"Stig, meanwhile, had hidden in the background so much, that in 1969, a rumour went around that he was dead. He was supposed to have been killed in a flash fire at a waterbed shop, and replaced by a plastic and wax replica from Madame Tussaud's. Several so-called "facts" helped the emergence of this rumour; One: he never said anything publicly. Even as "the Quiet One", he hadn't said a word since 1966. Two: on the cover of their latest album, "Shabby Road", he is wearing no trousers, an Italian way of indicating death. Three: Nasty, supposedly sings "I buried Stig" on "I Am the Waitress". In fact, he sings "E burres stigano", which is very bad Spanish for "Have you a water buffalo?" Four: On the cover of the "Sgt. Rutter" album, Stig is leaning in the exactly same position of a dying Yeti from the Rutland Book of the Dead. Five: If you sing the title of "Sgt. Rutter's Only Darts Club Band" backwards, it's supposed to sound very like "Stig has been dead for ages, honestly." In fact, it sounds uncannily like "Dnab Bulc Strad Ylno srettur Sgt". Palpable nonsense."

"Nasty, meanwhile, visited an exhibition of broken art at the Pretentious Gallery, Soho. The art exhibits had all been dropped out of tall buildings and then put on display. Amongst the little piles of rubble, Nasty found the artist herself; Chastity, a simple German girl, whose father had invented World War II. Chastity fascinated him with her destructo-art. They talked all through the night, as she outlined her plans to drop artists out of planes. Nasty adored her. They announced their engagement next day at a press conference held in a shower."

"Dirk had become enamoured of Martini, a French actress who spoke no English and precious little French. When they married in London, the service was conducted in Spanish, Italian and Chinese, just to be on the safe side."

"I'm sitting in a rented limousine in New York. And it was here...well, not in the limousine obviously, but in New York, that the Rutles came in 1968 to announce the formation of Rutle Corps."

"It's significant that their first major flop, the "Tragical History Tour", immediately followed the loss of Leggy. It was not the strongest idea for a Rutles film: Four Oxford history professors on a hitch-hiking tour of teashops in the Rutland area, and it was slammed mercilessly by the press."

"But while the Rutles sat at the feet of the Surrey Mystic, fate dealt them an appalling blow. It was here that they learned the shocking news of their manager. Leggy Mountbatten, tired and despondent over the weekend and unable to raise any friends, went home and tragically...accepted a teaching post in Australia."

"Stig, meanwhile, had fallen under the influence of Arthur Sultan, the "Surrey Mystic". And Sultan had introduced Stig to his ouija board work."

"The release of this album, a millstone in pop music history, contributed greatly to an idyllic summer of bells, flowers and tea-drinking. Its music led thousands to experiment with tea."

"At the end of it, they met Bob Dylan in the idyllic San Francisco of the mid-60's, and he introduced them to a strange substance that was to have an enormous effect on them: Tea. Despite the warnings that it would lead to stronger things, the Rutles enjoyed the pleasant effects of tea. And it influenced enormously their greatest work, "Sgt. Rutter"."

"Nasty apologized to Rod, God and the press, and the tour went ahead as planned. But it would be their last."

"The story spread like wildfire in America. Many fans burned their albums. Many more burnt their fingers attempting to burn their albums. Album sales sky-rocketed. People were buying them just to burn them. But in fact, it was all a ghastly mistake: Nasty, talking to a slightly deaf journalist, had claimed only that the Rutles were bigger than Rod. Rod Stewart would not be big for another 8 years."

"In 1966, the Rutles faced the biggest threat to their careers: Nasty, in a widely quoted interview, apparently had claimed the Rutles were bigger than God, and had gone on to say that God had never had a hit record."

"Che Stadium; named after the Cuban guerilla leader Che Stadium. And it was here, in 1965, that the Rutles came...well, not here in the carpark obviously, but back there in the stadium."

"I'm actually standing outside the actual hotel in which the Rutles actually stayed, in 1964. Actually, in this room here. And it was actually inside this actual room that I actually spoke to the actual Paul Simon."

"Incidentally, "Rat Keller" means, literally in german, "Cellar of rats". That's not "Seller of rats", a seller of rats, a person who sells rats for a living to another man as it were, of course not. That means, a cellar of rats. Indeed, one might say that this was a cellar full...of Ratles."

"It was to this small backroom, when Nasty, Dirk, Stig, Barry and Leppo came to relax, when they weren't upstairs, entertaining the other rats dining in the other Rat Keller. Here, they had bed and breakfast. There's the bed. The breakfast, of course, long since gone. Rodently chewed, mouse-masticated, in a word: eaten by rats."

"I'm standing in the original Rat Keller, and indeed, these are some of the original rats."

"In those early days, there was a fifth Rutle: Leppo. A friend of Nasty's from art college, who mainly used to stand at the back. He couldn't play the guitar, but he knew how to have a good time, and in Hamburg, that was more important."

"I'm standing in the world's naughtiest street. The notorious Reeperbahn, Hamburg. For four hungry working class lads, there are worse places than prison. And the Rat Keller, Hamburg, is one of them. This is where they found themselves, far from home, and far from talented. Inside here, is where they actually played. Come with me now, inside, or as the Germans say: "Mit mir gekommen", inside."

"Yes, tonight, we examine the entire legend of the Rutles! But...where did the story start? The answer is...right here. On this very spot, Dirk McQuickly and Ron Nasty first bumped into each other. At this precise point...uhh, just a few feet back here, Ron Nasty invited Dirk to help him stand up. Dirk, merely an amateur drinker, agreed, and here it was, a few feet back there, a musical legend was created."

"From these streets, very close to the Cavern Rutland, came the fabulous Rutland sound, created by the Pre-Fab Four; Dirk, Nasty, Stig and Barry, who created a musical legend that will last a lunchtime. They were discovered by their manager, Leggy Mountbatten, in a lunchtime disco very close to these streets. Their first album was made in 20 minutes. Their second album took even longer."

"Nia Long as Suzanne Persons"

"Ice Cube as Nicholas "Nick" Persons"

"Pregnant lady coming through!"

"[repeated line] I can fix that."

"Philip Daniel Bolden as Kevin Persons"

"Aleisha Allen as Lindsey Persons"

"John C. McGinley as Chuck Mitchell Jr."

"Timothy Brown as Corporal Judson"

"Michael Murphy as Captain Ezekiel Bradbury "Me Lay" Marston V"

"Ken Prymus as Private First Class Seidman"

"David Arkin as Staff Sergeant Wade Douglas Vollmer/PA Announcer."

"Tamara Horrocks as Captain Bridget "Knocko" McCarthy"

"Dawne Damon as Lieutenant Wilma "Scorch" Storch"

"Indus Arthur as Lieutenant Leslie"

"Jo Ann Pflug as Lieutenant Maria "Dish" Schneider"

"Corey Fischer as Captain Patrick "Band-Aid" Bandini"

"Danny Goldman as Captain Dennis Murrhardt"

"René Auberjonois as Father Francis John Patrick "Dago Red" Mulcahy"

"Gary Burghoff as Corporal Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Reilly"

"Carl Gottlieb as Captain "Ugly" John Black"

"Roger Bowen as Lieutenant Colonel Henry Braymore Blake"

"Robert Duvall as Major Franklin Delano Marion "Ferret Face" Burns"

"Sally Kellerman as Major Margaret J. "Hot Lips" Houlihan"

"Fred Williamson as Captain Oliver Harmon "Spearchucker" Jones"

"John Schuck as Captain Walter Koskiusko "Painless Pole" Waldowski"

"Tom Skerritt as Captain Augustus Bedford "Duke" Forrest"

"Elliott Gould as Captain "Trapper" John Francis Xavier McIntyre"

"Donald Sutherland as Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Jr."

"You're not a real M*A*S*H fan until you've seen the original. (1982 re-release)"