"Shoeshine I don't know if you can understand me right now, but forget about the past. It doesn't matter if you're Shoeshine or Underdog. Because I don't care if you can talk or fly. You brought my family back together. You're a hero to me."

"I bought myself a thesaurus."

"When old ladies are falling, I'm not slow, and it's a hip-hip-hip and away I go!"

"You can put the doggy door there!"

"But I doubt there was a ham tied to the capitol building."

"Right, talking dog will try to make things normal."

"Turns out, Barsinister didn't want me, he wanted my DNA. He took away my superpowers and put them in a little blue pill but that wasn't the worst of it."

"Excuse me, why do you people have pantyhose on your heads?"

"[opening lines] Ladies and gentlemen, this is Simon Barsinister, the wickedest man in the world. He was evil and crazy. Simon and his wacky henchmen, Cad, schemed to rule the universe. But each time, they were foiled by me, the greatest superhero who ever lived, Underdog!"

"Now, Nash, you'll never get away with this!"

"Nash, I said the let the hostages go!"

"This guy is in love! L-U-V! Ernest is in love. Ernest and Charlotte sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Ernest pushing a baby carriage!"

"We're sorry, Ernest, Bobby didn't know the mace can was loaded."

"Ernest, we're late for work!"

"Pull on it! Pull on it, Chuck!"

"(Thinking Nash is Ernest) You are slime Ernest P. Worrell!"

"This is pathetic."

"Don't worry about that diet, tubby. Once I set this fuse, you'll lose all that weight."

"Here, I'll help you up!"

"Is everyone who works here a moron?"

"This guy is better off in jail."

"Look, I'm not this guy Nash!"

"Real men are not intimidated by physical threats against their personal selves, and, ironically, neither am I."

"[Finds Rimshot in the trashcan] What kind of person would throw away a perfectly good dog?"

"[To Nash's lawyer as he's being taken to the chair] You pal, you're not getting anymore of my business!"

"I've never been inside a restaurant that doesn't have a drive-thru window before."

"I'll be the silent partner."

"I'll play your game, but it'll be a stretch. Can you resist this?"

"You know what the saddest part is? You thought they loved you but they only loved the power that I gave you."

"Shoeshine, isn't it? Or shall I address you by your nom de guerre, Underdog. [Shoeshine: It's "Shoeshine".] [Dan: He can talk?]"

"After him!"

"[repeated line] Simon says…"

"It should be me on the front page, not that stupid mutt. I need a sample of his DNA. How do you look in a dress?"

"Don't worry, it will only hurt a lot."

"It's OK. You all make mistakes. But I forgive you.That's the kind of person I am...humble."

"There's no need to fear, Underdog is here! Hey, that's pretty good. I think I'll keep that one."

"There's no need to fright, Underdog's got bite! Nope, that's not it either."

"There's no need to worry, Underdog is furry! No, that's not it."

"And how about kompote?!"

"Shurik (preparing to give Fedya whipping): It's necessary, Fedya! It is!"

"Works Manager: While our space ships furrow the vast of the Universe... <his voice blacked out by a strong noise of parquet-making device> ... you are sleeping!"

"Yeah, stuck, four-eyed? Wait, soon you will be dressed in a wooden coat, and music will be playing in your house, but you won't hear it!"

"Shurik, are you a Komsomolets? This is not our way!"

"He who does not work, shall eat! (Fedya's parody of a proverb "He who does not work, neither shall he eat!")"

"So, you think I got fifteen day term? No, that's both of us who got fifteen day term"

"Today people must be treated with more kindness. And the questions needs a wider consideration."

"You have a gain in roubles, and I have it in days [of the term]."