"My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I do…"

"A married woman, see. Every one of 'em in need of a good laugh. It don't never strike their husbands. I always say, m…"

"What I loved once and what I love now are two different things."

"I've never told her that I love her - except at those times when you've got to say something for appearance's sake."

"[about Gilda's appearance while she is pregnant] Mind you, she came over quite beautified for a while, particularly d…"

"I don't want no bird's respect - I wouldn't know what to do with it."

"She's got a little ginger moustache. But I find I'm quite willing to overlook the odd blemish in a woman, providing s…"

"Millicent Martin - Siddie"

"Vivien Merchant - Lily Clamacraft"

"If you lose a bird you can always replace her. But with a child it's different."