"Simon Stein: [reading from one of Rose's romance novels] "His fingers tangled in her curls while his tongue plundered the soft cavern of her mouth. She made no protests. Her furnace was alight. Jack drew his lips from hers and urged her forward so he could take one shirt-veiled nipple into his mouth. Kit's gasp urged him on. He licked the material until it clung to the right peak then drew the turgid flesh deep into his mouth. Kit moaned, her body spasming in response. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted." Okay, um, embarrassing as this is to admit, I'm officially turned on."

"Amy: Which one are you crying about, the predatory prick or the shit-for-brains tramp? Because neither one deserves your tears."

"A thong would look ridiculous on me - I wear cotton briefs. My life is about working long hours, planning trips I'll never take, and settling for love found on the pages of romance novels."

"You're not going to look like this forever, you know. Eventually you'll be older, and all of the men who foot your bill now will be buying drinks for women half your age and then what will you do? Well, you'd better think of something because middle-aged tramps aren't cute, they're pathetic."

"It is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart."

"The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem... f... filled... with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn't hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster. Even losing you... the joking voice, a gesture I love... I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master though it may look like... Write it!... like disaster."

"David Lewis - Al Kirkeby"

"Edie Adams - Miss Olsen"

"David White - Mr. Eichelberger"

"Fred MacMurray - Jeff D. Sheldrake"

"Shirley MacLaine - Fran Kubelik"

"Jack Lemmon - Calvin Clifford (C. C.) "Bud" Baxter"

"I wonder how long it takes to get someone you're stuck on out of your system. They should invent a pump for that."

"Some people take, some people get took. And they know they're getting took and there's nothing they can do about it."

"Why do people have to love people anyway?"

"How could I be so stupid? You would think I should have learned by now. When you're in love with a married man you shouldn't wear mascara."

"Y'know, I used to live like Robinson Crusoe. I mean shipwrecked among 8 million people. And then one day I saw a footprint in the sand and there you were."

"As for myself, I very often stay on at the office and work for an extra hour or two, especially when the weather is bad. It's not that I'm overly ambitious, it's just a way of killing time, until it's all right for me to go home. You see, I have this little problem with my apartment...I live in the West Sixties, just half a block from Central Park. My rent is $85 a month. It used to be eighty until last July when Mrs. Lieberman (Frances Lax), the landlady, put in a second-hand air conditioning unit. It's a real nice apartment - nothing fancy - but kind of cozy - just right for a bachelor. The only problem is - I can't always get in when I want to."

"On November 1, 1959, the population of New York City was 8,042,783. If you laid all these people end to end, figuring an average height of five feet six and a half inches, they would reach from Times Square to the outskirts of Karachi, Pakistan. I know facts like this because I work for an insurance company - Consolidated Life of New York. We're one of the top five companies in the country. Our home office has 31,259 employees, which is more than the entire population of uhh... Natchez, Mississippi. I work on the 19th floor. Ordinary Policy Department, Premium Accounting Division, Section W, desk number 861."

"Willard Waterman - Mr. Vanderhoff"

"Joyce Jameson - The blonde"

"Johnny Seven - Karl Matuschka"

"Naomi Stevens - Mrs. Mildred Dreyfuss"

"Joan Shawlee - Sylvia"

"Hope Holiday - Mrs. Margie MacDougall"

"Jack Kruschen - Dr. Dreyfuss"

"Ray Walston - Joe Dobisch"

"Parminder Nagra — Jessminder "Jess" Bhamra"

"Frank Harper - Alan Paxton"

"Juliet Stevenson — Paula Paxton"

"Shaznay Lewis - Mel"

"Archie Panjabi - Pinky Bhamra"

"Anupam Kher - Mr. Bhamra"

"Shaheen Khan — Mrs. Bhamra"

"Jonathan Rhys Meyers — Joe"

"Keira Knightley — Juliette "Jules" Paxton"

"Ameet Chana - Tony"

"Winona Ryder - Lelania Pierce"

"Steve Zahn - Sammy Gray"

"Janeane Garofalo - Vickie Milner"

"Ben Stiller - Michael Grates"

"Ethan Hawke - Troy Dyer"

"A comedy about love in the 90's"

"Life is always funnier when it happens to someone else."

"My goal is... I'd like a career or something."

"[after coming out to his mother] I wanna be miserable and happy and all that. I wanna be let back into the house."

"I truly believe that if we can get two women on the supreme court, we can get at least one on you."

"Evian is naive spelled backwards."

"It's not like its happening to me. It's like it's in a crappy show like Melrose Place."

"Don't you ever wish you were a lesbian?"