84 quotes found
"I myself subscribe more to the European philosophy of life, my priorities leaning towards wine, women and... well that's about it."
"Whenever you meet a beautiful woman, just remember somewhere there's a man who's sick of shagging her."
"Anyone in the mood for a little Alfie, straight-up?"
"It seems to me the problems you worry yourself sick about never seem to materialize. It's the ones that catch you unexpectedly on a Wednesday afternoon that knock you sideways."
"The problem is, she doesn't have enough of the superficial things that really matter."
"In every doomed relationship there comes what I like to call the "oh oooh"-moment. And a certain little something happens and you know you've just witnessed the beginning of the end. Suddenly you stop and you think: "oh oooh"... iceberg ahead."
"What happens with me is – I don’t know – I get… when it gets too… not close, but something like that, I start to feel… not stifled… not trapped… but, but… something like that and I – you know, you know what I mean."
"I warned them all from the beginning. I always said something along the lines of… I must advise you, I am stamped with an invisible warning: “will not commit”, “will never marry”."
"When I look back on my little life and all the women I’ve known. I can’t help to think about all that they’ve done for me, I hadn’t left up for them, how they looked after me, and cared for me, and I would pay them by never returning the favor. Yeah, I used to think I had the best end of the deal. What have I got… really… some money in my pocket, some nice threads, a fancy car at my disposal, and I am single… unattached, free as a bird. I don’t depend on nobody. Nobody depends on me. My life’s my own. But I don’t have peace of mind. And if you don’t have that, you have nothing. So.. so what’s the answer, I keep asking myself. What’s it all about. You know what I mean."
"Well, no, I've never done it. But it might be worth a try."
"I give her my highest grade: A minus. Look at her - legs like racehorse, perfect yoga bum"
"For us boys its all about FBB, Face-Boobs,Bum"
"It's like an emotional peanut allergy."
"Someone call Charlie Brown, we found the Great Pumpkin."
"Adam, did you make me a Period Mix?"
"I warned you not to come. It's not safe for you here."
"It's like a crime scene in my pants."
"Tea for your gina..."
"Just shut up and take your Pamprin."
"YOU are NOT even a woman!"
"Ten years from now you will be having sex with your wife. and it'll be in the missionary position. And one of you will be asleep."
"Friendship has its benefits"
"Natalie Portman - Dr. Emma K. Kurtzman"
"Aston Kutcher - Adam Franklin"
"Kevin Kline - Alvin Franklin, Adam's father"
"Cary Elwes - Dr. Metzner, Emma's boss."
"Greta Gerwig - Patrice, Emma's friend"
"Lake Bell - Lucy"
"Olivia Thirlby - Katie Kurtzman, Emma's young sister"
"Ludacris - Wallace, Adam's friend"
"Jake Johnson - Eli, Adam's friend"
"Mindy Kaling - Shira, Emma's friend"
"Talia Balsam - Sandra Kurtzman, Emma and Katie's mother"
"Ophelia Lovibond - Vanessa, Alvin's girlfriend"
"Guy Branum - Guy, Emma's friend"
"Ben Lawson - Sam, a co-worker of Emma, that likes her"
"Jennifer Irwin - Megan, Adam's boss"
"Adhir Kalyan - Kevin, Katie's fiancé"
"Brian H. Dierker - Bones, Sandra's boyfriend"
"Abby Elliott - Joy"
"Vedette Lim - Lisa"
"Nasim Pedrad - Writer"
"Mollee Gray - Sari"
"Matthew Moy - Chuck"
"Dylan Hayes - Young Adam"
"Stefanie Scott - Young Emma"
"Good morning, Mrs. Fisher. How's it hanging?"
"[in college cafeteria] I have never seen so many ugly men in all my life. I mean look at them, they're trying to wear their brains on the outside."
"[to Jonathan] You haven't lived a bloody day since, have you? I mean what else have you achieved in the last 20 years? I've read your other work, and it sure ain't Tolstoy. Unless it's the sequel: "Bore and Cease"."
"Jessica Brown Findlay - Emelia"
"Sebastian Koch - Jonathan Fischer"
"Julia Ormond - Joa Fischer"
"Felicity Jones - Beth Fischer"
"Peter Vaughan - Grandpa"
"My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know."
"A married woman, see. Every one of 'em in need of a good laugh. It don't never strike their husbands. I always say, make a married woman laugh and you're halfway there with her. Of course, it don't work with the single bird. Start you off on the wrong foot. You get one of them laughing, you won't get nothing else."
"What I loved once and what I love now are two different things."
"I've never told her that I love her - except at those times when you've got to say something for appearance's sake."
"[about Gilda's appearance while she is pregnant] Mind you, she came over quite beautified for a while, particularly during the early months. And I told her: I said "Blimey, girl, you ain't as ugly as I thought"."
"I don't want no bird's respect - I wouldn't know what to do with it."
"She's got a little ginger moustache. But I find I'm quite willing to overlook the odd blemish in a woman, providing she's got something to make up for it. Well, that's what we're all here for, innit - to help each other out in this life."
"If you lose a bird you can always replace her. But with a child it's different."
"I told Gilda from the start that I ain't the marrying sort. And do you know what? She don't mind. She's a stand-by and she knows it. And any bird that knows its place in this world can be quite content."
"When a married woman gets too hot on, it's time to cool off."
"It don't do to get dependent on nobody in this life."
"You've got to live for yourself in this world, not for others."
"Do you know, I'm beginning to think she was beautiful. After all, it ain't through the eyes that you feel beauty, it's how the heart hungers for something that makes it beautiful."
"If a bird ain't got you one way, she's got you another."
"You know what? When I look back on my little life and the birds I've known, and think of all the things they've done for me and the little I've done for them, you'd think I've had the best of it along the line. But what have I got out of it? I've got a bob or two, some decent clothes, a car, I've got me health back and I ain't attached. But I ain't got me peace of mind - and if you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing. I dunno. It seems to me if they ain't got you one way they've got you another. So what's the answer? That's what I keep asking myself - what's it all about? Know what I mean?"
"Is every man an Alfie? Ask any girl."
"What's it all about... Alfie."
"Michael Caine - Alfie Elkins"
"Shelley Winters - Ruby"
"Millicent Martin - Siddie"
"Vivien Merchant - Lily Clamacraft"
"Jane Asher - Annie"
"Julia Foster - Gilda"
"Shirley Anne Field - Carla"
"Eleanor Bron - the Doctor"
"Denholm Elliott - Abortionist"
"Alfie Bass - Harry Clamacraft"
"Graham Stark - Humphrey"
"Murray Melvin - Nat"
"Sydney Tafler - Frank"