"She makes a pretty hood ornament, don't you think? Yes, it is I, good old General Rancor. I'm back, big as life and twice as ugly! You did everything except eat me, and I'm still alive. All Steele did was blow off a couple of arms. That's no biggie, no big thing. Now there are plenty of arms!! Big arms!! Pretty aaaarrrms!! I got arms up the wazoo! Now let me show you something. Your pretty little agent is now part of the nose cone on top of my missile. This missile will be launched in 36 hours and nothing will stop me!! Only thing is, I'm missing one little chip that controls my satellite, and dag-gone, I want it back! Now you hand me my chip, and I'll give you back your agent. Dick Steele couldn't stop me 15 years ago, and all the Dicks you've got won't stop me now!!"

"Dick, come on. We have to go! NOW!!"

"[incensed at Flaming Dragon's demands] Okay, Flaming Dragon. Fuckface. First, take a big step back... and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE! Now, I don't know what kind of pan-Pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again. Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP! [hangs up; to assistant] Find out who that was."

"Tom Cruise - Les Grossman"

"Matthew McConaughey - Rick "Pecker" Peck"

"Bill Hader - Rob Slolom"

"Brandon T. Jackson - Alpa Chino"

"Danny McBride - Cody Underwood"

"Jay Baruchel - Kevin Sandusky"

"Steve Coogan - Damien Cockburn"

"Nick Nolte - John "Four Leaf" Tayback"

"Robert Downey Jr. - Kirk Lazarus"

"Jack Black - Jeff Portnoy"

"Ben Stiller - Tugg Speedman"

"[as Simple Jack] Goodbye Momma! Now you can have ice cream in heaven! I'll see you tonight when I go to bed, in my head movies. But this head movie makes my eyes rain!"

"I know who I am! I'm a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude! You a dude who don't know what dude he is."

"Jared S. Eddo - Speed Racer"

"Brendan Fraser - Alvin, Simon and Theodore"

"Austin Michael Scott - McLover"

"Noah Harpster - Seth"

"Devin Crittenden - Paulie Bleeker"

"Johnny Rock - Male Enchanted Princess"

"Gerrard Fachinni - Iron Man"

"Walter Harris - Hancock"

"Roland Kickinger - The Incredible Hulk"

"Jacob Tolano Wood - Bruce Banner"

"Jonas Neal - Justin Timberlake"

"Yoshio Iizuka - Kung Fu Panda"

"Kim Kardashian - Lisa"

"Gary "G Thang" Johnson - Calvin"

"Crista Flanagan - Juney/Hannah Montana"

"Nicole Parker - Enchanted Princess/Amy Winehouse/Jessica Simpson"

"Vanessa Minnillo - Amy"

"Matt Lanter - Will"

"The End Is Coming, August 29"

"Prepare to die... laughing."

"Destroying the summer... one movie at a time."

"Mother !@#?*% Nature."

"Your favorite movies are going to be destroyed."

"Al Gore was right."

"Better get off quick."

"Not another shallow Hollywood movie."

"Christopher Johnson - Michael Jackson"

"Abe Spigner - Flavor Flav"

"John Di Domenico - Dr. Phil/The Guru Shitka"

"Jason Boegh - Carrie Bradshaw"

"Nick Steele - Underwear Model"