543 quotes found
"Creation seems to come out of imperfection. It seems to come out of a striving and a frustration. This is where, I think, language came from. I mean, it came from our desire to transcend our isolation and have some sort of connection with one another. It had to be easy when it was just simple survival. “Water.” We came up with a sound for that. “Sabretooth tiger right behind you!” We came up with a sound for that. But when it gets really interesting, I think, is when we use that same system of symbols to communicate all the abstract and intangible things that we’re experiencing. What is “frustration”? Or, what is “anger” or “love”? When I say “love” - the sound comes out of my mouth and it hits the other person’s ear, travels through this byzantine conduit in their brain, through their memories of love or lack of love, and they register what I'm saying... and they say yes they understand, but how do I know? Because words are inert. They’re just symbols. They’re dead - you know? And so much of our experience is intangible. So much of what we perceive cannot be expressed, it’s unspeakable. And yet, you know, when we communicate with one another and we feel that we have connected - and we think we’re understood, I think we have a feeling of almost spiritual communion... and that feeling may be transient, but I think it’s what we live for."
"For looking at the highlights of human development, you have to look at the evolution of the organism, and then at the development of its interaction with the environment. Evolution of the organism will begin with the evolution of life, proceed through the hominid, coming to the evolution of mankind. Neanderthal, Cro-magnon man. Now interestingly, what you are looking at here are three strings: Biological, Anthropological, development of cities, cultures, and Cultural, which is human expression. Now, what you've seen here is the evolution of populations, not so much the evolution of individuals. And in addition, if you look at the time scales that's involved here, two billion years for life, six million years for the hominid, 100,000 years for mankind as we know it, you begin to see the telescoping nature of the evolutionary paradigm. And then, when you get to agriculture, when you get to scientific revolution and industrial revolution, you're looking at 10,000 years, 400 years, 150 years. You've seen a further telescoping of this evolutionary time. What that means is as we go through the new evolution, it's going to telescope to the point we should be able to see it manifest itself within our lifetime, within a generation. The new evolution stems from information, and it stems from two types of information: Digital and Analog. Digital is artificial intelligence. The analog results from molecular biology, the cloning of the organism, and you knit the two together with neurobiology. Before, under the old evolutionary paradigm, one would die, and the other would grow and dominate, but under the new paradigm, they would exist as a mutually supportive, non-competitive grouping, independent from the external. And what is interesting here is that evolution now becomes an individually centered process emanating from the needs and the desires of the individual, and not an external process, a passive process where the individual is just at the whim of the collective. So, you produce a neo-human, okay, with a new individuality, and new consciousness, But that's only the beginning of the evolutionary cycle because as the next cycle proceeds, the input is now this new intelligence. As intelligence piles on intelligence, as ability piles on ability, the speed changes, until what? Until you reach a crescendo. In a way, it could be imagined as an almost instantaneous fulfillment of human, human and neo-human potential. It could be something totally different. It could be the amplification of the individual, the multiplication of individual existences, parallel existences, now, with the individual no longer restricted by time and space. And the manifestations of this neo-human-type evolution, manifestations could be dramatically counterintuitive. That's the interesting part. The old evolution is cold, it's sterile, it's efficient, and its manifestations are those of social adaptation. You're talking about parasitism, dominance, morality, war, predation. These will be subject to de-emphasis. These will be subject to de-evolution. The new evolutionary paradigm would give us the human traits of truth, of loyalty, of justice, of freedom. These would the manifestations of the new evolution. And that is what we would hope to see from this. That'd be nice."
"Anchors aweigh! So what do you think of my little vessel? She's what we call a see-worthy. S-E-E, see with your eyes. I feel like my transport should be an extension of my personality. Voila. And this, this is like my little window to the world, and every minute's a different show. Now I may not understand it. I may not even necessarily agree with it. But I'll tell you what, I accept it and just sort of glide along. You want to keep things on an even keel, I guess is what I'm saying. You want to go with the flow. The sea refuses no river. The idea is to remain in a state of constant departure while always arriving. It saves on introductions and goodbyes. The ride does not require an explanation - just occupants. That's where you guys come in. It's like you come onto this planet with a crayon box. Now you may get the eight-pack, you may get the sixteen-pack, but it's all in what you do with the crayons, the colors, that you're given. And don't worry about drawing within the lines or coloring outside the lines. I say color outside the lines, you know what I mean? Color right off the page. Don't box me in! We're in motion to the ocean. We are not land-locked, I'll tell you that. So where do you want out?"
"Man wants chaos. In fact, he's got to have it. Depression, strife, riots, murder. All this dread. We're irresistibly drawn to that almost orgiastic state created out of death and destruction. It's in all of us. We revel in it. Sure, the media tries to put a sad face on these things, painting them up as great human tragedies; but we all know the function of the media has never been to eliminate the evils of the world, no! Their job is to persuade us to accept those evils and get used to living with them. The powers that be want us to be passive observers. Hey, you got a match? And they haven't given us any other options outside the occasional, purely symbolic, participatory act of voting. "You want the puppet on the right, or the puppet on the left?" I feel the time has come to project my own inadequacies and dissatisfaction into the sociopolitical and scientific schemes. Let my own lack of a voice be heard. [douses himself in gasoline and sets himself on fire]"
"The reason why I refuse to take existentialism as just another French fashion or historical curiosity, is that I think it has something very important to offer us for the new century. I'm afraid we're losing the real virtues of living life passionately in the sense of taking responsibility for who you are, the ability to make something of yourself and feeling good about life. Existentialism is often discussed as if it's a philosophy of despair, but I think the truth is just the opposite. Sartre once interviewed said, he never really felt a day of despair in his life. But one thing that comes out from reading these guys is not a sense of anguish about life so much as a real kind of exuberance, a feeling on top of it. It's like your life is yours to create. I've read the post-modernists with some interest, even admiration, but when I read them I always have this awful nagging feeling that something absolutely essential is getting left out. The more that you talk about a person as a social construction, or as a confluence of forces, or as fragmented or marginalized, what you do is you open up a whole new world of excuses. And when Sartre talks about responsibility, he's not talking about something abstract. He's not talking about the kind of self or soul that theologians would argue about. It's something very concrete. It's you and me talking, making decisions, doing things, and taking the consequences. It might be true that there are six billion people in the world, and counting. Nevertheless - what you do makes a difference. It makes a difference, first of all, in material terms. It makes a difference to other people, and it sets an example. And in short, I think the message here is that we should never simply write ourselves off and see ourselves as the victim of various forces. It's always our decision who we are."
"There are two kinds of sufferers in this world: those who suffer from a lack of life and those who suffer from an overabundance of life. I’ve always found myself in the second category. When you come to think of it, almost all human behavior and activity is not essentially any different from animal behavior. The most advanced technologies and craftsmanship bring us, at best, up to the super-chimpanzee level. Actually, the gap between, say, Plato or Nietzsche and the average human is greater than the gap between that chimpanzee and the average human. The realm of the real spirit, the true artist, the saint, the philosopher, is rarely achieved."
"The trick is to combine your waking rational abilities with the infinite possibilities of your dreams. Because, if you can do that, you can do anything."
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."
"A thousand years is but an instant. There's nothing new, nothing different; same pattern over and over. The same clouds, same music, the same things I felt an hour or an eternity ago. There's nothing here for me now, nothing at all. Now I remember, this happened to me before. This is why I left. You have begun to find your answers. Although it will seem difficult the rewards will be great. Exercise your human mind as fully as possible knowing that it is only an exercise. Build beautiful artifacts, solve problems, explore the secrets of the physical universe, savor the input from all the senses, filled with joy and sorrow and laughter, empathy, compassion, and tote the emotional memory in your travel bag. I remember where I came from, and how I became human, why I hung around, and now my final departure's scheduled. This way out, escaping velocity. Not just eternity, but Infinity."
"On this bridge, Lorca warns: Life is not a dream. Beware, and beware, and beware. And so many think because then happened, now isn't. But didn't I mention? The ongoing WOW is happening, right now! We are all co-authors of this dancing exuberance, where even our inabilities are having a roast. We are the authors of ourselves, co-authoring a gigantic Dostoevsky novel starring clowns! This entire thing we're involved with, called the world, is an opportunity to exhibit how exciting alienation can be. Life is a matter of a miracle that is collected over time by moments flabbergasted to be in each others' presence. The world is an exam, to see if we can rise into the direct experiences. Our eyesight is here as a test, to see if we can see beyond it, matter is here as a test for our curiosity, doubt is here as an exam for our vitality. Thomas Mann wrote that he would rather participate in life than write a hundred stories. Giacometti was once run down by a car, and he recalled falling into a lucid faint, a sudden exhilaration, as he realized at last, something was happening to him. An assumption developed that you cannot understand life and live life simultaneously. I do not agree entirely, which is to say, I do not exactly disagree. I would say that life understood is life lived. But, the paradoxes bug me, and I can learn to love and make love to the paradoxes that bug me, and on really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion. Before you drift off, don't forget, which is to say remember, because remembering is so much more a psychotic activity than forgetting. Lorca, in that same poem said that the Iguana will bite those who do not dream, and as one realizes that one is a dream-figure in another person's dream - That is self-awareness!"
"We have got to realize that we are being conditioned on a mass scale. Start challenging this corporate slave state. The 21st century is going to be a new century. Not the century of slavery; not the century of lies and issues of no significance and classism and statism and all the rest of the modes of control. It's going to be the age of human kind standing up for something pure and something right. What a bunch of garbage! ... liberal, democrat, conservative, republican ... It's all there to control you; two sides of the same coin! Two management teams bidding for control of the CEO job of slavery incorporated. The truth is out there in front of you but they lay out this buffet of lies. I'm sick of it; and I am not going to take a bite out of it! Do you got me?!"
"Wiley Wiggins - The Dreamer"
"Bill Wise - Boat Car Guy"
"Robert C. Solomon - Philosophy Professor"
"Kim Krizan - Herself"
"Eamonn Healy - Shape-Shifting Man"
"J.C. Shakespeare - Burning Man"
"Richard Linklater - Pinball Playing Man"
"Ethan Hawke - Jesse"
"Julie Delpy - Celine"
"Alex Jones - Man in Car with P.A."
"Timothy Levitch - Himself"
"[Nonaka and Alexa talk of converting an intelligent machine to help them] Alexa: Will it...? Do you think it will convert? Nonaka: To convert is its choice to make. Alexa: Do you think we ought to reprogram it? Nonaka: No. We can't make slaves of them. Alexa: Because that would be simpler. Nonaka: We won't beat the machines by making them our slaves. Better to let them join us by choice. Alexa: Make them believe the right choice is the one we want. Nonaka: All right. Yes, machines are tools. They're made to be used. It's their nature. Alexa: To be slaves. Nonaka: That's why we show them a better world, why they convert. Alexa: But that world we show them isn't real. Nonaka: It doesn't matter. Alexa: I'm afraid they'll figure out that we've made up the thing in our heads. Nonaka: They can't tell the difference. To an artificial mind, all reality is virtual. How do they know that the real world isn't just another simulation? How do you? Alexa: I know I' m not dreaming now because I know what its like being in a dream. Nonaka: So dreaming lets you know that reality exists? Alexa: No. Just that my mind exists. I don't know about the rest. [Allusion to Cogito, ergo sum.]"
"[whips dogs while using them for dog-sledding] Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! [jumps from one slope to the other side] Jump! Jump! Land! Land! [while dogs rest] Rest! Rest! [while dogs running again] Run! Run! [after stopping for the night] Now I know we've had a rough day, but I'm sure we can put all that behind us and just- [the dogs maul him] That's my whipping arm! [the dogs abandon him] Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?"
"[sings while playing with his pig]"
"Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did."
"What's the point of going to church every Sunday if when someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?"
"[watching ad] That's where Springfield is!"
"Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, "Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.""
"EPA, EPA! It's all come true."
"You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun."
"Wait! But if you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!"
"Eh, just passing the time."
"Dad, in case I don't make it, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my dad."
"But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you."
"[poking mutant squirrel's eyes] Jab him-jab him-jab-jab-jab!"
"[Lisa has a girl talk with Marge about Colin] I still haven't told you the best part! He cares about the environment! No! I still haven't told you the best part! He's got an [with a heavy Irish accent] Irish brogue! [In normal voice] No, wait, I still haven't told you the best part! He's not imaginary!"
"Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about."
"Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels."
"That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options."
"You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you."
"I was tricked by an idiot!"
"So...you want some of my electricity, do you? Well, for once the rich white man is in control! I have two buttons behind this desk: one will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother."
"[Springfield has been trapped inside a dome]"
"People! I have an important announcement. I have been working on a new acid-firing super-drill that can cut through anything. [pointing] It's right there...just outside of the dome."
"See Our Family, And Feel Better About Yours."
"For Years, Lines Have Been Drawn...And Then Colored In Yellow."
"Dan Castellaneta – Homer Simpson, Itchy, Barney, Grampa, Stage Manager, Krusty the Clown, Mayor Quimby, Mayor's Aide, Multi-Eyed Squirrel, Panicky Man, Sideshow Mel, Mr. Teeny, E.P.A Official, Kissing Cop, Bear, Boy on Phone, NSA Worker, Officer, Santa's Little Helper, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Groundskeeper Willie"
"Julie Kavner – Marge Simpson, Selma Bouvier, Patty Bouvier"
"Nancy Cartwright – Bart Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Ralph Wiggum, Nelson Muntz, Todd Flanders, TV Daughter, Woman on Phone"
"Yeardley Smith – Lisa Simpson"
"Hank Azaria – Professor Frink, Comic Book Guy, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Lou, Carl, Cletus, Bumblebee Man, Male E.P.A Worker, Dome Depot Announcer, Kissing Cop, Carnival Barker, Counter Man, Apu, Dredrick Tatum, Sea Captain, E.P.A Passenger, Robot, Dr. Nick Riviera"
"Harry Shearer – Scratchy, Mr. Burns, Rev. Lovejoy, Ned Flanders, Lenny, Skull, President Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, Dr. Hibbert, Smithers, Toll Booth Man, Guard, Otto, Kang"
"Pamela Hayden – Milhouse Van Houten / Rod Flanders / Jimbo"
"Tress MacNeille – Sweet Old Lady, Colin, Agnes Skinner, Nelson's Mother, Pig, Crazy Cat Lady, Female E.P.A Worker, G.P.S. Woman, Cookie Kwan, Lindsey Naegle, TV Son, Medicine Woman, Girl on Phone"
"A. Brooks – Russ Cargill"
"Karl Wiedergott – Man, E.P.A Driver"
"Marcia Wallace – Mrs. Krabappel"
"Russi Taylor – Martin Prince"
"Maggie Roswell – Helen Lovejoy"
"Phil Rosenthal – TV Dad"
"Billie Joe Armstrong Tré Cool Mike Dirnt – Green Day"
"Joe Mantegna – Fat Tony"
"Tom Hanks – Himself"
"We're very excited about the performances in this movie. Come next Oscars, we think it's going to be Milhouse's night. ~ Matt Groening"
"Since 2001 we had been working to get a script that would be worthy of people actually paying to see the Simpsons. ~ Matt Groening"
"We've been running a little behind schedule, but only by about 15 years. ~ Matt Groening"
"If I were feeling any more pressure, I'd be a diamond. ~ Al Jean"
"We're going to put some fake plots out there just to make things interesting. ~ James L. Brooks"
"The idea of the movie is that all of us who ran the show at one point, and who have been there from the beginning come together as the writing team for this movie. ~ James L. Brooks"
"That trailer is running on 7000 screens this weekend, committing us to opening every place in the world on the same date, which means we'd better get started. ~ James L. Brooks"
"We've taken script security to the point of lunacy, although it helped that we wrote it in Aramaic. ~ Mike Scully"
"This was enormously challenging, because it involved filling 120 blank pages with an actual story and words people say. ~ James L. Brooks"
"I can absolutely guarantee that this film will far exceed the wildest expectations of every Simpsons fan. Start lining up at the theater now, preferably in costume. ~ Al Jean"
"The movie is a result of the very singular vision of 11 people. ~ Mike Scully"
"It has been rough. We worked at it for a long time and then found out that Snakes on a Plane was doing the same story. ~ James L. Brooks"
"I want what life I have left to mean something."
"I'm convinced that these dreams are some form of communication. Their message still eludes me. But they're coming faster now, and that can only mean one thing. The Phantoms inside me are beginning to win."
"Then you're my spiritual support. [Smiles] Gray, how sweet of you."
"I finished it. I know what it means. I know what the Phantoms really are."
"They're not an invading army. They're ghosts."
"Don't leave me, Gray."
"You're telling me his backpack is the seventh spirit?"
"The city may be lost, but we are not."
"This is not a good place to be."
"What the hell is that? That's not what I think it is, is it?"
"You've been trying to tell me that death isn't the end. Don't back out on me, now that I finally believe."
"It is, in fact, for her own good, captain."
"My wife and daughter… were killed by Phantoms when the San Francisco Barrier City was attacked. Did I ever tell you that? I try to imagine what… what that must have been like. Seeing everyone around you fall over dead for no apparent reason. And then, at the end, feeling something next to you. Invisible… touching you… reaching inside your body and—You've lost family, haven't you?"
"The fact remains, the Earth is under attack from an aggressor who must be destroyed at all costs."
"Well, since you are under the alien's influence, Doctor, I will take your protest to mean that we are, in fact, pursuing the correct course of action. So, I suggest you take your last few moments and prepare to meet your… "Gaia"."
"It's amore baby."
"[Jane is blasting every Phantom in sight.] We're fine, Sir. Jane is negotiating with extreme prejudice."
"It's gonna be one of those days."
"[Looking over the remains of a battlefield] This was the Phantom cleansing mission. It was supposed to end the war. [Pause] My father's in here somewhere."
"Truth In Every Dream."
"Fantasy Becomes Reality."
"Unleash a new reality."
"Enter a new dimension, beyond all you imagine, where fantasy becomes reality."
"Open your mind. Unlock the secret. Experience the fantasy."
"Prepare to embark on an epic adventure."
"The land where dreams mix up with reality and love to bring you a beautiful epic."
"No more fairy tales, this is reality."
"Ming-Na - Dr. Aki Ross"
"Donald Sutherland - Dr. Sid"
"Alec Baldwin - Gray Edwards"
"Ving Rhames - Ryan Whittaker"
"Peri Gilpin - Jane Proudfoot"
"Steve Buscemi - Neil Fleming"
"James Woods - General Douglas Hein"
"Matt McKenzie - Major Elliot"
"[to the Jokerz] It's a school night, boys and girls. I'm gonna have to call your folks."
"[after the Jokerz's vehicle crashes] That ain’t coming out of my allowance."
"I hate to say it, but I think your little Robin's turned into a bitter old crow."
"[to Ace] Good Batdog."
"Ah, brave new world, that has such putzes in it."
"You know, kids, a lot has changed while your old uncle Joker's been away: new Gotham, new rules, even a new Batman; but now I'm tanned, I'm rested, and I'm ready to give this old town a wedgie again."
"Hello Gotham, Joker's back in town. [laughs]"
"[meeting the new Batman] Ah, the new boy: ears are too long and I miss the cape but not too shabby, not too shabby at all; Woof."
"[to Bruce] Oh no, your old eyes do not deceive you, Brucie; after all, who'd know me better than you?"
"[to Bruce] Don't get up, Bruce, it's just an old friend come by to say hello. Hello, Batman. [laughing]"
"This is one of Uncle Sam's orbiting defense satellites: Hyperion-class, laser armed, handy little gadget for shooting down unfriendly missiles or giving someone a world-class hotfoot. [simulation of the satellite firing down on Gotham] Think of it as urban tagging on a grand scale reminding all and sundry that this is Joker territory; you're welcome to try and stop us but, [chuckles] I'm not taking bets on that happening anytime soon, toodle."
"Aren't you the nasty tattletale, ratting me out before I have my fun? [prepares to fire the satellite laser] Papa spank."
"[preparing to fire the satellite laser] So where should I make Ground Zero, Gotham General, where our hero's dear little Dana is recuperating, or here, in the happy garden of Mrs. Mary McGinnis? I always think it adds resonance to a hero's mission to have some defining element of tragedy in his background, don't you? Ah, but the one and only kickoff point must be stately Wayne Manor: gone in a flash before Brucie can hobble to safety or mount a rescue, don't worry though; I'll be hitting those other spots soon enough."
"[after shocking Ace] End of the line, Snoopy."
"Adios, Brucie; I guess I should salute you as a worthy adversary and all that but the truth is, I really did hate your guts. [blows raspberry]"
"[working on a communications array, not looking up] You might as well show yourself. I heard you coming a mile away. [Batman decloaks] I'm no Boy Wonder anymore, but that old training never goes away, even at my age."
"Me and the others gave everything, but it just wasn't enough for the old man. I used to think, if I went on long enough, someday he'd retire and I'd... ah, the heck with it. Capes, costumes, bad guys - it was kid's stuff! Bruce probably did me a favor. By the end, I was so sick of it I never wanted to see that stupid Robin suit again...! [turns around; Batman is gone] Some things never change."
"I owe you big time. Bruce couldn't have chosen anyone better to put on the mask."
"Terry. I've been thinking about something you once told me. And you were wrong. It's not Batman that makes you worthwhile; it's the other way around. Never tell yourself anything different."
"[After hitting a target with a batarang] Still got it."
"Will Friedle as Terry McGinnis/Batman II"
"Kevin Conroy as Bruce Wayne/Batman"
"Mark Hamill as The Joker, Jordan Pryce"
"Angie Harmon as Commissioner Barbara Gordon"
"Dean Stockwell as Tim Drake"
"Tara Strong as Barbara Gordon/Batgirl"
"Mathew Valencia as Tim Drake/Robin"
"Melissa Joan Hart as Delia and Deidre Dennis/Dee-Dee"
"Michael Rosenbaum as Stewart Carter Winthrop III/Ghoul"
"Henry Rollins as Benjamin Knox/Bonk"
"Don Patrick Harvey as Charles Buntz/Chucko"
"Lauren Tom as Dana Tan"
"Rachael Leigh Cook as Chelsea Cunningham"
"Frank Welker as Ace, Woof the Hyena-Man"
"Arleen Sorkin as Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn"
"Teri Garr as Mary McGinnis"
"Ryan O'Donohue as Matt McGinnis"
"Vernee Watson-Johnson as Ms. Joyce Carr"
"Mary Scheer as Mrs. Drake"
"Andrea Romano as Tim Drake/Joker Jr."
"Jason Stanford as Gangster"
"[Referring to Christmas/Hanukkah holidays] It ain't a better time of year. You got no school, you can eat like a pig, and people give you stuff. Kind of makes you feel all tingly inside, doesn't it? But you know what? There are some buffoons out there who actually can't stand the holiday season. And seeing other people enjoy the festivities... gets them even more disgusted. In fact, the head honcho of holiday humbug... lives right here in little old dukesberry. His name's Davey Stone. That fool's in the China dragon... coming up with his own way of feeling tingly all over. At one time, Davey was a super student, super athlete... super sweet, super kid and the apple of his parents' eye. Now, he's just a 33-year-old, crazy Jewish guy... who lives for making this town as miserable as he is... especially on the first night of Hanukkah. How'd he end up this way? Let's save that for later... because right now, Davey's about to get himself into some serious trouble."
"[To Whitey after toppling the port-a-pottie with him in it down a hill] Smell ya later, poopsicle."
"[To Whitey, after his trailer has been destroyed] I should stick you on a twig and roast you!"
"[Davey comes over to see a disgusting sight: Whitey’s butt cheeks are covered with white, furry hair as Whitey puts a jock strap on] Ugh! Jeezum crow! Did I just see two Persian cats on your ass? I think I’m gonna [sustains a burp] BA...RF...!"
"JENNIFER! JENNIFER! What's the matter with the way I live my life?! Huh, Jennifer?! Where are you?! At home, reading your baby boy a bedtime story, while he sucks his thumb and goes pee-pee on his blanket?! AW, HORSESHIT!"
"[Opens a flask in before courtroom judge] Your honor, I still got a pretty good jump shot. Let me show you. [He takes a drink of whiskey, and then jumps very quickly, and not very far, then court spectators all disapprovingly shake their heads] I’d hit a three-pointer, except I’d have to drop my pants and pop a thumb up my boo-boo."
"[Referring to obese boy on basketball court] Foul on this kid, for eating everything in sight. Jelly-jugs, the next time you come onto my court, you better wear a bra, okay?"
"[To Whitey] You actually give a crap about winning a patch?"
"[To the mayor sarcastically thanking him for destroying the ice sculpture] I didn't do it for you. [Does air plank lifting gestures] I did it for the ladies. [Women walking by respond incredulously]"
"Good night, mayor! And the answer to your question is Spencer's gifts. They definitely have furry underwear!"
"Technical foul! Technical foul!"
"[To Davey who rejects living with Whitey after his trailer is ablaze] What other options do you got, Rockefeller?!"
"[In a seizure at the end of the film] This is the happiest seizure of my life."
"[When Davey obnoxiously burps in his face] Your horn works, try the lights!"
"[Thinks Davey is holding their house up] Mister, if you're gonna kill us, will you take off your wet shoes? You're soaking the carpet."
"[When recognition ceremony banquet guests recount abusing Whitey] How could you all be so mean to Whitey? Sound to me like you are all on crack!"
"[To obese boy trying on a bra] Aren't you a boy? [Obese boy runs out sobbing]"
"It's naughty. It's nice. It's animated."
"The Ultimate Battle Between Naughty And Nice."
"Adam Sandler - Davey Stone/Whitey Duvall/Eleanore Duvall"
"Jackie Titone (Alison Krauss, singing) - Jennifer Friedman"
"Austin Scout - Benjamin Friedman"
"Allen Covert - Old lady / Bus driver / Mayor's wife"
"Rob Schneider - Narrator / Mr. Chang"
"Kevin Nealon - Mayor Dewey"
"Norm Crosby - Judge"
"Jon Lovitz - Tom Baltezor"
"Richard Page (singing) - Davey's dad"
"Ann Wilson (singing) - Davey's mom"
"Dylan and Cole Sprouse - KB Toys soldiers"
"Tyra Banks - Victoria's Secret gown"
"Blake Clark - RadioShack walkie-talkie"
"Peter Dante - Foot Locker guy"
"Ellen Albertini Dow - See's Candies box"
"Kevin Farley - Panda Express panda"
"Lari Friedman - The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Cup"
"Tom Kenny - The Sharper Image chair"
"Carl Weathers - GNC bottle"
"When will young people learn that playing "Dungeons and Dragons" doesn't make you cool!"
"[after arriving in Cornwood] Where the hell are we? Hell?"
"[Climbing through chicken hatch] This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all the chickens."
"Have you seen Bender? He's gone crazy! [Holding a carton] Also, smell this milk."
"All right, I may be weak and I may be small, but I don't see how I can possibly destroy that monster."
"There’s so many killbots behind us, I can’t count them all. Three, I think."
"That blade missed me by the skin of my pants. [A shot of Fry’s behind reveals his pants ripped.]"
"Hey that punk stole our hood ornament! Now no one will know we have the LX Package!"
"[after the ship starts again] There's gas in our ass!"
"I know not of this "Bender"! I am Titanius Anglesmith, Fancy Man of Cornwood!"
"Finally, we made it out of that godforsaken cave! So what's the fastest way home, back through the cave?"
"Methinks we be boned."
"Igner: [repeated line] We're owl exterminators."
"Leegola: Onward brave cowards!"
"George Takei: [at the Space Demolition Derby] Way to kill the franchise, Bakula!"
"Dr. Perceptron: [Bender is in a group therapy session involving being hit in the head by hammers] Now Stop! Hammertime!"
"Roberto: [Repeated line] BOOKALEEMOOKALEE!"
"Rosie the Robot Maid: Everything must be clean. Very clean. That's why the dog had to die. He was a dirty dog. Dirty. Dirty. Also that boy Elroy. Dirty. Dirty."
"The Swamp Hag: [repeated line] Get out of my swamp, you kids!"
"Titanius: Me thinks we be boned."
"Roberto: You're not made of Tuesday!"
"Professor: There's just one small problem, and it's a big one."
"Greyfarn: Fear not Titanius for we still have one hope, the Cave of Hopelessness!"
"Professor: Everybody out of the conference room! I'm calling a conference! [to all, in an adjacent room] Everybody get in here!"
"Roberto: I was built by a team of scientists, trying to create an insane robot...but it looks like they failed!"
"Scary Door Announcer: In the end, it was not guns or bombs that defeated the aliens, but that humblest of all God's creatures, the Tyrannosaurus Rex."
"Morcs: [chanting] Eat the wizard, eat the slut, eat the robot's shiny butt!"
"Greyfarn: Alas, Frydo's weakness was no match for the dices power."
"Hermaphrodite: Your friends soon face certain death, followed by a disrespectful marionette show performed with their corpses."
"It works too well. I'm willing to put my life on the line to do what I have to. But it has to be mine. No one else's."
"You're MCU, aren't you? Gordon's squad? Lieutenant Gordon is a good judge of character."
"It was just like that night in the alley, Alfred... the closeness of the walls, the gunfire. It seems I've been trying to stop those two bullets all my life."
"Now why would someone want to shoot me, Mr. Fox?"
"Shoot your mouth off now, Deadshot."
"I admire a man who vows to rebuild the neighborhood and starts by building a golf course."
"You get the docks. You stay in the slums. That's the arrangement 'til I can get something on you. And then you can fight over who gets the top bunk in Blackgate. Got it?!"
"It's like I've been trying to stop those two bullets my entire life. It's a fool's dream, Alfred. Sometimes I feel like I should just be done with it."
"It's something I manage."
"If I have a story, if I have something to say, that’s my motivation. For this film, I had something to say about Bruce Wayne as a character, what his motivations are. That there’s something dark and wrong about what drives him. Batman is a super hero and he does good. But I think the Bruce Wayne part of the character’s motivation is slightly twisted. Bruce’s motivations don’t come from a good place. He’s angry and, in that revenge is really his goal, he’s a dishonest character. That’s why he has to wear a mask. He’s doing good, but he’s not doing all the right things for all the right reasons. That plays into this story. It should be a story about non-violence, but that’s the lesson that Bruce doesn’t learn. On the surface, Bruce is on a spiritual journey, but his spirit was corrupted when his parents were killed. And it’s not something that I think he’s even interested in fixing."
"The image of Batman coming through flaming wreckage was pretty much exactly as I wanted it. I really was trying to get the psychological impact of seeing this man, who maybe isn’t a man if you don’t know, coming through the flames – literally a walking, talking, burning bush, standing and staring the villain down. If somebody was staring me down from the middle of flames, they could have anything they want. I think the animators executed that really well."
"David McCallum as Alfred Pennyworth"
"Jim Meskimen as Lt. James Gordon, Floyd Lawton/Deadshot"
"Kevin Michael Richardson as Lucius Fox, Avery, Wounded Man, Bulky Man"
"George Newbern as Man in Black, Guido, Man, Youth 3"
"Gary Dourdan as Detective Crispus Allen"
"Ana Ortiz as Detective Anna Ramirez"
"Corey Burton as Yuri Dimitrov, Ronald Marshall, The Scarecrow"
"Will Friedle as Anton, Cultist, Youth 1"
"Jason Marsden as Cop, Doctor, Youth 2, Thomas Wayne"
"Scott Menville as B-Devil, Cop"
"Rob Paulsen as Sal Maroni, Mole Man, Youth 4"
"Parminder Nagra as Cassandra"
"Corey Padnos as Porkchop"
"Crystal Scales as Meesh"
"Alanna Ubach as Dander"
"Hynden Walch as Young Bruce Wayne, Young Cassandra, Woman, Female Campaign Worker"
"Andrea Romano as Martha Wayne, Dispatcher"
"Pat Musick as News Anchor"
"Brian George as Arman, Scruffy Man, O'Fallon"
"I support and oppose many things, but not strongly enough to pick up a pen."
"Sweet photons. I don't know if you're waves or particles, but you go down smooth!"
"Here's your Gutenberg Bible, masters, plus the Colonel's Secret Recipe: Chicken, Grease, Salt!"
"001100010010011110100001101101110011"
"Hasta la vista, Meatbag!"
"Must obey orders. Ohhhhh. Mustn't kill friend!! Ohhhhhh! Badly want to urinate!!!!!"
"[monotone] Entering auto destruct sequence. [normal] Awww crap, I hate auto destruct sequence! [monotone] Explosion in 7, 6,-- [Fry's duplicate kicks Bender's duplicate who stumbles back into a cryotube, Fry turns the control to one million years]"
"[monotone] 5-- [normal] Hey, I'm supposed to be the one saying cool things! [Gets frozen]"
"Fry old buddy, it's me, Bender! [blows up Fry's apartment]"
"While I was hacking off the Professor's hand with an extremely dull saw, I had time to think. Who could use a doomsday device more, the scammers, or me, Bender? After several minutes of steady sawing, I had the answer. Me, Bender!"
"Hey ! I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do."
"[monotone]--4, 3, 2, [normal voice] 1, BOOM! [Nothing happens. Bender laughs] Woah! [he explodes, killing Nudar and Lars]"
"Well, we're boned!"
"[sarcastically] Oh, hooray. It's handsome Lars and his fabulous jars."
"But she needs what'll make her happy, not what'll make me happy."
"Ahh, my hair! Ahh! My larynx!"
"Without my body I'm a nobody."
"Kiss my front butt!"
"[Considering what to wear on her date with Lars] Ooh, I think I'll wear that slutty dress I've been saving for Easter!"
"Sir, you're just a little enraged because you're dying. Up and away!"
"Wait for me, Leela! I'll be there in a thousand years!"
"I'm sciencing as fast as I can!"
"I can wire anything directly into anything - I'm The Professor!"
"In his (Hermes') absence I am calling a mandatory company meeting. To the mandatorium!"
"Everyone out of the universe! Quick!"
"There, I saved the space-time continuum and 40% of your rectum."
"I'm a surgeon; when I see two body parts I sew them together and see what happens!"
"Barbados Slim: You haven't seen the last of Barbados Slim. Now goodbye forever."
"Zapp Brannigan: We fight this battle not for ourselves, but for our children, and our children's children, which is why I'm forming a children's brigade."
"Al Gore: [in the year 2012] That hundred dollars could have gotten me...one gallon of gas. [ominous music]"
"Al Gore: Finally! I get to save the Earth with deadly lasers instead of deadly slide shows."
"Well if the League of Robots isn't real, how come I had a whole sticker-book of 'em when I was younger? Answer that with your precious logic!"
"[Standing on platform in space in front of the anomaly; quietly] Bender to Crew, I have reached the Gateway to another Universe. I feel awed and strangely humbled by the momentous solemnity of this occasion... [Loudly] Hey, Other Universe! Bite my shiny metal a— [Goes to stick rear end through anomaly into Other Universe but it explodes on contact, sending Bender and spaceship hurtling through space.]"
"I brought you a cabbage to snack on. Humans like cabbages, right?"
"Weren't you already pope of somethin'?"
"If robots can't go to heaven, heaven can come to us!"
"Bender knows love, and love doesn't share itself with the world. Love is suspicious, love is needy. Love is fearful, love is greedy. My friends, there is no great love without great jealousy! I love you meatbags!"
"This isn't heaven! It just looks exactly like it and makes us immortal! Which I find suspicious."
"Oh, don't mind him. I'll turn him off."
"Professor Farnsworth: Less invasions, more equations!"
"Destructor: Did you know their hair just keeps growing and growing? MY LEG FEELS FUNNY!"
"Hedonism Bot: It seems Bender hates humans the way I hate having my nipples polished with industrial sand paper."
"Kif: Perhaps you should see the meaning of "Fonfon Ru"! It means one who doesn't sleep with my superior officer. That's the literal translation!"
"Linda: [in panic] They're coming! Those horrible, horrible things are coming! [calmly] Morbo?"
"Richard Nixon: Aroo! Those tentacles are coming to earth and there's no stopping it! King Kong's too old to save us this time!"
"Yivo: Hey, butt out. This is between me and everyone in existence."
"Zapp Brannigan: Ever since man first left his cave and met a stranger with a different language and a new way of looking at things, the human race has had a dream: to kill him, so we don't have to learn his language or his new way of looking at things."
"Stephen Hawking: [after shooting lasers out of his eyes] I didn't know I could do that."
"Amy: Oh, Kif! This is just like a movie with this happening in it!"
"Hermes: (selecting a neck protector from the Professor's supply) I'll take two. My neck is huge."
"Bite my shiny metal hat!"
"Six, seven, eight; lock the gate. One, two, three; turn the key. Thirty, fifty, ten; my dirty shifty friend?"
"Where are you? And me?"
"Stop making your point so ineffectively!"
"Leela's not just a chick, she's the chick I love. But don't tell her I called her a 'chick,' or she'll kill me."
"It's not all about money; although I would like much much more."
"[when trying to bend a brick wall] Granted, it's not on the list of approved bendables, but I'm... so... great!"
"[when dressed as a hooker as a distraction] Why hello boys [gets shot] Your eyes say no, but your machine gun fire says [gets shot more]"
"[last full line of the four-movie sequence] Into the breach meatbags...or not. Whatever."
"Say, speaking of whatever the hell you just said, I need to make a cell phone telephone call. Can I borrow your cell phone telephone?"
"Hehehe. Quit touching my junk, pervert!!!!!!"
"Hello Blue Bird, this is Mr. Fabulous, we are go for cheesing it!"
"[playing poker] Read ‘em and weep. And then tell me what they are."
"you can't open your mouth if your your tongue is out...try it...you can do it but you look like a dog...you laugh at yourself and your smiling because you know that you have been tricked"
"Bender here has identified the femdito commander as my ex-lover, Turanga Leela, whom I once made love at."
"Captaining 101: Go for the nose!"
"Same speed ahead!"
"My bloodhound-like instincts must have hunted them down while my other parts were throbbing to Duran Duran."
"Ladies, you're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded again and again."
"[seeing the Professor, Hermes and Fry dancing in the cage] Something is very wrong here. And yet, a bit right."
"My God, I must be the greatest public speaker ever. They're suckling at the teat of my every syllable-le."
"All good things must come to an end. Preferably in a humongous explosion."
"Joey Mousepad: Hey Don, ain't dat your wife, what wit ya had dat weddin' wit?"
"Hermes: OK, everybody take a shovel, and a sixth of the planet. We'll meet back here in 50 years, our bodies broken and our lives wasted."
"Clamps: The clamps! Or a clamp-like device."
"Leo Wong: [as Fry massages his feet] Ooh, that nice. Get between the toes, very dirty."
"Calculon: I'd like to thank the Academy, my agent, and most of all, my operating system, Windows Vista ['Windows' 7 for network release] for everything...[begins malfunctioning] System Error!"
"Mom: Ugh, if only I had all the money in the world...oh wait a second, I do! [cackles madly]"
"Donbot: Now, I am suspicious."
"Donbot: You see this gun? [crumbles it] That's what I'm going to do to him if he wins."
"Zoidberg: Say, what's that violet-coloured dwarf-like star-thing we're drifting towards?"
"Zoidberg: Ah, I hate to see it come to an end. [as career chip is taken out] Yee! When will it end!?"
"Scruffy: Life goes on, but I believe we'll forever carry the pain on the inside. [turns the page of his Play-Boy-Ar-Dee magazine] Mm-hmm."
"Amy: Oh no! A rooster! That indicates it’s the following morning!"
"Leela: Zoidberg, I’m very surprised at you slightly."
"Snoop Dogg: Naked ladies, Naked ladies, Naked ladies, Naked ladies."
"Richard Nixon's head: The one thing no-one suspects is that I really did stage the moon landing...on Venus! Aroo! [laughes evilly]"
"I am Ripper... Tearer... Slasher... Gouger. I am the Teeth in the Darkness, the Talons in the Night. Mine is Strength... and Lust... and Power! I AM BEOWULF!"
"What do you know of me... Demon?"
"They say you have a monster here. They say your lands are cursed. I am Beowulf and I'm here to kill your monster."
"If we die... it will be for GLORY, not gold."
"The time of heroes is dead: the Christ god has killed it, leaving nothing but weeping martyrs and fear and shame."
"She's not my curse, not anymore."
"Are you the one they call Beowulf? Such a strong man you are. A man like you could own the greatest tale ever sung. Beowulf... lay with me. Give me a son, and I shall make you the greatest king that ever lived. This... I swear..."
"There have been many a brave men come to taste my lord's mead. And who have promissed to rid us of our night-man. But in the morning, there was nothing left but blood to be cleaned from the floor... and the benches... and the walls."
"Evil breeds pain."
"Survival is ruthless."
"Face your demons"
"I will kill your monster!"
"We had such potential. Such promise. But we squandered our gifts, our intelligence. Our blind pursuit of technology only sped us quicker to our doom. Our world is ending. But life must go on,"
"[9 finds and sees the record message] Greetings, 9. It had such promise, my Great Machine. It was meant to be an instrument of progress. Of creation. That was the agreement our Chancellor failed to honor. Though the fault is hardly his alone to bear. The Machine was born purely of my intellect. Which I now know...was not enough. My creation was hopelessly flawed and indeed dangerous for it lacked the human soul, and could be easily corrupted by those who controlled it. That is why I'm making each of you. ['9 finally learns his origins] You are all that's left of humanity. You...are all the pieces of my soul. Together, you and this device shall protect the future. Look closely and remember what you see."
"No! We have rules! [8 walks in] Our new guest seems confused. [to 9] Perhaps I can help you achieve some clarity."
"When we woke in this world, it was chaos. Man and machine attacked each other with fire and metal."
"The gas killed everything. I led us here to sanctuary. And here we waited for the war to end. Slowly the world became silent. The only thing that remains now is the beast. So we stay hidden. And we wait for it, too, to sleep."
"Sometimes fear is the appropriate response."
"[Last words] They've left us nothing. Nothing. Why do we have to right their wrongs? Sometimes, one must be sacrificed."
"Wait! I'm a friend."
"Some things in this world are...are better left where they lie. But if you know where to look, these ruins are full of riches."
"[to the Cat Beast] Here, kitty, kitty. Why don't you finish what you started... with me?"
"[Last words; trying to stop 9 from unwittingly reactivating the Fabrication Machine] Wait! What are you doing?! We don't know what it is!"
"You know, you're just like him. You forget to remember to be scared."
"Help me put it down!"
"We'll need a full barrel."
"Go back to the source"
"I never left. You finally decided to join the fight."
"What? Go back to 1? So he can lock us away while this nightmare awakens? Never."
"Let me try that again."
"[To 7, 4, 3 and 1 about their origins] I now know the truth! The Scientist! The Scientist; he's the source! He gave us his soul. We are him."
"[To 7 about loss of 2, 5, 6 and 8] They all died because of me. I started this and now I need to finish it."
"The world is made up of little pieces of things left over, so how do you recombine those in a creative way, to create these characters and creatures? And then we'd take trips out to these junkyards here in LA, and go and get bags and bags of junk, and take them back to the studio and look at them, and use that to inspire us, and find little ideas in that."
"(1) To Protect Us..."
"(2) To Inspire Us..."
"(3) To Define Us..."
"(4) To Teach Us..."
"(5) To Guide Us..."
"(6) To Lead Us..."
"(7) To Defend Us..."
"(8) To Guard Us..."
"(9) To Save Us."
"When our world ended, their mission began."
"Elijah Wood - 9"
"Fred Tatasciore - 8 / Radio announcer"
"Jennifer Connelly - 7"
"Crispin Glover - 6"
"John C. Reilly - 5"
"Martin Landau - 2"
"Christopher Plummer - 1"
"Alan Oppenheimer - The Scientist"
"Tom Kane - The Chancellor"
"And so Frylock is with us... in a manner of speaking... but he would never recover his smartness. That's why I have to cut up his food for him."
"It's the poodle from the prophecy!"
"Show me how to get some pythons like... Chief Wahoo McDaniel."
"Linda, I care about you. And I respect you. So where, uh, where am I gonna do ya?"
"as , , Ignignokt, Video Game Voice"
"as Err, Cybernetic Ghost, Satan"
"as Oglethorpe"
"as Dr. Weird, Steve"
"Bruce Campbell as Chicken Bittle"
"Neil Peart as Neil"
"as Walter Melon"
"as MC Pee Pants"
"as Time Lincoln"
"as Space Ghost"
"as Plantation Owner"
"Tina Fey as Burrito"
"as CIA Agent 1"
"as CIA Agent 2"
"as Rob Goldstein"
"Mastodon (uncredited) as Interrupting Snack Band"
"[to Superman] I can't think of a morning I haven't woken up with the thought of strangling you. That sanctimonious image of yours fooled everyone except me. Because I know evil."
"[to Superman] You come to this planet, declare yourself the savior of mankind. Well, I think it's time you died for your sins."
"Newscaster: Lex Luthor's attempt to win the presidency the old-fashioned way... by buying it, seems to be picking up steam. New polls show that 22% of Americans now support his third party bid. In a completely unrelated story, 22% of Americans now indicate a preference for getting [beep] in the [beep] with a red hot poker!"
"Tim Daly - Kal-El/Clark Kent/Superman"
"Kevin Conroy - Bruce Wayne/Batman"
"Clancy Brown - Lex Luthor"
"Xander Berkeley - Captain Atom"
"Allison Mack - Power Girl"
"Ricardo Chavira - Major Force"
"John C. McGinley - Metallo"
"C.C.H. Pounder - Amanda Waller"
"Alan Oppenheimer - Alfred Pennyworth"
"Calvin Tran - Hiro Okamura/Toyman"
"LeVar Burton - Black Lightning"
"Corey Burton - Captain Marvel, Solomon Grundy"
"Brian George - Gorilla Grodd"
"Rachael MacFarlane - Nightshade, Lady Shiva, Billy Batson"
"Jennifer Hale - Starfire, Killer Frost"
"Bruce Timm - Mongul"
"Andrea Romano - Giganta, Computer"
"Michael Gough - Hawkman, Captain Cold"
"Mark Jonathan Davis - Newscaster"
"Jonathan Adams - General"
"The truth is, I'm really not such a pig. No, that's not the truth. I am a pig. A womanizer. Been one for a long time now. Sometimes I think it's because I don't wanna be hurt. Well, not again. This macho bravado, it's all a facade. Wait, why am I telling you this? [Notices his foot's caught in the lasso of truth] God, I hope you Amazons can't mass-produce this thing."
"[after Diana shows a girl how to swordfight] That was sweet. Teaching her to disembowel her playmates like that."
"How will you stop me now that my powers rival that of any god? I am as strong as Hercules. As fast as Hermes. And now, like Hades, I wield dominion over the dead which allows me to unleash my own worst curse upon you people. Amazon dead, I command you to come to your lord. Slaughter your sisters."
"Keri Russell - Princess Diana/Diana Prince/Wonder Woman"
"Nathan Fillion - Col. Steve Trevor"
"Alfred Molina - Ares"
"Virginia Madsen - Queen Hippolyta"
"Rosario Dawson - Artemis"
"Marg Helgenberger - Hera"
"Oliver Platt - Hades"
"John DiMaggio - Deimos, Homeless Man"
"Vicki Lewis - Persephone"
"Julianne Grossman - Etta Candy"
"Tara Strong - Alexa"
"David McCallum - Zeus"
"Jason Miller - Thrax, Gang Leader"
"Rick Overton - Slic, President of the United States"
"Andrea Romano - President's Advisor"
"Skye Arens - Little Girl"
"Bruce Timm - Attacker"
"Does this college town have a name or do you just turn left at the kid with the tractor?"
"Life sucks no matter where you are so don't be fooled by location changes."
"That's it. Must... contact... intelligent... life..."
"I'm sorry, but the confidentiality agreement I signed with the Government prevents me revealing that. I've already said too much."
"The guys here are a lot better looking in person than on their wanted posters."
"Any kid who looks to you for nurturing is more than just lost."
"Uh-oh, don't look now but it's 'Toulouse Lau-dreck'."
"But that's not fair. I didn't have time to study with my Fashion Club duties. Don't extracurricular activities count for anything?"
"You can't judge someone by their family. What if people judged me by.... blech! Got to go."
"Tracy Grandstaff as Daria Morgendorffer"
"Julián Rebolledo as Jake Morgendorffer"
"Wendy Hoopes as Helen Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer, and Jane Lane"
"Alvaro J. Gonzales as Trent Lane"
"Russell Hankin as Tom Sloane"
"Marc Thompson as Anthony DiMartino, Timothy O'Neill, Kevin Thompson and Jamie White"
"Tim Novikoff as Jeffy"
"Steven Huppert as Joey"
"Jessica Cyndee Jackson as Jodie Landon"
"Amir Williams as Michael Jordan "Mack-Daddy" Mackenzie"
"Janie Mertz as Sandi Griffin and Brittany Taylor"
"Sarah Drew as Stacy Rowe"
"Ashley Albert as Tiffany Blum-Decker"
"Nora Laudani as Angela Li"
"Corey Block as Link"
"Carson Daly as David Sorenson"
"Dave Grohl as Daniel"
"Bif Naked as Alison"
"John Lynn as Sick, Sad World Announcer"
"Bart Fasbender as Andrew Landon"
"Laurine Towler as Michele Landon"
"Rand Bridges as Bill Woods"
"Jessica Hardin as Lindy"
"Daniel Milledge as Angier Sloane"
"Amanda Fox as Katherine Sloane"
"Well, if you're mixing drinks, I'd like a slow comfortable screw up against the wall of a bus station in Passaic, New Jersey. It's just rum."
"[while being forced to drink a potion] No, stop! Tastes like Snapple! God, I wish I had my gag reflex back!"
"[tied to a beam] You know, for a heterosexual, you tie really good knots."
"[shushing] Oh, hush yourself! Bitch!"
"Jim J. Bullock as Adam Seymour ‘Queer Duck’ Duckstein"
"Jackie Hoffman as Lola Buzzard"
"Kevin Michael Richardson Stephen Arlo ‘Openly’ Gator"
"Billy West as Bi-Polar Bear"
"Estelle Harris as Mrs. Duckstein"
"Mark Hamill as Vendor / Owl Doctor / Police Officer"
"Tim Curry as Pecarry"
"Andy Dick as Regina/Rex"
"Chris Cox as Michael Jackson"
"Audrey Wasilewski as Rosie O’Donnell"
"Maurice LaMarche as Oscar Wildcat / Martin Duckstein"
"Jeff Glenn Bennett as Reverend Vandergelding"
"Barbara Goodson as Elizabeth Taylor"
"Bruce Vilanch as Himslef"
"Conan O’Brien as Himself"
"David Duchovny as Tiny Jesus"
"Tress MacNeille as Melissa / Barbara Streisand"
"Kevin Chamberlin"
"Howard Hoffman"
"Nick Jameson"
"Debi Mae West"
"April Winchell"
"Goodnight, and God peed."
"President Don: Ah, poop in a handbag!"
"Preacher Greg: You can't drag race with Jesus."
"Never Trust a Pig in Glasses!"
"They're freaks coming to kick your butt!"
"Luke Wilson as Earl Jensen."
"Sarah Michelle Gellar as Josie."
"Frank Welker as Dr. Frubar and President Don."
"David Alan Grier as Darby"
"Jeremy Piven as Tomkins"
"Matthew Lillard as Boris."
"Amy Yasbeck as Secretary Claire."
"Nat Faxon as Kevin the Guard."
"Thomas Gibson as Preacher Greg."
"Molly Shannon as Reporter Petey."
"Thomas Lennon as Narrator Older Earl"