy mortals have tried to steal my riches to satisfy your greedy urges... and it always ends the same, with you begging for your miserable lives. Was it all worth it in the end? One day your kind will learn that the treasure of the Leprechauns..."

"[To The Leprechaun] Tell me, what was Judy Garland really like?"

"What do I want? I want brown hair. I want health insurance for all Americans. I want the Mets to get their shit together."

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to a slight solicrivilance in the stem of the wheel, the situation is thus - this table is now closed."

"['As he's being sawn in half] Caesar's... Palace..."

"You need more than a boob job, Loretta. You need a personality transplant."

"Look at those tits! I wish I was a man so I could just screw myself right to the floor. And I dare you to feel that ass, Fazio. That's prime."

"Marcelo Tubert as Gupta"

"[Leprechaun appears on the TV as a preacher doing a commercial]"

"[To an East Indian pawn shop owner after being revived granitized] Mmm, I like Indian food. So spicy!"

"[On the phone] Yeah, give me hotel security. Yeah, I'd like to report a leprechaun in your hotel. No, a LEPRECHAUN. Yeah, little green guy. HE TRIED TO KILL ME! [Realizes receptionist has hung up] Hello?"

"Warwick Davis as Leprechaun"

"Loretta, darling, if you want magic, bend over. I'll pull a rabbit out of your ass."

"Tom Dugan as Art"

"I am not defensive and I will shoot anyone who says I am defensive."

"[After Leprechaun becomes a giant] What did you shoot him with, steroids?"

"I want my gold shilling. Tell me where it is or there will be another killing."

"Ah... lovely golden palaces completely full of riches. I'll rip 'em off and rob 'em blind, those dirty sons of bitches."

"Now that was quite a load to have to explode. What a lovely lass, I had to blow up your ass but now I must hit the road!"

"There was an old man of Madras whose balls were made of fine brass. So in stormy weather they both clang together and sparks flew out of his ass."

"Tony Cox as African-American Leprechaun"

"For pulling this trick, I'll chop off your dick!"

"[Appears on the TV as a injuries compensation lawyer doing an infommercial] Feeling sick? Stubbed your toe? Call this lawyer. I'll fix your woe. Agony is my business. I'll fight for you! Even you, Mitch."

"James Lancaster as William O'Day"

"Lee Armstrong as Tammy"

"Leigh-Allyn Baker as Waitress"

"William Newman as Sheriff Cronin"

"Al White as Desk Sergeant"

"Richard Reicheg as Lucky"

"Shevonne Durkin as Bridget/William's Daughter"

"[Appears on the TV as a psychic doing a commercial] The signs point to a tragedy about to happen: casino owner dies in a bed of lies."

"Shay Duffin as O'Grady"

"David Powledge as Frank"

"Sandy Baron as Morty"

"Adam Biesk as Ian"

"Martha Hackett as Detective"

"John Gatins as Scott"