"[narrating] Here's a question for you. What do kids need more, a father or a dad? What's the difference? The way I see it, darn near anyone can be a father... [video of copulating rhinos] ...but not everyone has the patience or the devotion to be a dad. As for me, I've always wanted to be a dad. Let me tell you, I love it! Yeah! [driving] And I love my Ford Flex. It treats me to a smooth ride, and you know what? It didn't break the bank. Room enough for the whole family. [making sandwiches in the kitchen] Yes, I love being a dad. And I love these two adorable little rays of sunshine. [Dylan and Megan walk in]"

"Renée Elise Goldsberry -Kim"

"It looks like we got our self's a dad-off, Brad."

"Mark Wahlberg - Dusty Mayron"

"Dad vs step-dad."

"Santino Fontana - Mr. Geernt"

"Greta Lee - Hae Won"

"Britt Lower - Mrs. Geernt"

"Adrian Martinez - Officer Harris"

"Jon Glaser - Dan"

"Linda Cardellini - Sara Whitaker"

"Scarlett Estevez - Megan Mayron"

"Kate McKinnon - Sam"

"John Leguizamo - Dave"

"Rachel Dratch - Kelly"

"John Cena - Pazuzu"

"Madison Davenport - Hayley"

"Paula Pell - Dana"

"Bobby Moynihan - Alex"

"Billy Slaughter - Squidward"

"Brian d'Arcy James - Jerry"

"Chris Parnell - Phil"

"Jamie Denbo - Doris"

"Sumner Getchell - Little Jack Horner"

"Alice Dahl - Little Miss Muffet"

"William Burress as the Toymaker"

"Russell Coles - Tom Tucker"

"Carol Andrews - Hattie Blake"

"Oliver Hardy - Oliver"

"Richard Lane - 'Hot Shot' Coleman"

"Irving Gump - Mr. Gump"

"Charley Rogers - Simple Simon"

"Robert Hoover - Bobby Shaftoe"

"Jean Darling - Goldilocks"

"Billy Bletcher - the Chief of Police"

"Ferdinand Munier - Santa Claus"

"Kewpie Morgan - Old King Cole"